Page 18 of Annika's Aurora

“Because Jamie told me it was time.” And she believed that with all her heart. Then she gave a sly smile. “‘When you forgive, you love,’” she quoted. “That’s from Krakauer’sIntothe Wild.It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Now, if you could only forgive yourself.”

Yes, if only he could forgive himself. He didn’t know if what she believed about Jamie was true or not, but it sounded awfully nice. Maybe he should start listening for Jamie’s voice. He studied her face closely. A face that had haunted his dreams for the last fifteen years. She was so pure, so beautiful. He could lose himself for days in her bright blue eyes. He squeezed her hands. “Having your forgiveness goes a long way toward me forgiving myself.”

She smiled as she glanced behind him, causing his heart to clench. “Look. The sun is rising. It’s a brand-new day. A fresh new day with no mistakes. The faults of yesterday are in the past. Each day is a clean slate. A chance to start over and try to do good again.” She stood and went to the window. The sun shining off the snow highlighted her silhouette with light, and he’d never seen anything more beautiful. She turned to face him with her arms outstretched in joy. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Logan went to her and placed a gentle hand on her cheek. “My Sunfire. It certainlyisbeautiful.” She wrapped her arms around him, her ear against his heart. Definitely beautiful.

“Welcome home, Logan,” she whispered. He felt the burn of tears again. She was pure sunshine. Her rays of goodness surrounded him as he held her. He could feel her light and warmth reaching the darkest places of his heart. But a tiny part of him wondered if he was worthy of her light. The things he’d done over the years had marked him. Sure, he’d been in service to his country, but he sometimes felt his blackened soul was tainted and undeserving.

She looked up at him, her chin on his pec, and smiled. His heart melted, and his dark thoughts fled. He touched the corner of that smile with his finger. “Christ, that smile. You have no idea what that smile has always done for me. I’ve dreamed of that smile every day for the last fifteen years. I never thought I’d see it again.”

“Well, anytime you want one from me, you only have to ask,” she teased, her smile deepening.

“I’ll remember that.”

Her stomach growled, making him laugh. “What? It’s been over twenty-four hours since I’ve eaten. So sue me for being hungry.”

“Right. Well then, let’s get that monster in your tummy fed.” He stepped back and looked down at her. Suddenly it registered in his brain what she was wearing. “Is that my shirt?”

She smiled shyly, and a slight blush tinted her cheeks. “Yes.”

“Why do you have my shirt?”

The blush deepened.Fuck, that was adorable.“You left it here, at the lake house. I knew I should have found a way to get it back to you, but after you went away … It was all I had left.”

“And you’re still wearing it all these years later?” His heart felt lighter knowing she’d kept something of his so close to her. Not to mention, she looked sexy as fuck wearing his clothes. Especially with her hair disheveled as if she’d just enjoyed a night of hot, sweaty …

Fuck, not going there.He’d already had a hard enough time controlling his baser instincts while lying in bed with her, her beautiful, naked body in his arms. And when she’d kissed him … It had taken everything in him not to ravage her then and there. He’d never been turned on so fast before. He wanted to fuse her body to his and never release her. He could spend eternity in the sweet taste of her kiss and never be completely satisfied. He would always need more, thirst for more of her, crave her taste as if starved for her.

“I know it seems silly, but your shirt has always comforted me. And since I couldn’t have you near me, it was the next best thing.” She lifted the neckline up to her nose. “I used to imagine I could still smell you on it. It acted as a solace … a hug … from you. I know … silly.”

“No. Not silly. Come with me.” He took her hand and led her into his bedroom. Picking up the picture of the three of them, the one from that day at the lake house, he handed it to her. He watched closely as she looked down at it, studying her expression. Her eyes widened briefly in surprise before settling into wonder.

The picture had been taken after she had broken down and asked Logan not to leave. Annika, as always, was in the middle. They were both hugging her from either side. Their chins on her shoulders and their customary big silly grins on their faces. The boys were tanned and healthy-looking, Logan wearing the shirt she now wore. Annika, of course, was as beautiful as ever, even with the slight redness in her eyes from the tears she had cried that day. Looking at her now, he could see a sheen of tears begin to build again as she gazed at those smiling faces.

“That picture never leaves my side. I’ve taken it with me everywhere. You can see the crease lines,” he pointed to two lines in the picture where he’d folded and unfolded it over the years. “It’s been in my pocket on every mission. I was never without it. At night, I would fall asleep staring at that lovely smile of yours. My comfort.”

Annika stared up at him in amazement as a tear slipped down her cheek. He reached up and wiped it away. He studied the face that was more familiar to him than his own, reveling in the fact that he was looking at the real Annika and not a photographic representation of her.

“Thank you for showing me this,” she told him, an emotion he couldn’t quite name filling her eyes. “It … I always wondered … oh, never mind.” She shook her head and looked down at the picture in her hand, her lashes cloaking her eyes so he couldn’t read her expression.

He tilted his head to the side and bent his knees to be closer to eye level with her. Swirling emotions filled her eyes with a raw vulnerability that captured his heart. “What? What did you wonder?”

She sighed. “For a long time, I thought that you left because, without Jamie, there was no one left that you cared about. That all those special times we shared were just you being nice to your best friend’s sister. I didn’t think I meant as much to you as Jamie did.”

Chapter 8

Loganfeltlikehishearthadjustsplintered;theachehefeltforthepainhe’dcausedherwasthatintense.Heranthebacksofhisfingersacrosshercheek,wipinganothertearaway.“IleftbecauseI cared. It would have killed me to see you look at me with hate for what I’d done. I was convinced I was responsible for Jamie’s death. And like a coward, I ran from the blame I was sure you’d all feel was mine. It had been easier to leave with all the good memories before they turned sour with your anger and hate.”

She shook her head sadly. “Nobody ever blamed you, Logan. I never hated you. I hated that you disappeared and left me all alone. But I never hated you.” She dropped the photograph on the bed and leaned into him. Resting her forehead on his chest, her tiny hands grasped the belt loops at his hips. She took a deep breath and sighed. “God, what a mess we’ve both made of all this.”

He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to him tightly, his lips resting in the hair at the top of her head. He breathed her in, the orange fragrance calming his churning emotions. “This was all on me. I was the coward who ran. You did nothing.” He had a lot to make up for when it came to her. He should have known his actions would hurt her.He was an ass.

She looked up at him and his breath caught in amazement. Her luminous blue eyes were filled with forgiveness and understanding. He did not deserve her. “Oh Logan, stop trying to carry the weight of the world by yourself.”

He smiled; she had such a unique way with words. He’d always loved that about her. “That’s going to take time to fix since I’ve been doing it most of my life.”

She laid her cheek against his chest again, and they held each other quietly until her stomach reminded them she was still hungry. He laughed. “All right already. Stop badgering me.” He poked her in the stomach, making her giggle.

---