Page 77 of Injustice and Absolution

Not my money. Not my love. Not my body.

Only my truth.

And as my lie continues to fester between us, I can feel his emotions retreating. The pain I’ve caused him carving a divide between us.

“I-I’m sorry, Drew.” I take one step toward him, needing to feel him beneath my touch.

But he backs away from me, further splitting the self-inflicted gouge in my heart. The painful prickling that occurs as tears form stabs a path across my eyes before pooling in my lids and tumbling down my cheeks.

“Your apology means nothing to me without the truth, Delilah.”

His words wrench a sob from my chest, and the agony propels the truth from my lips.

“We had sex. Once.”

Drew's eyes shoot to mine. Lips pursed, his jaw flexing. His stare sharpens, once again, at the undesirable truth of my confession.

“When?”

I swallow nervously, knowing as soon as I tell him, he’ll realize Royce is the person I was referring to as the one I was having trouble getting over.

“A couple months ago...” My voice is barely a whisper as I await the recognition in his stare.

“He’s the one.” It’s not a question, and my remorseful tears fall more rapidly than before. “The guy you were fucked-up over at the bonfire when you got drunk and threw yourself at me like a slut.”

I close my eyes at his harsh words, another tear leaking down my cheek. His anger bites harder than any pain I’ve felt before. And it’s all my fault. I can’t even allow myself to be mad at him because I caused this.

“So you mean to tell me...” One hand flies to his hip, and the other points at me with acid-laced accusation. “You award the guy who fucked you like a whore, and who threw you away like you’re nothing, the enamored gaze I just witnessed?”

I choke on another sob and clench my hands together in front of me. My restless fingers desperate to find something to ground myself to as I’m overtaken with anguish.

“A look I'veneverseen in your eyes before tonight. What a fool I’ve been... I’ve never treated you less than the fuckinggoddessI believed you to be, and I’ve never been blessed with such an enraptured gaze from you.”

“Drew,” I cry out, my voice strangled by another wail. “It’s not like that, I swear.”

“Is it because I'm not old enough to be your father? Is that it? You have a daddy kink because of your fucked-up childhood?”

His words suck the air from my lungs. I want to argue, to tell him how fucked-up it is for him to cast such harsh generalizations about me. But I’m paralyzed, forced to take a pause.

The idea that he may be right creeps up my neck, but I stop it before it permeates my brain. In my heart of hearts, I know it’s not true. I’m attracted to Royce for a number of reasons, none of which have to do with his age.

Explaining Drew’s accusation away as hurt—again—I shake my head to clear it and focus on the man in front of me. The one who I hurt because ofmyown foolish actions.

I close the gap between us, my hands flying to his shirt as he backs up into the door. I wring the fabric between my fists, desperate for something to hold onto, but I’m fighting even harder to make him believe me.

As strong as my grip is, the rest of my body grows weary. I rest my head against him and bawl into his chest, soaking the fabric of his shirt with my flooding tears.

“There is nothing between Royce and me. It was one time. And a horrible mistake. I swear to you. Please... Please believe me. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry...” I plead with him.

Even more than needing to be believed, I need him to hold me. To forgive me. To wrap me in his arms and tell me I’m still his pretty girl.

I know it’s not fair for me to expect his comfort when it’s me who should be consoling him. It’s not fair for me to expect him to let it go or sweep it under the rug so casually. To release the anger and disappointment I’ve caused him without giving him the time he needs and deserves to heal from this pain.

But his rejection will debilitate me.

I recognize my selfishness in this situation, and the stinging bite of self-loathing cuts me deep.

When his hands cover mine, my lips part as my body tingles all over with palpable relief. I lift my head to meet his gaze and realize my reassurance is misplaced.

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