Page 51 of With Love

“I’m not Marshall. There is no way to know for sure unless you ask him and he actually tells you the truth. But, if I had to guess? Honestly, to me, it sounds like he thinks you might be damaged goods.”

I stare at him, unblinking. I can’t believe this. No, I won’t believe this. Owen doesn’t know Marshall like I do. There’s no way.

We sit in silence a little while longer before Owen asks me if I want to go outside again.

Slowly, I nod my head in agreement and stand up. I may as well, this might be one of the last times that I get to enjoy it.

* * *

“So, what do you think they do down there for fun?” Owen is referring to the few people who live at the base of the mountain in the middle of nowhere.

We’re sitting on the rock at my favorite place in the woods. The one that overlooks the lake and the river below. Marshall swears he didn’t have the rock installed here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. He thinks of everything.

“I don’t know. Probably swim in the lake or the river, maybe? It doesn’t look like there is much else to do around here.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty boring.”

“No, it’s perfect. It may seem boring, but I could stay out here forever. When I’m here it’s like I don’t have a care in the world.” I exhale and lay flat on my back on the rock.

Owen takes the twig that he’s been twisting and tosses it off to the side. He leans back on one elbow but turns his body so he is looking at me.

“If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?” he asks me.

“Hmm… here probably. This has everything I want.” I smile up at him. “What about you?”

“Wherever you are,” he says after a few moments, his eyes darting between both of mine. Then, he slowly begins closing his lips on mine.

“Wait,” I say, pushing on his shoulders trying to get some room between us. “Owen, I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”

“Why not?” He sits up and loops his arms over his knees, his hands grasped together by his shins.

I lay there shocked, wondering how I managed to lead him on.

“You’re my best friend. I never meant to make it seem like it was more than that. I am so sorry. The last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt you.”

“Do you know how much it hurts, feeling the way that I feel about you, and hearing you say that I am just your best friend?”

“Owen, please. You’re not just my best friend. You are so special to me. Just in a different and not at all less important way. I don’t want this coming between us. ”

“Adrienne,” his forehead crinkles, heartache written all over his face. “What does he have that I don’t?”

“He has my heart, Owen.”

Though it felt as though hours went by, just a few minutes later Owen got up and trekked back to the house.

Meanwhile, I stayed out on that rock for hours more, wondering how in the fuck I was able to drive away the two most important people in my life, in just a matter of hours.

* * *

It wasn’t until around 11 o’clock that evening that the chime from the front door opening went off, signaling Marshall’s arrival.

Marshall was gone the entire day.

He could have driven to the main road and sat in his car the whole day or driven around the entire state of Pennsylvania, but all I know is he intentionally spent the entire day away from me.

I hear some more movement downstairs and then comes the familiar pattern of someone walking up the steps. I thought he was headed to his room, until I notice the sound of his steps getting closer.

My eyes slam shut the second I hear him begin to turn the doorknob and step into my room.

“Adrienne,” I hear him whisper. “Are you awake?”

I want nothing more than to fly out of this bed and run to him. To feel him hold onto me for dear life and want me as much as I want him.

But anxiety has me rooted to the spot and my eyes feel like they’re cemented shut. He stands there without moving for a few minutes. Why hasn’t he said anything else? Why doesn’t he come and wake me up? Why isn’t he climbing into bed with me?

Why do I feel like I have lost all of the control that I’ve gained since coming here? Just last night, I stopped everything because I was afraid to lose it. And here I am, a little more than 24 hours later, and it’s gone. It’s as though I never had any business trying to be in control of my life. I obviously don’t know what’s good for me.

Finally, he turns and leaves the room. I guess he couldn’t bring himself to cuddle up with damaged goods for one more night.

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