Page 141 of Four Fiances & I

“Did he ever hit her?” I ask, and I’m surprised when he shakes his head.

“Tommy was many things and a complete shit, but he never touched a woman. He had no issues belittling her and gaslighting her until she nearly lost herself for a while. But sometimes I think he did love her, in his own way.”

“I wish I had gotten to meet her.” I smile as I reach up and wipe away a stray tear from his cheek.

“Me too, but if she had lived, we may have never met you, Sweetheart.” Christian cups my cheek before pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “I don’t even want to imagine a world where you aren’t in our lives.” He looks back to the window and appears to be deep in thought.

“This isn’t the life Mum would have wanted for us. When she appeared in the dream, I remember crying and apologising for failing her and not protecting my brothers. I had the gun to my head, but she lowered it and called me Blackbird and told me she was so proud of me.” Christian swallows deeply as he watches out of the window. “She told me that I had broken my wings to ensure my brothers kept theirs, but it was my time to fix my wings and fly.” Christian looks down at me, and my heart stops. “I want to move on and live life the way we should.”

“Do you still want to go ahead with Sunday?” I ask. Christian frowns as he stares at me.

“Of course I do. Why do you ask?”

“You had a nightmare about the wedding; I wasn’t sure if it was your way of realising it's not what you want.”

“Sweetheart, if anything, after speaking to you, I want it more than ever! Is that why you are sitting here? Because you have stopped getting everything ready?”

“No, I’m here because you were hurting, and nothing is more important to me than you four. If you're hurting, so am I!”

“Well, I’m fine now, so get out there and make sure everything is ready for Sunday!” he declares, pushing me until I’m off the bed. “Go; see the girls and get shit done while I have a an hour in the gym.” He is back to being playful Christian, and the spark slowly returns to his eyes. But I know he still has a long way to go, and I will be there every step of the way with him.

“You are only pushing for it because you don’t want to be the one to tell Mrs Brown we wouldn’t need a cake.” I laugh as he gives me a well, duh, face. “Fine, everything is still going ahead, and I’m going to see the girls.” Before I get a chance to walk away from the bed, Christian grabs me around the waist and pulls me in for a hard, passionate kiss.

“Thank you,” he whispers as he leans his forehead against mine. “I know I don’t need to say it, but I want to. You have no idea how much you help just by being you and distracting me when I need to be distracted or showing me love when I need it the most. You just make everything better, and I can't wait till Sunday.”

Tears well up in my eyes as I throw my arms around his neck and hug him.

“I’m always here for you, Daddy. Even when you think you don’t need me.” I press a kiss to his cheek and rush from the room before I do something I will regret, like burst into tears and become an emotional wreck.

ChapterForty-Seven

CHRISTIAN

It’s been three hours since I woke up, and I still can't shake off that fucking dream. I’m on edge, and although I know there is no way any of those particular people can get to my family, there are still people who can. I can’t let that happen; I won’t let it happen.

There is only one thing, other than losing myself in Jasmine, that helps me clear my head and work out what I need to do: hit something.

Within ten minutes of Jasmine leaving our room, I was in my gym shorts and walking down to our gym. I was so glad I didn’t bump into anyone, whether family or friends; I wasn’t ready to speak to anyone other than Jasmine. I have never been very good when it comes to talking about feelings. Tommy drilled it into me from a very young age that feelings will get you killed.“It's best to shut that shit off and stop focusing on the past. It's behind you for a reason.”Even though I have pushed my brothers and Jasmine to accept their emotions and talk about them, I’ve never been able to follow my own advice until today.

When Jasmine sat on our bed and encouraged me to talk, I felt a little lighter than I had in a long time. Could I be like that with someone other than my girl? Probably not. Jasmine has this way of making me comfortable enough to talk without even realising it. How did I, of all people, get lucky enough to have such an amazing woman by my side? I will never understand it.

I will never understand how Jasmine has grown into the big-hearted, considerate, selfless woman who always puts everyone before herself. She was brought up by such an evil, manipulative excuse of a mother who never showed her any love, yet that’s all Jasmine does. It’s why everyone who meets her loves her.

Jasmine and Carol Connors couldn’t be more different if they tried. Carol thought of no one but herself; the only time she ever wanted to admit she was a mother was so she could use her daughter to get what she wanted: drugs and money. Yet Jasmine was the perfect daughter in so many ways. Even when her mother was using drugs and abusing her, Jasmine still believed that there had to be some good in her somewhere.

The morning Jason and I took Jasmine to the house to get her things, I realised just how bad things had gotten and how evil Carol could be. Jasmine had told us several times what Carol was like when she was using, but seeing it first-hand made me realise just how strong Jasmine had been all those years. How she lived in those conditions with a mother that vile, I’ll never be able to comprehend. Tommy was an arsehole, violent and controlling, but my brothers and I had each other, as well as Mum, Mrs Brown, and a handful of friends, such as Terry and Geralt Young, who always looked out for us the best he could, it’s why he put up with Tommy’s shit. But poor Jasmine had no one in her corner once her grandparents died.

Thinking of Carol and Tommy, my nightmare flashes before my eyes again. Instead of letting it pull me under, I envision Hardy standing before me with that smug smile I took great pleasure in removing from his face. After all the pain he had caused my brother, there was no way I was going to let him live. I put everything I had into getting harder and stronger. I took out anyone who dared to look at me the wrong way. But the main plan was to make Hardy pay, and I did.

I’ve never taken pleasure in causing death. Every single one was a necessity to ensure that no one even considered attempting to hurt my brothers again. Even if I made myself the primary target, I didn’t care as long as those three were safe.

The whole time I’ve been trying desperately to push back all the memories of how I got to this point, I attack the punch bag like it is every single person who attacked me in one way or another. With Guns N' Roses blaring in my ears, I don’t hold back, desperately trying to find some sort of release because then I may be able to think of a way to get this latest threat away from my family. My mum told me to mend my broken wings and fly, but how can I do that when it will leave us all vulnerable? I will never take that risk, not now that we have Jasmine.

Every nerve in my body comes alive as I sense someone approaching me from behind. I don’t stop to think; I spin around whilst dropping to the floor, taking out their legs in the process. Before they’ve even hit the deck, they flip forward so they can get their balance before jumping back.

“What the fuck?” I yell, pulling my earbuds out. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” I stare at Terry, who looks a little shaken.

“I called your name four times, O’Reilly!” he snaps as I hear someone laugh from the door.

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