Page 41 of Never To Forever

I’m fucking pregnant.

A whirlwind of emotions overwhelms me. Shock, fear, uncertainty… but also, strangely, a flicker of excitement.

I’m going to have a baby. I’m going to be a mommy.

My heart hammers in my chest as I drop one hand to my belly. There’s a little being inside me right now. It’s so tiny, but it’s mine. Mine… and Garrett’s.

Garrett. How in the world am I going to tell Garrett? Things are so complicated right now, and I have no idea how he’ll react. I’m terrified that he’s going to be upset. He’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to be with me, and now this… what will he think of me?

I rub my hand over my belly and murmur, “Don’t you worry, baby. I’m going to figure this out. Whatever happens, it’s not your fault. I don’t want you to think for one second that you aren’t loved.”

Is it silly for me to be talking to it already? Maybe, but it’s also oddly comforting. Suddenly, I’m not alone. I’m going to matter to someone who loves me. I won’t just be an obligation or a burden to my kid. They’ll need me and want me around because it’s me… their mom.

My heart swells at the thought and I hug myself, tight.

I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to protect my baby. I won’t treat my child the way my Dad has been treating me lately. They’ll be cared for and loved, and will never question whether they’re wanted. Even if Garrett doesn’t feel the same way, this baby will never doubt its place with me.

Pushing to my feet, I set the pregnancy test back on the counter and wash my hands. As I dry them, I gaze at myself in the mirror. I look pale and tired, with bags under my eyes. Really, I look like shit, and I still feel like crap, but that’s not my biggest concern anymore.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do, so maybe it’s for the best that I don’t tell Garrett about the pregnancy yet. I’ll keep it a secret from him for the time being while I figure out what to do and how to tell him. I should talk to Haven, though…she’ll be able to help me.

Raising my chin, I give my reflection a confident once over. The next second, my stomach flips and the nausea hits me hard and fast.

Damn it!

I lunge for the toilet, throwing the seat up just in time. I empty the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl and moan in misery as I continue to keep my head draped over the edge. Well, at least I know why I’m sick… not that it makes me feel any less terrible.

Placing my hand back on my stomach, I mumble, “You better be cute as hell.”

Then, I get sick again.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

GARRETT

Staring at my computer screen,I try to make sense of what I’m doing, but my brain feels like mush. I’m working on my final project for finance class; building a financial model for a hypothetical company. The project involves creating an Excel model with inputs, assumptions, and financial projections, mocking a sensitivity analysis to show how changes in assumptions impact outcomes, and ultimately, writing a report explaining the rationale behind the model’s design.

This project has been a beast, sucking up all my time and attention. It’s been over a week since I’ve been back to the library because I’ve been putting all my focus into this final. Marie wouldn’t be able to help me with this anyway. It’s my finance class, not the English class, and I’m supposed to work on it myself, using all the knowledge I’ve gained throughout the course. I’m just about done, which is a huge relief. Looking up from my laptop screen, I gaze around my kitchen and flinch at how much of a mess my place is. Dishes are piled in the sink, the trash needs taken out, laundry is scattered around the living room.

Groaning, I turn my attention back to the computer. I just need to finish up the last of the report and submit it, and then I’m done.

And… send.

I slump back in my chair and let out a groan of relief. Thank God. It’s over. I can finally breathe again.

Pushing to my feet, I stretch my neck side-to-side and raise my hands above my head to work the knots out of my shoulders. Looking around at the mess around me, I just feel exhausted. I need to get out of here. Get some fresh air and interact with people. It seems like it’s been days since I’ve seen another person. I haven’t even talked to Haven beyond a few proof-of-life text messages.

I get cleaned up, showering and changing my clothes before grabbing my keys and heading out the door. Deciding it’s been a minute since I’ve seen my sister, I head out to her and Christian’s acreage just outside of town. When I reach the property, I drive up the long, winding driveway to the huge two-story farmhouse and park in an open spot in front of the garage. I make my way up to the porch, and before I reach the door, it swings open and Haven appears in the doorway. She’s wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and has her long auburn hair piled into a messy bun on top of her head. Her brows raise in surprise as she looks me up and down.

“Garrett? What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” I reply, grinning. “I just finished my final and thought I’d swing by and see how you’re doing. Christian messaged me and let me know you were taking a few days off from work because you haven’t been feeling well. Everything okay?”

She chuckles and rests a hand on her visibly pregnant belly. Five months in and she’s looking plump and healthy. I never really bought into the whole pregnant-woman glow thing, but I can see it in Haven. There’s something about her that just seems to be brighter.

“I’m fine,” she says with a teasing grin. I notice a bit of tension in her eyes. She must be tired. “It was just a cold…that’s the risk of working in a daycare, you know? I’m surrounded by human petri dishes. I’m feeling much better, though, and I’m happy to see you! It’s been so long. We were about to send a search party. Congratulations on finishing your final! Come on inside.”

She moves to let me into her large two-story farmhouse home and we make our way to the living room. There are toy trucks and blocks spread across the floor that we tiptoe through, and extra pillows and fuzzy blankets all over the couch. It almost looks like a nest that I assume Haven has been hunkering down in whenever she gets the chance.

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