Page 102 of Up All Night

I’d proven during our date that I wasn’t capable of picking her over work. I was an awful, selfish person. Yet, knowing that wasn’t enough to get me to change because here I was, working some more. Because that’s what I did. That’s all I knew how to do. I put one hundred percent of myself into this job, and I didn’t know how to do less or to somehow also give one hundred percent of myself to another person. The math didn’t add up.

“It doesn’t work like that, Cannon. You know that.”

“And why not?” I could hear in his voice how much he thought I was an idiot. “Because you feel like you have to chain yourself to this office, to this job that I’m not even sure you enjoy anymore?”

That grabbed my attention. I glared at him. “What? Of course I enjoy working here. I’ve done nothing but work hard to prove this company means everything to me. You of all people should know that.”

He crossed his arms, looking at me like he was dealing with a child, which only made my frustration rise. “I never said you haven’t worked your ass off. No one in this whole office would ever say you don’t put in the work. But what I am saying is that I don’t know how much you actually like working here. At some point, you went from loving what you do to only thinking about proving to your dad that you’re good enough to be CEO one day. Those are two very different motivators.”

I shook my head at him. “You don’t understand what it’s like to have a Dad breathing down your neck, always pointing out your flaws, telling you where you need to improve, how nothing I ever do is enough. It’s not enough that I come into work early, leave late, work through the weekends, and have absolutely no social life.”

Cannon’s face hardened. “You know what? You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like to have a dad who cares about my life.”

Crap.

I didn’t mean to point out that Cannon’s dad wasn’t a part of his life and hadn’t been for years. And even when his dad had been around, it would have been better if he hadn’t been. I’d really put my foot in my mouth.

I went to apologize, but he was already speaking again.

“I know your dad can be hard sometimes, but he loves you.” His voice was brisk. “If you would justtalkto him and tell him how you feel, all this crap could be avoided. You don’t think he wants you to be happy?” He held out his arm, pointing it in the direction of my dad’s office. “You don’t think that if he knew you were crazy about some woman, he wouldn’t be excited for you? He’s been wanting you to settle down forever.” Cannon’s annoyance with me had me shrinking back in my seat. “And if you think your dad would give this company to anyone but you, you’re delusional. He knows you can run this company. Does he ask a lot from you? Yes. But that’s because he trusts you.”

Silence fell between us, and I felt even more like an idiot.

He shook his head like he was disgusted with me. “Wake up, West. You have a family that loves and cares about you. You have a job and a financial legacy that people dream about. And you’re in love with a woman who I’m pretty sure is as crazy about you as you are about her. So stop moping around. Talk to your dad. Talk to Halle. If you don’t, you only have yourself to blame.” And with that he walked away.

I sat there staring at the spot Cannon had stood for the last several minutes, his words swirling in my mind. The more his words set in, the more I realized how foolish I’d been.

Cannon was right. I had the world in my hands and what was I doing with it? I was wallowing in my own pity like a spoiled brat. I’d let frustration and bitterness build between my father and me instead of talking to him. I’d lost all sense of what made me truly happy. And I’d pushed away the one woman I could see myself being with forever.

I stood, pushing back my chair to head to my dad’s office. I needed to talk to him now before I lost the nerve. My dad did love me, even if sometimes his business-fueled brain seemed to mask it. He would want me to be happy, and I needed to tell him I wasn’t. That I was working myself to the bone and I didn’t want to work like that anymore. I wanted a life outside of work. A life with Halle, if she’d still have me.

And if my dad wasn’t okay with me working less and putting Halle above Vanderhall Capital, then I’d have to find a new job. It wouldn’t be easy to walk away from all this, but if I wasn’t enjoying my life, and getting to be with the woman I wanted, then what was the point? It was apparent from my miserable week that this job alone wasn’t what made me happy. Halle was who made me want to jump out of bed in the morning, who had given me true purpose the past few months. I was a great venture capitalist, but I wanted more than that. I wanted to be a great companion to a girl I was quickly realizing I was falling in love with.

Looking through the glass door, I could see my dad talking on the phone. I slowly pushed the door open and made my way to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

He gave me an inquisitive look, obviously confused about why I was here interrupting his call. He held up a finger, signaling to give him a minute.

I waited, fidgeting in my seat. I ran through some of the things I wanted to tell him and hoped I could do it and not chicken out. My dad may love me, but that didn’t mean he was the easiest person to talk to.

After a few minutes he ended the call, setting down the phone. “Son, this is a surprise. Our meeting isn’t for two more hours.” He glanced at his watch. “I have another meeting in two minutes, so talk fast.”

I swallowed. Two minutes to tell my dad how I was feeling.

“Dad,” I said, my voice cracking on the one word. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Dad, I need to tell you something.”

He leaned back in his chair. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

He obviously thought it was work related and not that I was trying to have a heart to heart with him.

I sat up straighter. “I’m not happy.”

His brows scrunched together. “What?”

Okay, so that wasn’t the most eloquent way to start, but this was new for me. Talking about my feelings with my dad wasn’t something we’d really ever done before.

I tried again. “I’m exhausted. I work around the clock, hoping to someday prove to you I can one day take over this company when you decide to retire. But nothing I do seems to be enough for you or prove that I am capable of being you someday. I’ve tried to show through my work ethic and dedication that I love this company as much as you do, but at what cost? All I do is work and work some more. I have no life outside of this office building. You want me to find someone I can share my life with, but when am I supposed to have time to find that someone? And then miraculously I did find someone, or at least I want to see if she could be that person, but I screwed it all up because I chose work over her.”

I ran a hand over my face, my exhaustion and stupidity wearing on me. “I messed it all up with her, Dad. I finally asked her out on a date and then what did I do the whole time? I took work calls, sent emails, and responded to texts. And then on top of that, I offered to invest in her business. I ended up offending her instead of supporting her. It was a disaster.

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