Page 70 of Your Pucking Mom

“Holy shit.” No one had ever done this for me. No one ever wanted to do this. I was always the girl with more baggage than I could carry alone, yet he was extending a hand, offering to hold some of it for me.

I couldn’t help that feeling in the back of my mind that told me this was wrong. I didn’t trust people. They watched from afar, offering nothing but empty sympathy while I fought through the chaos alone. I couldn’t help but wonder why Ledger would want to get involved with someone like me, someone so unworthy of his love and affection.

I chuckled, looking down at the piece of paper I’d brought over from his room. Was that what we would be, each other’s dirty little secrets? That was all we could be. There was no room for anything else.

I poured myself some coffee, then curled up in the fabric chair, looking out at the light filtering into the room. From where I sat, the snow-capped mountains lined the horizon. I grabbed my phone and checked Austin’s location to make sure he’d gotten over to the stadium okay.

When I finally put my phone down and grabbed a croissant from the spread, for the first time in a long time, a weight lifted off my shoulders. Maybe for the first time since I was a kid, I’d actually have time to sneak a nap in.

35

ledger

I was fucking exhausted as I skated onto the ice, but it was worth every fucking second of it. All I could imagine was the sweet, curly-haired blonde lying inmybed inmyhotel room. Fuck, she was utter perfection. A fractured human, but someone I wanted so desperately to help pick up the pieces.

“Hey, Cap!” the child shouted from the other side of the rink. Fuck, I should probably call him by his name, even in my own head; he was Auburn’s son after all.

“Hey, Hart!” I shouted.

“Thanks for meeting me early. I appreciate all the help.” I nodded, giving him a wry smirk. I was a six-time thirty-goal scorer, so of course I had some tips to give to Austin. Raw talent alone wasn’t sufficient for handling the intensity of an NHL team or game.

“When I’m on the right-wing side, hoping for a return but denied, will you show me how you’d challenge it?” Austin asked.

I gave him a smile before running through some plays that would help him anticipate those situations better. As we worked through the strategies, I couldn’t shake the feeling of warmth that spread through me. Maybe this was the start of something new, a chance to pass on what I’d learned to someone who could benefit from it. And maybe, just maybe, it was also a chance for me to let go and know that the team would be fine without me.

* * *

After the rest of the team came in for the morning skate before the game, we grabbed our gear and put them in our respective lockers.

“I wanted to thank you again for helping my mom on the plane.” Austin jogged up beside me as we headed to grab lunch back at the hotel.

I rubbed my beard, feeling guiltier than I should. “For sure. No worries.”

He laughed as he opened the door to one of the black vans waiting to take us back to the hotel. “No, man. I know you’re the same age as her, so I’m sure she appreciates talking to you versus the new guys.”

Fuck. Guilt weighed heavily on me. “For sure. She’s…cool.”

I sounded so fucking pathetic that I quickly ducked around him, diving into the back seat of the other van where Alex was already settling in.

“Don’t,” I warned as I slid into the seat next to him.

He laughed, clutching his stomach, which meant he had heard what Hart said. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” He raised his hands as if that would save him.

“Yeah, you were,” I grumbled, shifting in the seat. The downfall of being so fucking tall was how uncomfortable small spaces were.

“No,” Alex said, realizing we were the only two in the van. “I was going to say you should invite her to a family dinner during our bye week.”

I cocked my head to the side, and he laughed again. “You have that look of being freshly fucked on your face.”

I punched him in the side.

“Ow,” he shouted, laughing.

“We aren’t in that place. We just…agh. Whatever.”

Alex gave me a wry smile. “Like I said, when you’ve figured out you’re in love with her, she’s invited to family dinner.”

“Get the fuck out of here.” I laughed with him. I wasn’t in love with her. I was in this crazy game with fate that so desperately wanted us to get together. She was my friend.

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