Page 25 of Age of Shade

For fuck’s sake, my right arm aches now because I’ve been jerking off to the memories of it with all the frequency and enthusiasm of a pre-teen boy who just discovered porn.

It’s hard to remember what branch of convoluted logic I employed to convince myself that one night with Adina was enough. Whatever it was, it’s clear I was testing the limits of my own self-control and resolve, and it all came crumbling down the moment I woke up and saw how close I came to sleeping through those last minutes with her. The terror and regret that filled me in that moment confirmed what I’d instinctively known from the very first time I saw her across the lounge:I need more.

Not just more of her body—though that was certainly enough to alter my brain’s chemistry until the end of time—but more ofher. I want her bright smiles, her laugh, her warmth and kindness. I want to make her laugh, to feed her things she’s never tried and see her eyes light up when she tastes something she loves. And, most terrifying of all, I want totake care of her.

Instincts and desires I didn’t think I was capable of are roaring to life, shining a stark, unflattering light over my previous relationship by comparison.

Watching as I open the instrument pack, Liam hums thoughtfully. “You never told me what happened with Ruby’s friend. Adele?”

“Adina,” I correct him, a little too fast.

Liam’s eyes gleam. “Adina. I apologize. It’s an unusual name. Almost as unusual as you enjoying yourself, which you certainly seemed to be doing on Friday.”

I swallow the tightness in my throat. “Open.” He obeys, and I buy myself a few minutes by running through a basic exam, pretending to be engrossed in the state of my oldest friend’s teeth instead of scrambling for what I should or shouldn’t tell him. When I can’t put it off any longer, I clear my throat, setting the used instruments back on the tray table. “I liked her.”

“Interesting.”

That’s all I get.Interesting.

“We didn’t have”—I drop my voice on the off chance a child happens to be walking past the room—“sex.”

I sound like an eighth-grade boy, and can’t really blame Liam for laughing at me. Swinging his legs over the side of the chair, he sits up without waiting for me to lift the back. “I’d have been jealous if you did. She was certainly… attractive. Not my usual type, but a change would do me good. Perhaps I’ll have Ruby arrange a night with just the three of us. I’d love to get to know her better.” Despite the relatively tame words, his tone all but drips with suggestion.

Evidently, knowing I’m being bated does nothing to prevent me from biting. Gritting my teeth, I rip my gloves off and get to my feet. “You have some gum recession. Go see your dentist if you don’t want to be eating your dinner through a straw in twenty years.”

Liam doesn’t seem the least bit bothered about his dental troubles. His smile widens. “I won’t go out with her if you ask me not to. I’m an excellent friend like that.”

“You’re a hedonistic chimpanzee with a bottomless bank account.” I turn to go, but a sick feeling of dread writhes inside me. I pause, holding the door frame, and glance over my shoulder at Liam. He’s still watching me from his place on thechair, smugger than ever. As little as I want to give him the satisfaction, I want to worry about him fucking Adina even less. Which means it’s time to swallow my pride.

“Was there something else?” His eyes shine with the anticipation of victory.

I hate him so much.

Making a mental note to find out how adult men make new friends, I blow out a furious breath. “Please don’t go out with her.”

Liam hums. “I never took you for the jealous type.”

“You—”

He sighs dramatically, as if I’m being a pain in the ass and gaining a brand-new source of leverage over me won’t be the highlight of his whole month. “She wouldn’t have agreed, anyway.”

I was in the process of mentally composing a more elegant insult when I falter, staring at him. “What does that mean?”

Without another word, Liam reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone. He pulls something up on the screen and holds it out for me to take, eyes sparkling. “Itmeansthat I don’t think she’s in it for the money.”

Swallowing, I stare down at what appears to be a transaction on a payment-processing app.

Payment to Adina Collier (January 20): $3,000.00

Payment from Adina Collier (January 21): $3,000.000

She returned the money?

I exhale heavily, head spinning as I hand the phone back.

“I must say,” Liam drawls as he stands, brushing non-existent creases from the sleeves of his shirt. “I’ve never had awoman refuse to take money from me before. Are you going to see her again?”

Mutely, I nod, watching him cross to the corner to retrieve his coat from the cartoon whale-shaped hook.

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