Page 83 of If This Was a Movie

THIRTY-THREE

JULES

Where are you?

I stare at the text on my phone and then out the front doors of the community center, trying to organize my thoughts as I watch silent, fat flakes of snowfall.

I left the cottage before the sun even rose to go to the community center and dance, needing to clear my head before I went to Nate’s for our talk. I’d been up most of the night, restless dreams plaguing me anytime I tried to fall asleep, but mostly thinking about the chaos of the last few weeks.

The disaster that was my place was flooding.

Finding Nate again, the instant pull we have snapping back into place.

Settling into life with Sophie and Nate and the way it felt normal.

Kissing him at the top of the Swift Building, and it feeling like a movie.

Nate and his whole family coming to my recital to support me, even though they barely knew me.

His mission to woo me, no matter how much I dodged his efforts.

It’s been just a few weeks, and they both have dug themselves so deep under my skin, so far into my daily life, I can’t escape them. More importantly, Idon’twant to escape them. While, logically, it tells me I need to just give in and give Nate the chance he’s asking for, all my anxiety-prone mind can do is focus on the aftermath.

What if this ends horribly? If I can’t survive a weekend without wanting to be by their sides, what will it feel like if we go a month, four months, a year, and things go sour?

It would destroy me. That much I know for sure.

For hours on end, I’ve practiced and moved, working through old routines and perfected routines I’ll be teaching in classes in January, trying to numb and block out the never-ending thoughts.

But each time they came through, knocking down the wall, I kept trying to erect them back up. I used to be able to hide away in dancing, the secret place I’d go to escape, but today, it isn’t working.

With each turn and leap, I think about my mom and how we’ll never, ever see eye to eye.

About my father and the way he helped create this reality where I guard my heart.

I think about all of the superficial relationships I’ve had in the past, keeping every potential suitor at arm's length and then cutting them off when they inevitably didn’t live up to the ideal I’d built up in my mind.

I think about Ava, who found love when she least expected it, and Harper, who has been trying to convince herself for far too long that Jeremy is the one for her.

But mostly, I think about Nate. How, for the first time in my life, I feel like I have someone. Someone outside of Harper and Ava who truly believes in me and wants whatever it is I want for myself. Someone worth taking that terrifying leap for.

I know Nate wants me to come to him and tell him I’m ready to take the leap, but if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I’m brave enough. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to tell him I’m ready to take a chance on him, on us.

But I’m also not brave enough to tell him no.

Which is why I sigh when I type out my answer, knowing he is absolutely going to know I went to the community center with every intention of avoiding him for as long as humanly possible.

At the community center.

I set my phone down and begin to walk away from it to the stage, but I’m turning back around when it bings again almost instantly.

A blizzard is coming.

His response is confusing and makes no sense, considering I expected him to start hounding me, telling me it’s time to make my decision.

What?

We’re supposed to get two feet of snow, Jules. Today.

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