Page 57 of Your Pucking Mom

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“The guys brought a pizza before they went out if you want a slice.” Austin was draped across his bed, and the smell made me realize I hadn’t eaten in a while.

“Thanks, baby.” I grabbed a slice and a paper plate before plopping down on the bed next to him. “What’re you watching?”

“A basketball game.” Austin turned toward me, and his blond curls were extra floppy. “Do you want to change it?”

I sighed, shaking my head. “No. It’s whatever you want.”

Austin put his pizza on the small side table before looking at me. “Mom. You look exhausted.”

I wanted to yell and ask what it was about me that made everyone tell me that, but instead, I took a deep breath in. “I am.”

He reached over and grabbed my hand. “You should go to bed, Mom.”

I shook my head and lifted my pizza. “Hungry.”

He gave me a cheeky grin. “Okay, but after the pizza, you should go to bed.”

I couldn’t. I had to wait for him to be in bed so I could sneak out, or truthfully, maybe I’d pass out here. “It’s okay. I like the”—I looked up at the screen—“baseball game.”

Austin laughed hysterically. “Mom. It’s basketball.”

“Tomayto, tomatoh.”

“It’s literally not. They’re two very different sports.” I took another slice, not wanting to push the subject and pretended to be very engrossed in the game.

“Mom. Please. I want to show you that I learned my lesson. Please go to bed.”

There was something so genuine in his tone. There were traces of his biological father in him—he didn’t know it, but I did. When I saw his nose and those strong facial features, I saw his father. The memory of that night would briefly flash in my mind, and it was hard to shake off.

Austin was so different from his father. His tenacity and strength to grow from growing up with a mom who worked all the fucking time was so incredibly inspirational. “Are you sure?”

I wanted him to show me he was trustworthy. “I swear. I have pizza here. I shared my location with you so you’ll know I’m hitting the hay. Cole offered to get on the ice early.”

I smiled, thinking of Ledger helping Austin. It was sweet, but Austin could never know what happened between us. Ledger was his mentor, and it needed to stay that way.

“Okay, baby. I think I’ll take you up on your offer and head upstairs, then.”

I quickly kissed Austin on his cheek before returning to my room. I took one glance at my beautiful son, and sadness overwhelmed me. We never should have been put through the life we had. I should have been better for him. I carried such a weight of responsibility on my shoulders, and it was hard to shake it off.

There was only one moment where that weight had been lifted, and it was in the arms of the man I could never be with—Ledger Cole.

29

ledger

“I fucccckkking lllove her,” I confessed. Alex and I were at the dingiest dive bar I’d ever stepped foot in. I was from a small town, so I knew what dive bars were, but this one was off the highway on the outskirts of Denver. The inside was decked out in wood paneling, the leather barstools were ripped in many places, and the smell of piss and beer was pungent.

The guys ordered pizzas from next door because none of us had the right sense to order from here, and the owner let us bring them in. By the time I’d admitted my deepest, darkest secrets to Alex, I was far too many beers deep.

“I cannot fucking believe Cap is actually out on the town the day before a game,” Dirks shouted from the other side of the bar. I lifted my beer in a silent salute before bringing it back to my lips and downing another gulp.

“Did you hear what I fucking had to say?” I grumbled way too loudly to Alex.

“Shut up. You’re about to expose yourself to the whole team.” Alex grabbed my shirt, but I shook him off and took another long pull of my cold beer.

“I’m so glad I came out tonight.” I jumped off the stool, and everything felt like it leaned a little to the left.

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