Page 164 of Lady for Embers

Ashtine turned away from her, moving among the water. Her ?ngers moved lightly at her sides, and the water danced below them. Siphoning off extra power, Talwyn realized. She was already feeling the effects of the small life growing inside of her.

“I came to help you,” she said, and gods, did it sound pathetic coming from her mouth. Offering to help her when she was the reason Ashtine was doing this herself.

“You cannot help me,” Ashtine lilted, not bothering to look at her.

“I can,” Talwyn insisted. “I can... bring you clothing, food. I can come check in as often as I can. What do you need, Ashtine?”

This time, Ashtine did turn back to her, and Talwyn wished she hadn’t. Her face was blank and eerie in the night, her sky-blueeyes narrowed on her. “What I need, Talwyn, you cannot give me. Please leave.”

“Are you eating enough? Have you been sick?” Talwyn asked instead, taking a few more steps towards her.

“Go home, Talwyn,” Ashtine replied, turning away from her once more.

“Please, Ashtine. Let me do something to help,” Talwyn all but begged.

Ashtine whirled back around, her gown swirling around her legs. “It is not required of me to give you some task to help assuage your guilt.”

Then one hand was on her stomach while her other covered her mouth, before she dropped to her knees and vomited into the water. Abrax moved closer, lowering his head and nuzzling at her shoulder, and Talwyn took the opportunity to move closer too.

She lowered to her knees in the waves, her pants soaking through instantly as she gathered Ashtine’s long hair in a hand. Ashtine wiped at her mouth, two tears slowly rolling down her face.

“I am not here to assuage any guilt. I deserve to feel it for the rest of my days. I am not here to ask for forgiveness. I do not deserve such a thing. I am here to take care of you because Briar is not here. And while that is my fault, I would like to think I would be here either way, Ashtine,” Talwyn said, pulling a leather strip from her pocket and tying it around Ashtine’s hair to keep it back.

Ashtine leaned her head against Talwyn’s shoulder, both of her palms resting on her stomach. “I would like to think that too,” she said hoarsely.

The two knelt in the water for a long stretch of time, the only sound the gentle roll of the waves.

“There are two,” Ashtine said quietly into the night.

“Two what?” Talwyn asked.

“Two babes.”

Talwyn twisted to see her face. “You are carrying twins?”

Ashtine nodded, moving to stand. Talwyn quickly got to her feet to help her up.

“I have to ask, Ashtine,” she said when they were both standing. “Does Briar have any idea?”

“No, and it must stay that way. If he knew, he would do whatever possible to return to my side.”

“But he would come here. Be with you. Be here for you. You know he would do everything in his power to keep you safe,” Talwyn argued.

“I do know this. As much as I desire his presence and comfort, he needs to be there right now. He needs to aid in this war,” ­Ashtine answered, and Talwyn could hear the pain in her voice.

“You are more important to him than this war.”

“I know this, Talwyn. I also know that these babes deserve to grow up in a world free of war and strife, but will likely be born into one full of those things all the same,” she replied. “But I will dowhat I can and sacri?ce what I must to give them every chance at something different.”

Something twisted in Talwyn’s chest at her words. “You cannot do this on your own, Ashtine. One babe is hard enough, but two?”

“This conversation means nothing. We cannot reach them,” Ashtine said.

“But Abrax could.”

“Abrax does not leave me unprotected, and I would not ask him to.”

“If I ?nd a way to reach him, do you want him to know?” Talwyn asked. When Ashtine did not immediately reply, she added tentatively, “He deserves to know, Ashtine. If something happens before you can tell him... He deserves to know.”

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