Page 84 of Your Pucking Mom

“Right. You told me you were going to Stassi, your new best friend’s, house.”

“Psh.” She was mocking me. “You know no one can ever replace you.”

“Right, right. Spill it.”

“So I’m here and sitting in the bathroom and have the sink running so no one can hear me but long story short, Ledger is here.”

“I fucking saw that one coming. If there was a bet, I would’ve one hundred percent won it.” She laughed. “What’s the problem, then?”

I sighed. “You know the problem. I was trying to avoid him this week, and now he’s here.”

“And your coochie’s tingling?” God, I loved my best friend, even in her bluntness.

“I mean…kinda?”

It absolutely was.

“So why are you calling me and not snogging with your hunk of a man?” she balked, and I could hear her walking around her apartment.

“Since when do you say snogging?” I asked.

“Eh, I’ve been bingeing theGreat British BakingShowlately. It’s getting me in the spirit.” I laughed, then shoved my hand over my mouth, realizing I was still in the bathroom and needed to hurry this up.

“No, but seriously,” Emma continued. “I know you well enough to know your brain will continue to fight this, how wrong this is. Your entire life your mom has always told you that you were not worthy of love. What happened to you in high school broke you, but you are so strong, Auburn. You’ve done your healing.”

“Then why can’t I just do it?” I whispered, my voice breaking.

She let out a breath. “I don’t know the answer to that. I think Austin is holding you back in this case, but you’re a grown-up, and he’s such a good kid, but he’s also an adult. He will understand when you’re ready to share.”

“I can’t keep it a secret from him. If I were to do this, I’d need to tell Austin, because I can’t risk the team and my son’s career.”

There was a long pause. “Isn’t it a bye week this week too? So none of this needs to be figured out right now.”

“Yeah…” She was right.

“Plus,” Emma added, “if this is Ledger’s last year as a player, then, in theory, you only need to keep it a secret through the end of the season.”

“I guess that’s true.” I rested my head against the cool countertops as I listened to the water fall into the sink.

“Do what makes you feel wild and free,” Emma said softly.

“Thanks, Em.” There was a small knock on the door.

“Auburn?” Fuck. It was Ledger. Obviously. He was always the perfect guy, always caring. It was me who was the problem.

“Hold on!” I shouted. I quickly said goodbye, then shut off the water.

Of course he was standing outside the door waiting for me. The constant need to walk on eggshells had worn me out. Holding back my emotions and keeping secrets so closely guarded had become exhausting. Emma was right—I needed to want change for myself, not for anyone else. At least for this week; we would figure out the rest.

My mother did not dictate what kind of a person I was. I kept holding on to the statements she’d tell me, insisting that they were true, but they weren’t. I was not the person she thought I was. I was not the personIthought I was.

I was a survivor. And yes, I had quite a few scars to show, but I was also proud of them. I was here…with Ledger, and whatever it was between us, even if we were exploring our friendship with benefits, then I wanted to be here.

I hesitated for a moment, my hand hovering over the knob of the door. I wanted this. No, I needed this.

As if some invisible force gripped me, my hand turned the door handle, and a messy Ledger stood outside. His eyes scanned me quickly to see if I was hurt. “Are you?—?”

Before he could finish, I grabbed his shirt, pulling him close and capturing his lips with mine. Our mouths collided in a fiery embrace, and at that moment, I was consumed by the sensation of it all. Every time his lips touched mine, I fell deeper into the abyss of pleasure.

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