Page 71 of Annika's Aurora

When Graham gave them the minute warning, he and Jude sat on the platform at the stern. Logan strapped on his fins, pulled his hood up, and put his mask in place. One more check of the regulator, and he was ready. As they approached, Logan could just make out the top of the boat. It had indeed sunk quickly from the first mayday call. Receiving a tap on the shoulder from Graham, the signal to go, Logan and Jude pushed themselves off the RIB and sunk below the surface. Logan let the water engulf his body as he floated deeper. He was in his element under the water and enjoyed the quiet peacefulness. He was at ease, even though he couldn’t see jack shit.

Flipping on his dive light, Logan made his way to the boat. It was a medium cabin cruiser. He pictured the boat in his mind, finding the entrance to the cabin. The closer they got, the more he could make out of the boat. The stern was facing them; the door to the cabin was right in front of them. They swam past the bench seating and located the door. Sure enough, the thing was jammed. Reaching into his dive bag, he pulled out the plastic explosive, placing just enough to blast open the door.

Once inside, they spotted the passengers in the rapidly shrinking pocket of air in the corner. Two of them. A man and a woman. Mid-twenties, he guessed. He surfaced near them and took out his regulator. He introduced himself and Jude to the couple and explained how they were going to get them out of there. Since Logan could hold his breath for a fairly long time thanks to his SEAL training, he decided to forgo the extra gear for the woman and let her use his regulator. He could tuck her under one arm and have her out in no time. Jude, meanwhile, was adjusting the gear on the man.

Logan asked the woman if she was ready and, at her nod, indicated that she put the regulator in place. Taking a few deep breaths, he filled his lungs with air and dropped underwater again. In no time, he had the woman out the door of the cabin and was making his way to the surface, knowing his team would see the bubbles and know exactly where they were going to be. The RIB was there as soon as they emerged, and Graham and Evan pulled the woman up into the boat. Logan waited in the water for Jude and the man to assist them.

As soon as everybody was aboard, Finch turned the boat and raced to the nearest public dock where an ambulance would be waiting. Graham, meanwhile, was checking the couple over, determining they were slightly hypothermic after being in the chilly water for so long. But they would recover quickly as soon as they were under some warming blankets. All in all, one of the easier rescues he’d been on.

Upon arriving back at the Nighthawk’s facilities and stowing their gear, Logan headed to his room in the barracks to grab a few things. When he opened the door, he noticed an envelope on his bed. Picking it up, he read the sticky note that was on it.

“Found this in Annika’s old room and thought you should read it.” It was signed Papa J.

Logan opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. The corner of his lips lifted in a tiny smile upon seeing her familiar handwriting. But as he began reading, the smile died an agonizing death. This was the letter she said she’d written to him before she’d attempted suicide, and reading it tore his heart to shreds. Sinking to the floor, his back against the door, he read through it again. And then a third time, needing to punish himself with her words.

Logan,

Nobody tells you about the little things disappearing.I stepped into Jamie’s room,and it was so quiet and emptythatit hurt.His smell had faded. Hisclotheshadbeendonated.His body sprays,and other toiletries no longer clutter the bathroom counter.It’sa disappearing act that takes place over time, slowly, until one day you open your eyes toreality.He’sreally gone.

Then there is you. You did not live in our house,so there is no slowfading of your existence.You vanished. Tore the band-aid off too quickly,causing the wound toopenupagain until Ibledout.And I am left with only a t-shirt to try to staunch the flow.

For the longest time,I sustained myself on anger.An anger I detested because it was directed at you, my favorite person.You cut me open, slashed my heart to ribbons, thenI gotputback together wrong.There’sno healing from that.No balm that can soothe the pain. And the anger can no longer sustain.

I once read about a wasting grief. Days and nights full of despair that turn into months, then years,astime disappears, just like thosewe loved.And those of us left behind waste away in our grief.

I could have loved you, but never got the chance to see where we could go.The moments of pure blissfilled with laughter that we sharedonce sustained me. But now,the emptiness I feel seems togo onendlessly.I am defeated by the struggle toendure.

My wish for you is to keep living for both of us.Chase after your dreams.Find love. Experience all there isto encounter.And do not grieve,for I will exist forever in the memories and experiences we once shared.

“I will not say: do not weep;for not all tears are an evil.”J.R.R. Tolkien

Annika

Logan let the letter slip from his finger, watching as it floated to the floor. Lowering his head, he wept. He’d broken his girl. He did not deserve her forgiveness. He was not worthy of her love.

Three of the four attempts on her life had been his fault. The car accident, the attempt at suicide, and Petersen; he was responsible for them all. Hell, might as well blame the fourth one on him as well; he deserved no less. Not knowing if he could face her, he hid.

Hid from his shame. Hid from his guilt. And hid from the only woman he’d ever loved.

Chapter 21

AnnikawasgratefultoNatalieandMaddieforlettingherhangwiththem.Ithadbeentwodayssinceshe’dlastseenLogan.He’dtextedherafterhismissiontosaythereweresomethingshe’dneededtotakecareofattheNighthawksfacilitiesthatwouldtakeafewdays,andthatwasthelasttimeshe’dheardfromhim.

She’d tried to contact him several times, just to check in, but with each unanswered text, her abandonment issues reared their ugly head. He couldn’t have left her again. He wouldn’t. But a tiny voice in the back of her mind said he most definitely had. She hated that voice. It was the same voice that prompted her into her desperate act a decade ago.

Needing a distraction from that voice, she contacted Natalie, who invited her to dinner at her duplex. She was making the circuit around the living room, looking at all of Natalie’s amazing artwork. The one over her fireplace was magnificent. It depicted the lake from the shore with a storm brewing in the distance and painted in such a way that Annika could almost feel the breeze in her face.

“Natalie, this is stunning.”

Natalie joined her at the fireplace. “Thank you. It’s the spot that Graham and I spent the afternoon at before the tornado.” Natalie and Maddie had told Annika the whole story. How Graham had picked Natalie up from the side of the road when they were in high school after Maddie kicked her out of the car, then spent the rest of the day with her. He even offered to give her a first kiss, just like she’d requested of Logan all those years ago. Annika knew some things about the tornado that struck their town that day, having seen the 20/20 interview Graham had given, but she had no idea Natalie was the friend who’d helped Graham dig out his brother from his demolished house. And she’d had no idea that Maddie had been injured then, eventually losing her leg. She’d noticed Maddie’s slight limp but never would have guessed it was because she was wearing a prosthetic.

“This is a real place? It’s so beautiful.”

“Want to see more?”

“Absolutely.”

Natalie took her to her studio on the third floor of the duplex she shared with Maddie. That, in and of itself, was fascinating to Annika as well. They bought the duplex together, each turning their half into their own space. She would have loved to do that with Jamie.

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