Page 77 of Your Pucking Mom

I closed my eyes, combating the tears. They were going to fall. I knew it.

“This is what happens when you have a kid so young. You were never around enough for him. I was the one raising him.”

I whipped my head in her direction. “Stop it.” I held up a hand.

“No. I’m serious. Stop fucking talking.” I sighed, making sure she had no opportunity to interject with whatever narcissistic comment was coming next. “I did the best I could. I am so grateful for your help raising him.”

“My help?” My mother was shouting. Behind us, a few of the wives’ heads turned slowly in our direction.

“Please stop screaming.”

“You didn’t need my help when you were running off to parties as a teenager.”

I closed my eyes, knowing the tears were so close to falling. “It was one party.” My voice shook at the end of the sentence.

“Now look at you. Working at a coffee shop. I go to the country club with the wives and they all brag about their children. I have to pretend you don’t exist.”

There it was. A tear fell from my eyes. I quickly looked at the game and realized the other team had scored, which was why the arena was being lit up in cheers and excitement, but all I could think about was how I wished the world would cleave open so I could fall into it.

My mother made me feel worthless, like I was nothing to her. Yet, I stayed rooted in my seat, enduring her constant insults. I couldn’t move—I was so buried in this darkness that I actually started to believe everything she said.

“Their daughters and sons are all happily married. You will never get married because you already have a child. No one will want someone who is damaged goods. People don’t shop at an outlet; they want retail.”

“Mom.” The clock was ticking down, and there were few minutes left of the period until there was a long break. I needed to find the strength to get out of here.

My mother kept throwing insults at me, but all I could focus on was how Ledger had given me glass seats. I never went down there. Ledger was distracted, his eyes constantly drifting toward the area where the glass seats were. As much as I wanted him to know I hadn’t just run away, I was suffocating. I couldn’t keep listening to these insults, especially as my mother was drawing attention from the other wives and family members in the suite.

“You will find no one,” my mom said once again.

She was right. The one person I thought I could be with was out there skating on the ice below me with my son. I closed my eyes, the sadness hitting me hard. I could never be with him. The scars I had buried deep inside were too much for anyone to love me through. I carried too much baggage. It was easier to walk away while we could still promise to remain just friends, rather than get too involved. My heart was already heading down a path of no return.

Nova stood at the door, and when her eyes locked with my tearful ones, I needed to leave. She was getting distracted by some of the other wives asking her questions, and I couldn’t sit here and listen to my mom’s insults anymore.

I couldn’t sit here any longer. My mother was right—I would always be unlovable. I was broken, and no one would ever want to put my pieces back together, so why try? Especially when it could ruin my son’s first job. My phone buzzed with a message from Ledger.

Is everything okay? I don’t see you. Coach is about to yell at us. Are you okay?

He must’ve put his number in my phone this morning before he left, because I didn’t remember exchanging them. I read it again to make sure I was reading it right. Between my mother raining insults upon me and Ledger’s concern, my emotions were spiraling.

There was no room to pace and the anxiety was creeping deep into my chest. I needed to get out of here. I was being suffocated by my own thoughts.

You will find no one.

You are nothing.

You are a terrible mother.

You’re an embarrassment.

Nova was getting closer, and if she tried to pull me aside to talk, I would break down. I needed to get out before my panic took over, swallowing me whole.

“I need to go,” I managed to say without sobbing. My mother was right. She was always right, and I was no one. I didn’t deserve Ledger, and I certainly couldn’t be the person to break the team apart. I couldn’t…anymore.

I grabbed my empty beer from the cup holder as I got up. My mother’s jaw dropped as she stared at my unexpected demand. “What?”

“I have to go somewhere. I need to leave you. I can meet you after the game if you want, but I have somewhere else I need to be.” The lie rolled off my tongue. I needed to get out of here, and my mother was going out with her friends tonight.

My mom’s eyes narrowed as I made my way back up the aisle, into the suite, and down to where I belonged—far away from the ice.

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