Page 90 of Follow Your Bliss

“Lily, you know that’s not what I’m after. I just want my girls to be happy and fulfilled.”

I waved my hand on my way into the hallway toward the community center. “Y’all have a good night!” And I went straight to our makeshift shower, washing away the heat of the day and the emotions in my chest. They shouldn’t have said those things in front of me. But also, does Rose really date someone until things get serious, then dump them?

That wasn’t what happened with Isaac, but maybe I’m lucky she didn’t bolt the second I said, “I love you.” She still hadn’t said it back.

How would I move on if she broke up with me? I couldn’t bring myself to evict her. I’d have to watch other men go in and out of that apartment until she moved out on her own.

I put my head under the cool water, but it couldn’t untangle the knots in my chest.

Chapter 15

The Cards Don’t Lie

Rose

I hung up the Last. Bridesmaid. Dress and stretched my back. They each hung in garment bags labeled with the women’s names. Alldone.

And the evening all to myself. I hadn’t seen much of Jason since after Mom and Lily left. He’d gone to bed early, completely beat from all the hard work he’d done on the storm damage, and he was up earlier than me to pull out the damaged floors and drywall in what had been my apartment bedroom. After another shower and a quick kiss, he went out with Antoine and a couple of other friends.

Unless I pounced on him tonight, we would have gone our first whole day without sex, and his distance was a pit in my stomach.

It was only seven o’clock. I didn’t want to do anything but mope, but our laundry had piled up with everything we had going on, and I guess I had time to watch some guilty pleasure TV.

Lord knows I needed something to distract me. Our first day without devouring each other. When he was in the house with me, however briefly, I kept trying to engage in our regular conversations, but he’d been so surface-level. How was I doing on the dresses? He’d like to get the yard work done before it rains. Would I mind if he went out tonight with friends?

I forcefully sorted our underwear from our colors. He’d been weird ever since I’d confronted him about his mom. But I didn’t regret it. I didn’t have my mom’s expertise, but it was clear to me that he needed to be honest with her. If he was in love with me like he said he was, shouldn’t he be willing to have an uncomfortable conversation with her about us?

His words haunted me.After how I left, I feel like I have to atone forever.After how he left.

A man who could lie to his mother could lie to me. A man who could leave his mother, could leave me.

I wiped a hot tear from my cheek. The back pocket of Jason’s khakis crinkled. I pulled out a well-worn sheet of paper and tossed it on top of the washer to give him later, whatever it was.

Wait—my name was on that paper, written on the outside in Jason’s all-caps architect’s print. I shoved his pants in the washer and picked up the paper, carefully unfolding it. It was a copy of my middle school bucket list, with a code Jason had added at the top in blue pen: checkmark = done.

So that’s what the waterfall and Christmas shop had been about. He’d been trying to help me finish my list.

Beneath the copy of my bucket list, Jason had started his own bucket list—get a tattoo? Damn, that would be hot. But that was all scratched out, and next to it was a list titled “What I want in a life partner.”

The paper trembling in my hands, I left the clothes and went into the church. Sat at the table. Stared at the paper. How long had he been trying to help me finish my list? I couldn’t even figure it out. Because my eyes were stuck on the wordhoneymoonand my name underlined at the culmination of his “what I want in a life partner” list. On our names written together with his last name like he was a lovestruck teen. Exactly what I used to write in my middle school diary. He even added a version if I wanted to hyphenate. What man did that sort of thing?

He told me he loved me. I didn’t know he was this serious.

To have a honeymoon, you’d have to be married. Jason would never marry someone he couldn’t tell his mom about.

Heather’s “Fergalicious” started playing on my phone, followed by the doorbell ringing.

The list still in my hand, I went straight to open the door and threw myself into Heather and Abby’s arms.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Abby asked while Heathernoooo’ed. “Why are you crying?”

“How did y’all know I needed you?” I sobbed, pulling them into the church.

They hugged me back while shutting the door behind us.

“Do I have to kick Deck Daddy’s ass?” Heather asked. “Because I’m way tougher than I look.”

Abby ushered me to the sofa and held andshhedme as I cried myself out while Heather rubbed my back and murmured soothing words like “it’s okay” and “I will cut a bitch for you.”

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