Page 24 of Stay in Your Lane!

“Some piranha species can get up to twenty inches long.” Kyle leaned down to look with me. “Including these ones, but mine aren’t that big. The one over by the grass is Bill.”

I moved a foot down the tank to see Bill, who was indeed hovering over the sea grass and letting it tickle his belly. “Aw, he’s missing part of his dorsal fin. Was it Steve?”

Kyle shook his head. “No, I got him that way. Piranhas actually nip each other’s fins a lot when they’re small, but they usually grow back fine. I’m not sure why Bill’s didn’t. Whatever happened when he was a little guy, it doesn’t seem to bother him now. Bill is definitely the relaxed one of the group. He mostly just chills there in the grass and waits for me to feed him.”

“What do they eat?”

“Anything fresh will do. I like to give them shrimp and?—”

Bang!A fishy face impacted the glass right in front of me, and I promptly fell backward onto my ass on the floor. “Holy shit!”

“Damn it, Steve,” Kyle muttered. “Swear to God, he’s going to give someone a heart attack someday. Are you?—”

“Oh my God, that wasawesome!” I pressed back up onto my knees and got close to the glass again, but hopefully not so close that Steve felt the need to attack. I didn’t want him to hurt his cute, squashy face. “Dude.” I looked up at Kyle. “Steve is like the Grumpy Cat of piranhas.”

Kyle smiled. I took that as a win. “He does look a little like he’s having a lot of opinions, doesn’t he?”

Honestly, this guy looked like he wanted to murder me. He swam back and forth just a few inches from the glass, always keeping one eye on me while working his jaw up and down, up and down, like he was contemplating how my flesh would taste. If I stuck my hand into that tank, I had no doubt I’d be missing a fingertip by the time I got it out again.

I had never met a fish with so much personality before. “I’m going to make friends with him,” I said confidently.

“You’re going to make friends…with a piranha.”

“Yes.”

“You realize he doesn’t operate on that level, right?”

“He’s friendly to you,” I pointed out.

“Hebitesme, just not as badly as he could,” Kyle corrected. “That doesn’t exactly make him friendly. Besides, I feed him, so of course he has more tolerance for me than for anyone else, but?—”

“See? Friends.” I looked back at Steve, who I am absolutely sure glared at me as he swam back and forth at the front of the tank. This was an incredible fish. If I could get him on my side, I could get anyone on my side. Maybe Kyle would keep inviting me back if I managed it…or maybe I needed to figure outhowto keep getting invited back so I had time to pull off a fishy friendship, because from the cranky glint in Steve’s eye I assumed it was going to take a while. Or maybe?—

Thud!“Meow!”

Smack!Steve’s squashy face hit the glass again, murder in his eyes as he watched Jeff the cat rebound.

“Damn it, Jeff!” Kyle grabbed his orange cat from where he’d landed after launching himself a truly impressive distance to hit the tank. “What did I tell you about staying away from the piranhas? You’re going to time-out.” He carried Jeff into anotherroom, and Steve, who looked completely done with all this shit, went back to skulk in the darkness of the castle. There were other fish in the shadows, too—maybe six in total in the tank? Seven? It was hard to tell. He did say seven, didn’t he?

Another cat, this one tricolor with long fur and a black patch over her right eye, appeared out of nowhere by my feet. She gazed up at me as if to say,“Fair warning, newcomer—it’s always like this here. Carefully evaluate your life choices, friend. Make sure you want to remain in this place of havoc and mayhem.”

“I definitely do,” I told her.”

“You definitely do what?” Kyle asked, and ah, awesome, great timing, way to catch me talking to your completely silent cat.

“Want to pet Patches,” I said, and bent down to scoop her up. Shealsomade an excellent baby cat, and was a mess of purrs in very short order.

“You’re good with cats,” Kyle said. He sounded a little put out. Maybe he didn’t want to share his babies? I could understand that.

“But bad with piranhas,” I reminded him. I was ready to make my case that he should totally let me becomebetterwith piranhas by having me over again later when his phone rang. He grabbed it, then made a face I didn’t quite know how to interpret.

“Give me a minute,” he said, then walked away toward the front door. I sat on his couch with Patches in hand and tried not to listen to his conversation. I did a really bad job of it, but that was more Facetime’s fault than mine. “Colin? Why are you—yeah. Yes.” He heaved a sigh. “Yes, I know about the party. I told Mom I’d be there already, I—no.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll help with a gift, but I’m not paying forthatshit.”

Whoever he was on the phone with went up in volume, enough that I caught some of what he had to say. “—a gift from the whole family, that includes you! You need to contribute!”

“Then I’ll buy a frame for his badge, but I amnotpaying to cover his handcuffs with a layer of gold leaf. That’s ridiculous.”

“Thirty years on the force, and you’re gonna call memorializing that ridiculous?”

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