Page 140 of Four Fiances & I

“No!” I snap, my whole body tensing. Why has no one told me this?

“You wouldn’t know it, looking at how he is now, but he was the weaker of the two. He was so tiny, his lungs hadn’t fully developed, so he was on all kinds of machines; he didn’t stand much of a chance of survival. But Mum saved him; she realised that he deteriorated every time they separated the two of them. Maximus would whine whenever he wasn’t next to Sean, who would struggle with his breathing. The nurses didn’t believe her, but Mum told them she knew her babies, and they weren’t to be separated. Just three days later, Sean was improving, and Maximus was the most content baby the nurses knew.”

“They say mothers know more about their babies than anyone, no matter how old they get.” I smile, ignoring the fact that my mother was the complete opposite. She was a first-class evil bitch.

“She knew everything; no matter how much I tried to hide from her, she knew.” The way his smile slips tells me she knew things he really didn’t want her to.

“Did she know about that night?” I ask, knowing she would have still been alive when Christian killed my father to protect Jason.

“I think so,” he says as his eyes fill up. “She found me in the woods at the back of the house. I was crying, hugging my knees to my chest. Tommy wouldn’t tell her what was wrong, and Jason was so scared by the event that he didn’t speak for nearly a month. We were worried he had become mute. I used to sneak into his room after Tommy had gone to bed and sleep with him to stop the nightmares. They were the only thing that made him make a noise.”

“So how did she find out?” I ask, confused.

“She could have guessed; I think the fact that I was covered in blood, with busted knuckles and sitting in trousers soaked in my own piss was a giveaway.”

I gasp as tears fill my eyes at the same time as Christian’s widen.

“Shit, Baby, I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.” He sits up and cups my cheeks as I burst into tears. “I can't believe I said that. I’m so sorry. Sometimes I forget it was your dad.”

“That’s not why I’m crying,” I snap, taking him by surprise. “I’m crying 'cause I’m fucking furious at that arsehole, Tommy!” I yell, jumping to my feet as I start pacing around the room. “You were fifteen! Fucking fifteen, and he allowed you to get so scared you …. You pissed yourself!” I turn to Christian, surprised to see him smiling. “How are you smiling? I am on the verge of going looking for his body so I can piss on him! Before I set him alight!”

Christian laughs aloud before sucking his lips between his teeth.

“It's times like these you remind me of her the most.”

“Well, that makes me like her even more. Sounds like we would have gotten along just fine,” I snap, rolling my eyes before sitting beside him again.

Christian moves up the bed and holds an arm out for me once he’s sitting against the headboard. I sit beside him and curl up against his side.

“You two would have been a terrible combination. I dread thinking how many punishments you would add up in just one day together,” he says into my hair as I roll my eyes again.

“She sounds like she wouldn’t have let you punish me.”

Christian laughs as I feel him shaking his head.

“Not a chance, but then again, what goes on in our bedroom is no one's business.” He kisses the top of my head as I place a hand over his heart, glad to feel it beating normally. “She was in the dream.”

I move a little to look up at him, but he's staring at the ceiling.

“I’ve always believed she would be so disappointed in me. I’ve felt like I have failed her every day since she died.” His eyes close as he takes a deep breath.

“She died of breast cancer; it was so quick. She went from running around, cooking, and cleaning to sleeping twenty hours a day in six months. She still tried to make time for us, though. Every second she was awake, she would be with at least one of us, ensuring we knew how much she loved us.

“I didn’t handle it well. I was falling apart on the inside, but on the outside, I was the loving brother and son. I helped the twins with their homework and picked flowers daily for her room. She loved being outside, so I brought the outside to her when she couldn’t go out there anymore.” He goes quiet for a moment, and I let him have the time to remember her.

“The night she died, I was with her,” he says quietly after a few silent minutes to himself. “Tommy was out, nothing new, so I was readingPride and Prejudiceto her. It was one of her favourites. She tried to smile at me, but her eyes looked so heavy, and I remember thinking, ‘It’s going to be tonight.’

“Just before ten PM, she opened her eyes and smiled while holding her hand out to me. She called me something she hadn’t called me for years and asked me to climb on the bed with her, so I did.” Christian lets out a deep breath as he blinks back tears.

“She was so tiny in my arms. I held her just like this,” he looks down, giving me a small smile. “She reached up, cupped my cheek, and whispered that she needed me to be brave and look after my brothers. She told me that no one could protect them like I could, and I was to make sure Tommy couldn’t hurt them like he had me. It was then I knew she was aware of what was going on. So I promised her I would, because how could I not? I love my brothers more than anything other than you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them.

“I still remember the last words she said to me, and I will never forget. She started humming ‘Blackbird’,and with her last conscious breath, she whispered, ‘Fly, Blackbird, fly.’ She took her last breath less than five minutes later.”

“Why did she call you Blackbird?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me. Christian frowns, probably wondering how I know. “Jason told me earlier.”

“Of course he did,” he chuckles. “She loved the Beatles. I think if she had gotten her way, we all would have been named after them, but Tommy hated them. When I was born, my hair was jet black; it reminded her of a blackbird. She would sing it to me whenever I would cry. Apparently, it was the only thing that would make me stop. I was her Little Blackbird for years until Tommy put a stop to it.

“When I was seven or eight, he started forcing me to box, determined to ‘man me up.’ One day, Mum and I were in the kitchen doing something, and he flipped, that it was her fault I was so soft, and she was babying me by calling me by a stupid nickname. He also hated that I called her Ma. So, from that night, I was just to be called Christian, and she was my mother or Mum. We tried to keep it behind his back, but I slipped up and called her Ma in front of him, and he beat the shit out of me. So, from then on, she made us stick to his rules. Even though we both hated them.”

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