Page 46 of Release Me

I don’t know if I can do that.

“What are you thinking?” he inquires.

I take a little while to answer. I don’t know if I’m refusing to tell him what I’m thinking or if I’m simply too afraid to. He can tell there is a war going on inside of me, and he gives me the time I need to sort through it. Finally, I realize I’m being a chicken shit. Like he was when he was at the club that first night.

Just roll with the punches, Brynn. Get out of this experience what you can. When it’s time to leave, fucking leave if you want.

I look around his office again, and I think about the gigantic house beyond it. His plane, his helicopter, all of this gorgeous land. He came from nothing, just like me. White trash. A statistic. A screw up who would never amount to anything. I’m not dumb enough to think that if I listen to him and let him boss me around these next seven months that I, too, will be a rich doctor someday. But I do wonder if I will be better off leaving than I was coming in.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I decide to give in. Be completely honest and try to be open to theprogram.

“I’m thinking I don’t know if I can do that. I walked away from you the other night because I found myself trusting you. You told me you wanted to help me, that you wouldn’t let me fall, and I trusted you.”

“I didn’t let you fall, Brynn.”

“I’m not finished,” I snap.

“My apologies. Please continue.”

“I grew up not trusting anyone. It was me against the world and I didn’t need anyone else in my life. Not for any longer than it took to get my fix, anyway. Until one day, someone came into my path, and I fell hard. He was the first person I ever confided in. The first person I was ever faithful to. The first person I ever had an emotional connection with. I trusted him, and he tore my heart out. I swore then and there I would never rely on anyone ever again. I would never put my hopes and dreams, my life, in someone else’s hands.”

I have to look away from Dick before I continue. I can’t say what I need to say while looking him in the eye.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of giving you a part of myself, of you having control over me and my life, only for you to turn around and throw it away. Throw me...away.”

Before I realize what’s happening, Dick is up from his chair and taking a seat next to me on the sofa.

“Brynn,” he begins, but stops.

Why did he stop? What’s wrong? Is he changing his mind? Does he not want me?

“Jesus!” I scream, grabbing the sides of my head and jumping up from the sofa.

“What’s the matter?” I hear him behind me.

“I can't stop the voice in my head. I just need her to shut thefuck up!”

“Hey, hey. Come here.” He places his hands on my shoulders and turns me around to face him.

Softly gripping my chin in his hand, he forces my attention back to him. His eyes command me to speak, and at the moment, I don’t have the mental capacity to try and fight it.

“You...stopped talking and she just...she started planting ideas in my head. That you suddenly think I’m not worth it.”

“Of course you’re worth it, Brynn. I was only trying to find the right words to describe exactlyhowworth it you are.”

I look up at him, dumbstruck by his admission.

“You aren’t a piece of trash to be thrown away, Brynn. I haven’t had a full-time sub in years because no one has held my interest long enough. But then I sawyou,restrained to that bed at Meadowlake, writhing in pain and forced to fight your true nature. I meant what I said to you yesterday. I’m not trying to change you, at least not in the way you’re thinking.”

I can barely recall anything he said to me yesterday. I take a moment to try to remember, but come up with nothing.

“You have no idea how turned on I got reading your file. And it wasn’t so much the sexual acts you got in trouble for that did it for me, although they were...lovely...to read.”

His eyes practically roll back in his head when he says “lovely,” and the pleasure that rushes through my body sends a wave of heat over my skin. He takes my head between his large hands, and pins me with a stare.

“It was your spirit, Brynn. And that’s something I never want to break.”

The sincerity in his eyes is crystal clear, and no amount of uncertainty could cloud it from my view. I have a hard time catching my breath.

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