Page 15 of Seeking Shadows

For a moment, the silence is suffocating.

Then, before I can breathe again, he’s there, stepping into my space, his chest almost touching mine. His hands come up to pin me to the wall, trapping me between his body and the cold surface. His breath is ragged, like he’s struggling to hold back the storm in his chest.

"Then what the hell were you doing?" he growls, voice low and tense, like a rope about to snap. His eyes are dark with anger and pain, his hands trembling with restraint.

I can’t think straight. His closeness is making it hard to breathe.No. This isn’t about us. This isn’t about me.

But his face is so close, so close I can feel the heat radiating off of him.

For a second, I swear I can see the rawness in his eyes—the longing that still hangs there, despite everything.

And Iwantto reach for him. I want to feel that warmth again, to feel something other than this hole in my chest. But I can’t.

And then, just as quickly as it all started, the moment snaps, like a rubber band pulled too tight. Zane pulls back, his hands falling to his sides, fists clenched. The tension crackles between us like static.

“Why didn’t you just come to me?” he mutters, more to himself than to me. His voice is rough, defeated. “You could’ve trusted me, Mia.”

I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. I don’t have the words. I don’t have a way to explain the chaos that’s been my life—why I kept so much from him.

Zane’s words sting, but they cut too deep for me to ignore. "I don’t know who the hell you are anymore," he says, his voice hoarse with frustration.

I flinch at that. Ishouldflinch. Because he’s right.

But the truth is—maybe I don’t know who I am anymore either. Not in this mess. Not with the weight of everything crushing down on me. Not with the guilt and the lies that hang like chains between us.

I let out a shaky breath, and my eyes stay locked on his. “Makes the two of us,” I murmur, barely above a whisper. It’s not a deflection. It’s not an apology either. It’s just… truth. He doesn’t know me, not really. And I’m not sure I know him, either.

I take a deep breath, forcing myself to focus, trying to anchor my thoughts before they scatter into a thousand directions.

The world feels too loud right now, everything pressing in on me like it’s just too much, too fast. I can feel the weight of it all—Zane, Carter, the truth I’m trying to bury—pushing me into a corner. It’s like the air itself is thick with tension, and I can’t breathe. But I fight it, fighting the urge to collapse into the chaos inside me.

I push the thoughts aside, but they slip through the cracks, like trying to hold water in my hands.Was I supposed to lie to him?Did I do the right thing?My heart races, but I tell myself to stay calm.

Focus.

I need to keep my feet on the ground, even if everything around me feels like it's shifting, spinning. The walls close in, but I won’t let myself fall into it.

The echoes in my mind,he knows the truth, he doesn’t know the truth—the confusion twists inside me, pulling at my mind. It feels like I can’t trust anything—anything—anymore. My hands shake slightly, but I force them to stay steady, refusing to let anyone see how bad it’s getting inside.

I glance at Zane, and for a moment, he’s not really there. It’s like I’m looking through him, into something else, something I can’t quite touch but feel pressing on my chest. My vision flickers for a moment, like a blur, and the corners of the room darken, just for a second. But then it’s gone. I blink hard, trying to clear the dizziness, but the feeling lingers.

A memory strikes me, sharp, brutal, like a knife slashing through my mind. I can’t tell if it’s real or just another twisted manifestation of my fractured mind. James’s voice echoes, harsh and unforgiving, drilling into me.

“You’re not allowed to forget what you’re meant to be.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block it out, but his words linger like a poison, seeping into my very soul.

“You will always be my monster, Mia. You were made to be loved by me, cared for by me, punished by me.” James’s voice becomes a jagged whisper, seeping through the cracks of my memories as his hands touch me, violating me, as if he owned me, as if my body was nothing more than his possession.

When the first tear falls, he tightens his grip around my throat, his fingers pressing into my skin, the pressure suffocating but strangely comforting in its cruelty. “Monsters don’t cry,” he growls, the words like acid to my raw, exposed heart.

I take a deep, shuddering breath, trying to pull myself away from the storm of memories crashing through me. I disconnect from the moment, force myself to drift somewhere—anywhere—else. Because it doesn’t matter, does it? He said he loved me, didn’t he? He said that’s how love is shown—through control, through pain. But why does love feel like it’s breaking me? Why does it hurt so damn much?

The panic rises again, my thoughts racing, twisting, and I feel my grip on reality slipping. I want to scream, but I swallow it down.

No. I can’t fall apart. Not here. Not now.

I shake my head, just once, to try and clear the fog.Stay in control. Stay present.

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