Page 12 of Injustice and Absolution

Need.

I do want and need someone like Royce in my life. By my side. Someone to protect me and always have my best interests at heart. But I can’t let myself make him out to be anything more than exactly what he is.

My best friend’s father.

Whether from the shock of what I thought I felt or from fighting with my mind to sort through my ridiculous notions, I lose all track of time. Before I know it, I hear Maggie calling my name from the bottom of the stairs.

“Delilah, if you don’t get down here, you’re going to miss your own damn party!”

Sitting up in bed, I call down to her, “Be right there.”

I quickly change into the new shirt she bought me for my birthday. It’s not exactly my style, but it’s very pretty. Black with patches of thinner material that you can see my bra and stomach through here and there.

And it’s a little lower cut than I’m used to. I’ve never been eager to show off my body. Being forced to do so, coupled with my father’s brutal scrutinization, has kept my wardrobe on the more conservative side. But I can’t help but feel a mix of danger and allure when I look in the mirror.

It makes me want to be a different person than the one I’ve been up until today. I don’t want to be the scared girl I’ve always been. The one who sinks into the shadows of everyone around her.

I don’t want to shy away from my reflection when I look in the mirror; I want it to empower me. I want the sight of my breasts, jutting out over the neckline of this shirt, to make me feel bold and sexy.

I don’t want to miss out on the things I desperately want but feel I’m not worthy of. I’m still scared, but this feeling has been morphing into something …different …since the day I was rescued.

What once was a crippling fear of my father has more recently been turned into a fear of living. As though I’m afraid to be happy. Like I’ll get a taste of a better life before it gets taken away from me again.

I’ve had four years to put the past behind me, and I don’t want to dwell on it any longer. I know I can’t just snap my fingers and forget all the pain and trauma I’ve been through. But if I never try to move forward, I’ll be stuck in the past forever.

So I’m turning the page and beginning a new chapter...

Starting tonight.

CHAPTER FIVE

DELILAH

There’s something to be said about liquid courage.

At least that’s what I’m attributing my good time to, because as gung-ho as I was about being a new version of myself a few hours ago, it doesn’t happen this quickly.

While I usually tend to stay in the background due to my rampant social anxiety, among other debilitating mental illnesses, tonight I’ve instead chosen to partake in several different obligatory party games and conversations.

I’m far from drunk—because I don’t enjoy the feeling of losing control—but the few beers I’ve had have helped me let loose and have more fun than I normally would at one of these events.

Unfortunately, my good mood is fading as quickly as myfriendscontinue to consume more than their fair share of alcohol. Maggie is like me and has never been a big drinker, and the same goes for Fernando. Usually, I hang around with them when everyone begins to teeter on the edge of losing control.

However, they left me alone about an hour ago and took one of the four-wheelers to have sex somewhere more private. There’s no telling when they’ll be back either. Maggie is very open with me about the lively sexual side to her relationship with Fernando.

To my greatest chagrin.

Apparently, he takes his time making sure every inch of her body is satisfied—multiple times—before he gets his. A detail I could have lived my entire life without knowing. And one that fills me with a bitter sadness.

Which brings the gauge of my emotional gas tank swinging toward other things alcohol is known for...

Inciting depression.

Rousing self-loathing.

Reminding you that others have exactly what you crave and will likely never have for yourself.

“Never have I ever...” Jennah thinks of something to make everyone drink to as Mickey nuzzles her neck. “Actually … you’ll have to come back to me.”

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