Page 17 of Age of Shade

CHAPTER SEVEN

ADINA

There’s a blister on my heel, my heart is aching worse than the ankle I rolled trying to avoid vomit on the sidewalk, and the fairy tale is well and truly over.

Cinderella had her fun at the ball, and now it’s time to turn back into a homeless college student with two jobs.

I bet this is exactly how she would have felt, though—hollowed out and disappointed, wondering if her whole magical night was some kind of fever dream. Going back to scrubbing toilets and dreaming about what your life will be like is a lot harder once you’ve gotten a glimpse behind the curtain.

Not that I expect my life to be anything like tonight once I graduate. Nobody becomes a social worker thinking they’ll be able to afford staying in places like The Witt or ordering dishes from six different restaurants just for the fun of trying them. Besides, I’m not feeling this way because I have to say goodbye to the expensive dress, heels, fancy food, and glamorous hotel.

I didn’t want to say goodbye to Asher, and I haven’t quite worked out why I didn’t stay.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. Ireallywanted to. Every single hormone-ridden cell in my body was screaming at me to pull my dress up, bend over the table, and let Asher Roth do whatever he wanted to me. In the elevator, when I felt his erection pressingagainst my stomach, it was like I fell under a spell. I needed him. As though rubbing myself all over the man was as essential as keeping my heart beating.

Realizing I made him hard was hands down the hottest moment of my life, which was quickly eclipsed by a new hottest moment of my life when he let me grind myself all over it. I’ve never felt like that,ever, and the lingering dampness of my panties is a cruel reminder of how good it felt to have his hands on me.

Even now, hours later, I still feel so… unsettled.

My virginity isn’t something I’m attached to, but I always imagined having sex as one of those abstract, far-off things. I was getting around to the whole thing, but it wasn’t a rush. I’m not completely innocent; I’ve read my fair share of spicy books and watched porn a few times. I’ve fallen asleep on the couch in Asher’s office and dreamed that my tall, handsome boss came in and woke me up with his head between my legs… Yet when I had my chance to have that for real, I went running for the hills.

I pause at the top of the stairs leading down into the subway station, my hand curling tightly over the metal railing.

After the childhood I had, being cautious is practically an involuntary response now. The only times I’ve ever been brave were when I absolutely had to. Keeping my head down, working hard, and staying on the right path is safe. Going back to Doctor Roth’s office and not having sex with him is safe. He didn’t want anything serious, that much was obvious, and my heart isn’t exactlyuninvested.

Feet heavy, I start the descent into the subway station. Each step down the grungy stairwell seems to get a little harder.

Would it be so wrong for me to just… go for it?

He wanted me, at least for tonight. Doctor Asher Roth will never fall in love with me, not when he finds out the truth—orsomeof the truth—of where I came from. The man quite literallysaw me cuddled up in the trash with no hair and a bloody face. He pays me to scrub the toilets in his practice and writes notes making sure I can afford my books for school. Allison is a victim in his eyes, and after tonight, Adina is a play thing.

I’m running on autopilot as I reach the platform. A few dozen people are waiting, bundled up in winter gear. No one looks my way as I lean against the grimy tile wall, flashes of tonight playing in my mind.

Seeing Asher across The Witt’s lounge for the first time, and feeling something warm and dangerous rising inside me.

Curling into his side as we waited for Italian food, so wrapped up in each other we didn’t notice that the hostess had called his name three times.

The heat of his body as he pressed mine into the wall of the elevator.

Sucking in an unsteady breath, I stare blankly at the station wall across from me. Fresh wetness is spreading over my panties as yet another slideshow of what-ifs plays in my mind’s eye. I left because I was afraid, because I thought I would regret sleeping with him. How could it have not occurred to me that I might regretnotsleeping with him?

Am I going to be like this forever? Hiding away from what I really want because I’m afraid it will bite me in the ass? Holding myself apart from people because I’m too scared to get close?

The thought makes something defiant rise inside me.No.No, I don’t want that. I don’t want to sacrifice any more of my life to the people who hurt me. Three years ago, I did the ultimate hard, brave thing… I ran. I ran and I never went back. Even when it seemed impossible, even when I thought dying would be better than living and that I would never matter to anyone,I didn’t go back.

This might have been my only chance to be with a man I have feelings for. I haven’t even been gone for thirty minutes and Ialready regret not being brave. Tonight doesn’t have to be over, though. It’s not too late. If I can step away from the safety and familiarity of what I should be doing right now, maybe I’ll have one less regret.

Maybe the prince won’t notice Cinderella is a maid if she takes all her clothes off?

My train pulls in and I stand stock still, watching passengers get off. Others get on, and I don’t move, excitement humming in my veins.

As the doors close, I’ve already turned back toward the entrance of the station, following the small crowd of people making their way up onto the street.

Hell. Yes.I’m doing this. I’m seriously doing this.Holy crap.

The walk back to The Witt seems to take a lot less time than the walk to the subway station. I don’t notice the pain in my ankle or the blister on my heel, too busy trying to work out if I’m excited or terrified.

It never occurred to me that my first time would be anything like this. Did I imagine myself spread out over Doctor Roth’s desk while he fucks me in his sparkly lab coat? Yes. Many times. I clearly have issues.

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