Page 33 of Hearts Like Hers

Autumn raised an eyebrow. “You’re gettingquicker with the comebacks. This place is rubbing off on you.”

“Foot soldier in training.”

“A sexy foot soldier. See ya later,Lieutenant. Avoid those daydreams. I’m off the market.”

Kate smiled and watched her go. The darkcloud had been lifted, at least temporarily, and she knew exactly who wasresponsible.

* * *

Three days later, the waiting room of Dr.Arocha’s office was outfitted with precisely four straight couples and onelesbian couple, all perfectly paired and waiting to see the doctor…together. Ashappy little units. Autumn had known from moment one that if she were going tohave this baby, she would be doing it on her own. While it wasn’t what she’dimagined for herself growing up, it was her reality, and she was okay with it.Still, she noticed when the woman across from her squeezed the hand of the manshe was with, and when the lesbian couple exchanged the sweetest of smiles.“It’s going to be fine,” another man said quietly to his nervous wife. Shesmiled at them all. They seemed like nice people. They just made her wildlyaware of her “party of one” status.

“So, I’ve made a decision,” she told Dr.Arocha, once she’d been called back to his office. As lead doctor at the HollyGrove Reproductive Clinic, he had a massive office, complete with veryexpensive-looking furniture, which they now sat on together, as if old friendson a pair of couches catching up.

“Tell me where you’re at,” he said warmly.They’d met briefly a week prior, and he’d sent her home with some informationto peruse about the process and encouraged her to examine every step to be sureshe was ready.

“I did what you said after our firstconsultation, and I want to move forward. Alone.”

He clapped his hands once, thrilled with theanswer. “Excellent. Then let’s get started right away. We’ll put together acalendar and get you started on medication to prep your body.”

“That quickly. We can just…”

“We can,” he said with a smile.

“Oh. Okay. Then yes, let’s get started rightaway. Did you hear the part where I said I was doing this alone? With no oneelse? Because I am.”

“Wouldn’t be the first,” he said, as if itwere the most casual thing in the world.

“No, I mean, I know that. But in the waitingroom, all the couples. Happy. Smiling. I just wanted to make sure you know thatit’s just going to be me, and only me, at these appointments, and that I amokay with that. Totally fine.” She beamed at him for credibility. He wouldsurely see how happy she was! Just look! Autumn wasn’t sure why she needed herdoctor to understand, but maybe she didn’t want him feeling sorry for her atany point, or thinking that she wasn’t as thrilled to be embarking upon thisjourney as those couples out in the waiting room, because, God, she wanted thisbaby more than anything, and her doctor should know that.

“If anything,” he said gently, “you should beproud of your decision. You know what you want for yourself and you’re takingaction.”

“Right. That’s true,” she said, soaking upthe encouraging words and their salving effect on her psyche. “I think I neededto hear that, because I will be alone. Just so you know.”

“I think you mentioned that once or twice.”He smiled and moved to his desk, where he brought up her file on his computer.Impressively, the large screen on the wall lit up, mirroring his monitor andallowing her to follow along. “You’re thirty-four, so it’s good that we’redoing this now.”

She nodded, understanding that was code for“decrepit.” Right on cue, a graph of a woman’s declining fertility came on thescreen, and she watched the bar chart dwindle with each age notation. “Okay,that’s depressing,” she said, studying the chart and realizing that in just ayear, she’d fall off the medium-sized bar to the short one.

“Don’t think of it that way,” Dr. Arochasaid. “It’s science, and we’re ahead of it.”

She shook it off. “Okay, so what’s next?”

“We drew blood today, and as soon as thoseresults are back, we’ll have a better idea of your egg reserve. Next, we’llschedule an ultrasound to make sure everything looks okay. Have you looked atdonors?”

Oh, God. No, she hadn’t. How surreal was itthat she’d be picking a guy off a website to father a child? And what if shepicked the wrong one? Behind door number one was a happy, well-adjusted child,and behind door number two could be a miniature Jeffrey Dahmer. How was shesupposed to differentiate? Gah! “Not yet. No.”

“Take your time, and let Steph, ourcoordinator, know if you have questions about that part of the process.”

She smiled and sighed. The donor search wason. It was now or never.

At work that afternoon, Autumn’s mind hadapparently taken a leave of absence without notifying her. She’d forgotten theregular order of one of her newer customers, an order she’d committed to memoryand nailed the last two times the woman had come in. Today, she had to ask,which was cringe-worthy for the pride she took in offering a personal touch.Later, she’d forgotten to start the afternoon roast and had trouble makingcorrect change from the register. When the perfect foam flower she’d nailedhundreds of times wouldn’t materialize in the way she wanted it to, she just aboutquit life. While she wanted to ask herself what the hell was going on, she knewexactly what it was. The doctor’s visit had her preoccupied and nervous.

“Something’s on your mind,” Kate said, anhour later as she paid for her Americano.

“Is it that obvious?” Autumn tossed in abiscotti, simply because it was nice to see Kate’s face. It centered her,brought her back down from the crazy clouds of worry. Kate had her hair downtoday, parted on the side. She looked pretty. Autumn wanted to tell her so butheld back.

“Maybe not obvious to the larger world. Is tome. I’m happy to listen if it would help. I’m good at it.”

Autumn chewed the inside of her cheek. “Idon’t know that you want to hear all about it.”

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