Page 59 of Lady of Ashes

“Why? Those words are to be said when I want out or do not feel safe,” she replied.

“How are you so calm about this?” Callan asked, running his hands through his hair.

“I am terri?ed, Callan,” Tava answered. “You do not get brought into Scarlett’s world of darkness without learning how to face monsters, but I am still not her. I am not as fearless as she is, even if I have learned how to keep my fear from showing.”

“Perhaps if she were less fearless, things would be different. Perhaps if she fearedanything,things would be different.”

“She has fears.”

“Do not defend her to me. Not when this is all because of her. Not when she is one of the monsters you speak of. She is what they want.”

“I am not trying to defend her, Callan,” Tava replied. “I am merely saying that, while she may be one of the monsters, she does not hide what she is. Not like they do.”

“She wore so many masks. How could I possibly know what was real and what wasn’t?” Callan retorted.

“She wears masks, yes, but knowing her, I can only assume she also gave you glimpses beyond them a time or two,” Tava said gently.

Callan snorted bitterly. “I guess,” he said, feeling Tava come up beside him. “She told me, over and over, I was not made for her darkness. That I was made to be in the light.” Tava didn’t say anything, letting him gather his thoughts. “If I had listened, perhaps we would not be in this mess.”

“I think you and Scarlett meeting was necessary, even if it was brutal,” Tava said softly. “We will need her.”

“I do not needher,” Callan snapped. Tava took a step back from him, her hand coming to her spirit amulet, her ?ngers twisting in the chain. “I am sorry,” he said, turning to face the woman risking everything for … what? He didn’t even know any more.

“No need to apologize.”

“I certainly do need to apologize,” he sighed. “I am taking things out on you that are not your fault.”

“You are hurting, Callan,” she said, her arms crossing and hands gripping her upper arms as she stepped towards the window. “Grief makes us say and do uncharacteristic things.”

“I am not grieving anything,” he said, trying to keep the bite from his tone.

Tava gave him a quick glance with a sad smile, but she didn’t try to change his mind. Instead, she said, “My father is worried.”

“That … is not how I gathered he was feeling,” Callan replied, stepping to her side, his hands sliding into his pockets.

“No,” she conceded, her head tilting to the side a little, golden hair slipping over her shoulder. “If you do not know what to look for, you would not know he is concerned.”

“Concerned because of what my father is demanding?” Callan asked curiously.

Her lips pursed before she said, “I think it is more so concern for how their plans are being altered and affected. Not so much concern for me or our apparent engagement.”

“Tava,” Callan said, reaching for her elbow and gently turning her to face him. “If you do not want to do this, if you want an out, I understand. Finn and Sloan can get you out of here discreetly. I can try to talk to my father again …”

Another soft, sad smile lifted on her lips, making him trail off.

“While I was not anticipating this turn of events, our plan is working, Callan,” she said. “My father and Mikale are nervous.”

Nervous? Furious maybe, but he wasn’t sure he’d say they were nervous. If anything, he felt as though they’d given them more of a reason to come after them. The way Veda had glared at Tava …

“I do not know that nervous is the right way to describe how they are feeling, Tava,” he ventured.

“Their tempers may have been on display this evening, but they are shaken, Callan,” she answered, turning back to the window,stretching a hand out over the sill into the night and letting ?akes gather in her palm. They instantly melted against her warm skin.

“Can you explain why you think that?”

“My entire life I have been pushed to the outer edges of my father’s world,” she said with a slight shrug. “You see a lot of things when you are on the fringes of society. You watch people. You learn to read people, especially those you are closest to. When you are seen as quiet and meek, people tend to assume you are nothing to worry about.” She shrugged again, as if everything she had just said was not a big deal.

But she’d just con?rmed his earlier suspicions. The things she knew were more than just things that could ruin a person socially. She knew the small tells that betray when someone was lying. When someone was anxious. She knew their ticks, the little mannerisms, the slight facial expressions.

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