Page 83 of This Loving Feeling (Mirror Lake)

He looked so worried. She wanted to reach over and smooth the frown lines on his beautiful forehead. Kiss them away. But that would only distract them both from the truth.

“But you want to go. Of course you want to go.” She waved her hands in the air a little wildly. She felt wild and out of control. And she couldn’t seem to stop rambling. “I mean, it’s the Stones, right? How can you pass up that opportunity?”

“Sam, this tour will secure my place as a serious player in the industry. I hope you understand. It’s impossible to pass up.”

She felt like she had a llama on her chest. Or a camel or an alpaca or some giant humped creature that was preventing her from sucking in air. She had to clear her throat so she could get the words out. “Sounds like you’ve already decided.”Without me.“When were you going to tell me?”

“Tonight. Please understand. It’s once in a lifetime.”

And I’m clearly not.Oh, she didn’t say it. How could she make him feel guilty for pursuing his dream, right?

He looked at her intently. She had to give the man credit, turning those melty dark chocolate eyes on her dulled the pain—for a second. “I want you to know I’ve already secured Ed Sheeran to replace me,” he said. “You’ll at least have a headliner that will draw a huge crowd.”

Dammit, tears were stinging her nose and she was getting that closed-up-airway feeling again. “Okay, so when will you be back?” she asked. Maybe this wasn’t all bad. Maybe she was making a big deal of nothing. “So maybe you’ll go and do your thing for a couple weeks, and maybe Stevie could stay here while you’re gone, and when you come back we could make some real plans, like enrolling him in school. I have to make a decision about a place to live after the Donaldsons get back from Europe, and I was thinking maybe I could move in ... here ...”

His face stopped her. Oh, God, there was not going to be a “we,” was there? They were not going to settle here in this big beautiful, refurbished farmhouse with the killer view and have a flock of dark-eyed, olive-skinned children and live to see old age, rocking in big old chairs on this beautiful porch. “Lukas, talk to me. Please.”Because my throat is closing up and I might be having a heart attack. And a stroke.

“The Stones thing is for eight weeks, but I’ve got an offer for a new contract. They want me back in LA working on a new album as soon as the tour is done.”

“Oh.” More bad news. More time apart. She wanted to hear him say something reassuring.I love youmight be nice, orwe can work this out. She’d take either. But he was silent. He was not jumping to compromise or to fight for what they had.

It struck her that she’d been through this before, with Harris. Always waiting for him to tell her that he loved her, that he wanted her, that he couldn’t live life without her. It was always,well, we’re awfully close to making some big decisions, orafter this summer, we’ll reevaluate, like their relationship was a business plan or something. But with Lukas ... well, she’d had such hopes. She’d felt that he was The One, that they’d found each other after all this time, and nothing would stop them from being together.

Oh, it was just that artsy, emotional side of her. Going and falling in love when she knew he was bound to leave again. She should have done as Brad wanted long ago and gotten that logical, practical business degree. Maybe it would have given her more sense in dealing with relationships.

“So where does that leave us?” she finally said because he was saying ... nothing. Her words sounded weak and far, far away.

“I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

“When will that be?”

“Probably September. Or October. Of course, you can fly out any weekend you want to be with us, too.”

She let his words settle into the beautiful spring evening. Birds were swooping low over the lake and a riot of them were chirping and tweeting in the brush. Glorious, but not for her.

The old Sam would have let that go. Would have accepted what he could give and not demanded any more.

But she’d changed. Maybe she’d spent too many years trading her voice for the security she craved. But now that she’d shot security all to hell, what was left? Not a damn thing.

She turned to Lukas and looked him in the eye. “Is that all you have to say?”

He frowned. Like he was genuinely perplexed at what to do next. “Sam, I have to do this to secure my future—our future. I can’t just settle in here without a job, without a plan. That would be a disaster for everyone.”

“I’m not asking you to give up your career or even this opportunity. I’m asking if you love me.”

God, she hated herself for asking him that. Just like she’d made a fool of herself for suggesting she move into this house with him. She should just stop talking, but her mouth was a runaway locomotive and she could not put on the brakes.

He looked a little stunned. And he still hadn’t said a thing. “Love means promises,” she said. “It means compromise. It means working together to find a solution.”

“Why don’t you come with us until school starts?” he asked. “Then we can reassess things in the fall.”

Reassess? There was that business-plan language again. She stood a little too quickly, her glass tipping and dark wine spilling across the old porch boards.

“I’m not leaving Mirror Lake, Lukas. I gave up almost everything about who I was for Harris, and I’ll never do that again.” There, she could be stubborn, too. Maybe she could have done it, gone on the road. But he sounded so—so lukewarm about everything. Like he didn’t really want her there at all.

“So you want me to make all the compromises.”

There it was. “You know what, Lukas? I would never keep you from your dream but I actually see something else going on here entirely. More than a man just trying to work as hard as he can to be as successful as possible.”

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