“Of course.”
I relaxed into the downy pillows, definitely too plush to belong to any standard inn—not that the ones we’d stayed in were anything less than immaculate. They were just simple rooms with all the basic necessities for travelers to rest in for the night, perfect for their purpose, nothing extravagant, except for maybe the odd satin drape over the bed or marble bust on the windowsill. This room, however, was brimming with personal touches: embroidered curtains, crystals lined up across the mantle, quills and ink on every surface. I also noted the rows upon rows of shelves along the walls, filled with books and jars of ingredients, and a table sitting in the center, strewn with poultices and scrolls. It was untidy,lived in, a workshop of some kind.
An office fit for an enchanter, my mind helpfully supplied.
“We made it to Rosewood Creek, then?” I homed in on the thick tome lying open amid the mess. It was old, and the discolored page it was open to had what I guessed were magic symbols sketched in ink. Unless there was another mage living here, I suspected that it belonged to…him.
Could he also be the source of the green light?
“Yes,” Cair responded, and my fingers flexed against the bedding.
“Zadok… Is he…?”
“He’s alive,” my mate verified, and a wave of relief washed through me, followed by a surge of nervous anticipation. I tore my gaze from the spell book, meeting Cair’s eyes as he tacked on, “And eager to know you.”
“What’s he like?” I heard myself ask before I’d even processed his words. “He’s obviously somewhat respectable or we wouldn’t be here, so?—”
“You need to heal,” Cair interrupted, smoothing out the covers across my lap. “I’ll bring him in, and you can dissect the details once you have slept.”
I reeled back as if slapped. “What? No! I didn’t come all this way, or go through all this shit to pause at the last hurdle. I want to meet him now.”
A look passed over Cair’s face as if he was revisiting the events of the last twelve hours. Was he…angry? He tamped it down before I could question it. “You have been through so much, pet. I don’t want to overwhelm you.” He released a withering sigh. “I’m not exactly the pillar of stability myself at the moment. I still can’t comprehend how you’re alive. You were dead, but now you’re sitting here, talking to me. It shouldn’t be possible and I don’t know how to handle it.” He glanced away, the tips of his pointed ears flushed pink. There was a note of shame in his voice when he added, “Nor do I feel confident that I could be the strength you need should this not go the way you hope.”
A brick of guilt dropped to my belly at his unguarded confession, making my vehemence falter. I was getting ahead of myself. A regular occurrence, sure, but I should’ve shown more consideration when my mate was barely recovered from a full-on breakdown.Way to go, Luca.It was second nature for Cair to be supportive, to offer reassurances when I needed them, to be my voice of reason when I couldn’t control my thoughts and feelings. The fact he admitted to not being able to provide that right now proved just how much of a state he was in. He needed a reprieve, not someone else coming into our space and potentially making the situation even more emotional. I understood that completely.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my brows creasing with pity as I covered his hand with mine. “You’re right. The last few days have been a shitshow, and we’ve both suffered. But… just so you know, you don’t have to worry about not being my strength. You already are. Having you at my side, holding my hand and caring about me, is more than enough. Whatever you do willalwaysbe enough.”
My mate’s eyes drifted back to me, glistening under the candlelight as he studied my expression. The guilt souring his woodsy scent faded. I smiled at him, and after another pause, he huffed a soft laugh before scrubbing a hand down his face—a reaction I hadn’t expected. “He’s waiting outside,” he said, and my gaze flicked to the door, my breath hitching. “I am incapable of denying you anything, and it would be cruel of me to deny him too. After everything.”
I shook my head, returning my attention to him. “You don’t have to push yourself for my sake. Or his. I can be patient.” That wasn’t exactly true, but even if I spent the night going over every possible scenario and stressing myself out to the point of packing up and leaving, it was a compromise I was willing to make.
For Cair.
“I know how much this means to you, and you’ll only lie awake working yourself up, so delaying it seems counterproductive.” He knew me too well. “I refuse to put you through that, but all I ask is that you do one thing for me…”
“Anything.”
“Don’t let go of my hand,” he said, the request tinged with desperation. “It anchors me, and I’m not ready to part with that sensation just yet.”
I nodded without hesitation, threading my fingers through his and clasping tight. “Are you sure that’s all you need? I’ll do anything you ask.”
He leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine once more, and the gratitude radiating from that simple gesture warmed me up from the inside out. “I’m sure.”
“Okay.” I trusted his word, but I wouldn’t take advantage of his indulgent nature. Keeping the interaction brief shouldn’t be difficult.
Even for a rambler like me.
“Are you ready for this, sweetheart?”
I chewed my bottom lip, glancing toward the door again. Was I?
Part of me—the part with the least self-preservation but the most impulsiveness, probably—wanted to dive right in, to latch onto this stranger and skip straight to happy families, but rationally, I knew I had to slow down.
Death had really done a number on me, huh?
I didn’t know Zadok Velarde. He was a name on a ledger, a memory in Cair’s head from many years ago. He’d shown kindness by not turning us away when we were in need, but how could I judge his character from that alone? It could be a trick, or a sense of duty. It could be guilt for leaving my mom. I didn’t know anything. That was what made me pause. I didn’t even know yet if he wanted to acknowledge me as his son, but I guessed the only way to find out was to do what I’d set out to andask him. It was what I wanted—to finally get answers—and I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least try.
Peering down at myself, I checked I was somewhat presentable. Coming back from the dead wasn’t exactly forgiving on that front, but at least I had a shirt and pants on. The rest he would just have to look past. “Yeah, I am.”