‘Shortbread,’ breathed Tobias.
He was right. She looked like a biscuit tin. A dazzlingly beautiful biscuit tin. She looked prettier than I’d ever seen her: her hair in glossy, loose curls that bounced as she moved, her face subtly made up and slightly flushed.
‘I swear to God she was in hair and make-up for three hours,’ said Tobias.
‘And it was worth it,’ I said. He caught my eye and nodded.
Lucinda had paused halfway down. She straightened her gown, and took a deep breath.
‘Good evening, everyone,’ she said. ‘Please allow me to welcome you to the Stonemore Ball.’
Reflexively, I looked down at my feet. This was all too much. ‘The earl and I,’ she continued, and I felt Tobias nudge me in the ribs, ‘are delighted to see all of you. I now call upon the earl to raise the toast.’
I heard people shifting behind me, and felt Jamie pass me. I got a brief hit of his aftershave and fought the urge to flinch with the pain I felt. I was aware of him climbing the stairs and taking his place alongside Lucinda. I couldn’t look.
‘Good evening,’ said Jamie. I thought I heard the note of tension in his voice, but when I looked up he was smiling. My stomach fell two storeys. God, he looked amazing: dressed in black tie, white shirt pristine, tie as neat as if he’d measured it, the whole thing perfectly fitted to show the broadness of his shoulders, and the athleticism of the body I now knew all too well. I was so used to seeing him in work gear; this was a whole new dimension that would definitely be haunting my dreams. I looked back down at my drink and fought the desire to down it in one.
‘As Lucinda said, we are grateful for your presence here this evening.’ I felt Fi’s hand on my back, a slight, familiar touch of comfort. She knew I would be finding this difficult.
‘We’d like to open the ball with a country dance.’ I didn’t look up; I couldn’t bear to think of him exchanging glances with Lucinda. ‘Please do join us, it’s easy enough to follow.’
I lasted one minute at the edge of the room. Long enough to see Fi and Richard take their places, laughing; longenough to wave at Keith and Mica as they made their way to the centre of the room; long enough to see Lucinda loop her train over her arm and settle into Jamie’s arms. They began to dance together, both of them smiling, each step seamless. Jamie looked like an entirely different person to the tortured man who had stood in my cottage. It appeared that they had perfect chemistry. And I had brought them together. Yay me.
I looked around the room, full of smiling people dancing, drinking and having conversations. It was perfectly easy to slip away.
Outside, it was a cool but still evening, the sky darkening to a deep sapphire blue. Lines of cars were parked neatly on the grass beyond the carriage drive. I took some deep breaths, and tried to ground myself. I was alone. And it was fine, totally fine. I had no obligations to anyone; I also couldn’t hurt or disappoint them. This is what I told myself as I stood there, drawing in deep breath after deep breath.
I don’t know how long I stood there, breathing in the cool evening air. But it was crunching on the gravel that alerted me. I turned to see Jamie, with Hugo on a lead.
‘I thought you were dancing,’ I said.
‘I was, but then I went up to see him. He gets stressed on his own. Did I tell you Lucinda tried to put a bow tie on him?’ Hugo studiously followed a scent trail on the gravel.
I shook my head, unable to find words for once.
‘Don’t you want to dance?’ he said.
I shook my head again. ‘Don’t really want to be here at all, to be honest.’
‘In that case, couldn’t you have turned up in a sack or something, rather than looking so fucking amazing?’
My eyes locked onto his. There was a hardness to his gaze that in the past I would have seen as coldness. But now I knew. He was struggling to hold his emotions in.
‘I could say the same to you.’ My hands had turned to fists and were gripping my dress, so intensely was I trying not to reach out and touch him. When I caught sight of his own hands, doing the same, my gaze met his with a force that should have been too much for two people to bear.
He swore under his breath. ‘I need to tell you something.’ He came a step closer. ‘But, Anna,’ the way his voice caught on my name almost undid me, ‘just say one word, and—’
‘Jamie!’
We both looked back. It was Lucinda, holding up her tartan gown in handfuls as she negotiated the gravel. ‘They’re playing a waltz – the one we practised. Comeon!’ There was a definite edge to her voice.
I heard a small sigh escape him.
‘You’d better go,’ I said. ‘Do you want me to take him?’
He handed me the lead. ‘I’ll be five minutes.’
While Jamie and Lucinda waltzed away inside, Hugo and I wandered around the carriage drive, the distant music drifting out to us. The little hound seemed happy, his nose glued to the ground, his tail swaying.