Page 45 of Release Me

“Yes?”

“Can we start over? I’d like to know what wassupposedto happen. Minus the playing around part. Th--”

I cut myself off before I let out what I almost let out.

“What is it? What were you about to say?”

I take a deep breath before I say what I don’t want to admit.

“I was going to say, minus the playing around part, though I wouldn’t mind trying again when I’m feeling better down there.”

“I would like that as well,” he agrees.

Standing up from his chair, he retrieves a packet of paper from his desk drawer. When he hands it to me, I look it over. It’s a list of hard and soft limits, a set of rules and expectations, a list of punishments with an asterisk next to it. I look at the bottom of the page and read “*this is not a conclusive list.”

On the last page in the packet is a contract of sorts. It doesn’t state specifically that I will be giving myself over to him, but that I would willingly give the lifestyle a fair try. That I would have an open mind and agree to push my own limits. When I am done reviewing the packet, my eyes meet his again, waiting for him to continue.

“I became a Dom before I became a doctor. If it wasn’t for the dedication and responsibility taught to me by my Domme, I never would have graduated. She set goals for me, and I had to meet them, or I would be punished.”

“Why?”

“Why would I be punished?”

“No, why did you do that? Put your life in someone else’s hands?”

“From the moment I stepped into that club, she could sense a fury in me. She saw a tortured, vulnerable little boy. But she also sensed strength and determination.”

“How?”

“By my actions. My attitude toward people and situations. The first time she approached me, I wanted nothing to do with her. There was no way I was going to let a woman boss me around, right? But she had me pegged before I even saw her. She challenged me to submit. Told everyone who was watching I was too chicken to do it. It didn’t take much for me to do something stupid back then, but if someone dared me, there’s no way my ego was letting go of the opportunity prove someone wrong.”

I shift in my seat, getting more comfortable as he continues.

“She took me into a private playroom and had me on my knees in no time. I hated every moment of it. I remember thinking to myself, when I left that night I was never coming back. But, being the hard ass I was, I couldn’t bitch out before the challenge was over. She tied me down and asked me questions about my life. Only, she wasn’t actually asking. She was telling me every awful thing I already knew to be true about myself. Things I’d heard from my father growing up. Things my aunt and uncle would say about me. Things that everyone who had failed me in my life always told me. At first I was angry, and I denied everything.

“But then, she told me what else she saw. A scared and confused boy who needed guidance. Someone who craved the authority I never had as a child. A man who doesn’t know how to be one because I never had a good example set for me growing up. She said a lot of things that night, and I ended up a weak, sobbing mess. I couldn’t believe she could tell all of that about me just by looking, having never met me before in my entire life.”

Does Dick think he knows me as well as this Domme knew him?Does heactually know me?

“Then what happened?”

“She sent me home and told me to come back the following night. I refused and told her she would never see me again. But the next night, nothing could keep me away from that club.”

“I don’t understand, why would you go back if you hated it?”

“Because what I thought was hatred toward her was actually my brain’s reaction to someone’s acceptance of me. I couldn’t understand it. For the first time in my life, someone was accepting me for the person I was.”

“But you said she changed you. She turned you into some workaholic and used violence to help get you there. How do you know you weren’t just falling for it because that’s what you were raised with?”

“She didn’t though. Growing up with no stability, with no order, was complete and utter chaos. I craved consistency, structure, and discipline.Thatis the person she saw when she looked at me. Through her teachings, I gained confidence, awareness, respect, individuality.”

He paralyzes me with a knowing stare.

“I gained my freedom, Brynn.”

“And now you think you’re her and I’m you?”

He doesn’t answer, he just cocks his eyebrow.

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