Page 62 of Annika's Aurora

“You need to stay strong … for her,” Johanna insisted.

Graham burst through the front door just as Johanna handed him a plate of toast and coffee. “Ian called,” he said breathlessly. “Someone saw a man at the docks with an unconscious woman thrown over his shoulder yesterday. He threw her into a small fishing boat and took off into the lake.”

“Petersen doesn’t own a boat,” Logan remarked.

“No, but he could have borrowed or stolen one. I’ve got Finch getting the helicopter ready. He’s waiting for us.”

This was just the break they needed. Now they had somewhere to start. He kissed Johanna’s cheek on his way out. “Bring her home!”

“I will,” he promised, feeling confident for the first time since Annika had disappeared.

The sun rose with a brilliant display of colors in the east, but Annika almost didn’t notice. She was so cold. Sometime during the night, she started cursing the makers of spandex. It was definitely not made for hours in the cold. She had dressed for running in cold weather with a moisture-wicking thermal layer underneath, but after so many hours, it had ceased keeping her warm, the chill permeated the layers. At least she had her thermal hat, gloves, and balaclava to keep the heat from escaping through her head. The fleece-lined windbreaker helped to block some of the biting cold.

Her hands had gone numb hours ago, especially since she’d tried so hard to pull them free. She could feel the dried blood irritating her wrists. Her butt was sore. And there was a pain in her leg that no position would relieve. The rocking motion was not helping anything. The cold was making her so tired; she just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. But now that the sun was up, she had to stay alert in case she spotted a passing boat, even though she hadn’t quite worked out how she’d flag it down.

Her thoughts turned to Logan once again. She wished, not for the first time, that he was here with her right now so that she could tell him how much she loved him, had always loved him, from the moment they met. These few weeks with him had been the most wonderful time of her life. She wanted more time, didn’t want to leave him so soon. Her tears flowed freely. She snorted a laugh as a ridiculous observation occurred to her; of course, her tears flowed, her hands were tied, she couldn’t wipe them away. Jeez, she must be losing her mind. If she didn’t get out of here soon, she feared she would definitely lose it.

Time. It haunted her. After Jamie, it was “you need time to grieve.” After her suicide attempt, it was “you need time to heal.” With Caleb and Suzanna, it was “toomuchtime.” It’d taken her too long to talk Caleb down, and Suzanna paid for that time with her life. And now, with Logan, it wasn’t enough time. It would never be enough time with him. They’d already lost so much time together.

Not knowing if she’d live or die today, her thoughts turned to her attempt to end all the pain. The overwhelming loneliness that led her to such a desperate act.

The spring before the third anniversary of Jamie’s death,Annika had just finished finals for the semester and was home at her parent’s house for a short break before starting another summer semester.After Jamie, she hadlost herself in her studiesdetermined to get her bachelor’s and master’s degrees as quickly as she could.Theintense focus she applied to her classes allowed her toescape her pain, andshe’dworkedher butt off to the detriment of everything else.She’dmade no friends.She’ddated a few men, slept witha couple, but nothing stuck. Theywerea poor substituteforthe man she really wanted. She was alone. Constantly. For the first eighteen years of her life,she’dnever been alone;Jamie had always been there. Then Logan too. And now they were both gone.

She’dwritten to Logan the week before and had been devastated…again…when there was no reply. Thinkingshe wasa fool for loving him so much when he obviouslydidn’tfeel the same, she let the depression and grief engulf her.She’dtried so hard to fight all these years, struggledto stay afloat,andfind her way in a world without her twin.But her toughestfightwasinnotdwellingon the manwho’dbroken her heart, andshe was so tired.The fighthadcompletelyabandoned her, leaving her desolate.

Alone in her parents’ house,she suddenly wondered why she was working so hard. What was the point?No matter how hard she worked, she would never be able to pull herself out of the deep dark hole she was in. She wanted to die.Sitting at her desk, she wrote two letters. One to her parents,which she left on her bed.The other one, the oneshe’dwritten to Logan, she’d hid deepin a drawer.She’dpoured everything she’d been feeling into that letter to Logan. Everything. Her love, her hurt, her anger, her grief. She wrote until her hand cramped.

Having nothing else left to do and no hoperemaininginside her, she swallowed a few of her mother’s muscle relaxers with alcohol until she was numb. Then climbing into the tub, she did the deed on one wrist but hesitated when it came to the other. Something told her to stop,that thiswasn’ther. She was stronger than this.

That was when her mother found her.Johannasaved heras a voice in her head reassured her that everything would be okay.

After some intense therapy,she’dwritten that final email to Logan. She needed to say goodbye and let him go if she was ever going to have any kind of future. Andshe’dbeen content. Not ecstatically happy, but happy enough with the direction her life had taken. She loved her studies while in college. Then she loved her job. She loved her parents. That was enough.

But now, having Logan back in her life. In her arms … she didn’t want to leave. Time. Again, it was about time. And this time, she didn’t want to die.

Chapter 17

Logan’sphonerang,andheusedtheinterfaceonhisheadsettoansweritwhilehangingoutthesideofthehelicopter,searchingforanysignofAnnika.IanhaddeterminedwhatdockPetersenhadsetofffromandwhichdirection.Evenfindingthemantheboatwasborrowedfrom,whotoldthemithadneverbeenreturnedtothedock.Unfortunately,itwasanoldermodelboatanddidn’thaveabuilt-inGPSsystem.Therefore,theyhadsetupagridpatternstartingatthedocks.Still,LakeMichiganwasbig.Itwouldtakedaystosearcheveryinch,evenwiththehelpfromtheirnewestNighthawk,Emma,andherCoastGuardfriends.

Logan tried to imagine where he could have possibly left her in Lake Michigan. Had she been stashed somewhere along the coast or, god forbid, dumped in the middle of the lake? If it was the latter, there was no way she would survive the freezing temperatures in the water for as long as she’d been missing.Please, God,don’tlet that be the case.

Answering the phone, he tried to understand Johanna through her tears. “Slow down, Mama Jo; I can’t understand you.”

“There was a note on the mailbox. I … I think it’s from him.”

“What does it say?” He pulled his head inside the helicopter so that he could hear her better.

“‘Now you know what it feels like to lose someone you care about. Her location will remain locked in my steelhead,’” she read. “But it’s weird … he wrote steel head as one word. Didn’t you tell me something about him belonging to that fishing organization? What were they called?”

“The Southwest Michigan Steelheaders.”

“It’s gotta be a clue, right?” She sounded so hopeful. But steelheads didn’t tell him much. He knew they were a type of trout, but that didn’t narrow down the search area for them. Suddenly, he remembered something he’d learned in Petersen’s background.

“Son of a bitch,” he shouted, hoping he was wrong about this suspicion.

“What is it?” Johanna asked.

“Petersen worked as an engineer for Midco. They are responsible for maintaining the lake buoys.

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