Page 76 of Obsession & Oath

The thing I was too blind to see before is now staring me right in the face.

I love her.

I think I’ve always loved her.

But what do I do with that now? The Guild’s demands, my mother’s expectations, Leon’s orders—they all came first. And they always will. I can’t fucking have both.

Not when everything I’ve ever done has been so brutally selfish. This time, I have to get it right. Denying myself this is barely an atonement.

It’s a bitter, brutal realization. I stand there, gripping the back of the chair, staring into the empty room as if it will give me the answers I need. But there’s nothing. Just the cold silence, a reminder of what I’ve lost.

I close my eyes, fighting the anger, the regret, and the ache that’s gnawing at me. But when I open them again, the ballroom is still empty, and Carmen is still gone.

* * *

The castle is quiet, the kind of quiet that feels like the calm before a storm. Ironically enough, the sky has clouded over, too, threatening the first rain of the summer.

The sunroom, however, has still retained its signature warmth. Not that I can really feel it. My mind is still in pieces, scattered across the ballroom, lingering on the coldness in Carmen’s eyes before she left.

My mother gives me a long look over our breakfast table, but all I can do is stare down at the cup of coffee in my hands.

Evelina doesn’t speak at first. Her eyes flicker to me over the rim of her espresso, assessing, reading me the way only she can. I can’t hide from her—not like this. She knows me too well.

“Something has happened,” she says softly. It’s not a question.

I clench my jaw, not knowing where to begin.

“Where is Carmen?” she presses, her eyes narrowing in concern.

How do I explain this? How do I explain the mess I’ve created when I don’t even know how to make sense of it myself? We never even told Evelina, although there was no possibility she wouldn’t figure it out anyway.

All those dinners with Carmen weren’t a coincidence. The redesign of the billiard room and the rest of the wing hadn’t been just another of Evelina’s vanity projects. My mother hadknownand hadn’t rejected her.

She’d embraced Carmen. Eagerly.

The realization is a blow to an already painful bruise.

“She...ended things.”

There’s a flicker in Evelina’s eyes, though her expression remains neutral. “Ah. I see.”

I can feel my hands tightening around the edge of my coffee cup, my thoughts racing.

“I—” I pause, staring down at the dark liquid. “It was never going to…she was right. We were deluding ourselves, and…my loyalty will always be to the Guild, to the Grasso di Ferro, too. Thathasto come first.”

My voice falters, and that final statement comes out more like a question.

Evelina doesn’t say anything for a while, and in the silence, I feel like I’m drowning in my own thoughts. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to reconcile the man I am supposed to be with the man I want to be.

When she finally speaks, her voice is softer than usual, almost gentle.

“You don’t have to have all the answers right now, Dante. You don’t have to choose between one life and the other, not if you’re not ready. But what I hear...is that you’re not ready to let her go. And that’s the first step.”

“I don’t even know what to do with that,” I admit. “The Guild won’t let me walk away. And if I stay with her, if Ichooseher, I’ll be betraying everything I’ve worked for.”

“Maybe,” she replies quietly. “Or, maybe not. The Grasso di Ferro have no quarrel with the Cartel.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

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