Page 125 of Your Pucking Mom

“I love you,” I responded, watching as he closed his whiskey-colored eyes.

Instinctively, I reached for my heart, feeling its steady beat, a reminder of the resilience within. My son was the culmination of a journey marked by both joy and pain. But in the warmth of Ledger’s love, I found a partner to walk beside me, sharing the weight of our pasts and the promise of our future. Better yet, I discovered the courage to confront my scars and the strength to embrace them as part of my journey.

Because my scars would always be a part of my heart. They were mine to wear. But Ledger helped me realize they were not flaws to be hidden away but badges of honor to be worn with pride. They were a reminder I had weathered storms, and although I might not feel like I’d won a battle, I was here.

I wore my scars with pride, as a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we all had a little sunshine that needed to be shown.

I was a survivor, not a victim.

64

ledger

a few months later

“How’re you feeling?” Auburn asked. I was only able to shake my head. Words were not something that I was capable of forming.

Auburn came over to me, and I let her stand between my thighs. Slowly, I rested my head against her stomach and closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. She smelled like home. The memories flooded me. The way she lay in our bed at night, the way she curled herself into a ball as she fit perfectly into the crook of my arm, even the way she walked downstairs in the morning to make me coffee before practice. She smelled like everything I ever wanted, and her being here with me—at this moment—made it that much less…scary.

She caressed my hair as we sat in the quiet locker room, just the two of us.

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, resting her chin on top of my head. I opened my eyes and glanced around the empty locker room. I was sitting on the bench for the last time. The noise and activity had faded; most of the players were already out on the ice for warm-ups. Coach understood the significance of this moment and had given me space to take it all in—this was my last game, or as he put it, the first game of my new career.

I grabbed her waist, refusing to let go.

“Are you ready?” Auburn asked, as I looked up into her bright eyes.

The corner of my lip twisted into a smirk as she looked out at the door, knowing it was a comfort that she always knew where the door was.

It had become something I’d adjusted to, helping her cope through the fear of being trapped, so when we would enter a new room, I would always instruct her exactly where the nearest exit was in case she wanted to leave. The only place she never asked was inside our home.

“Areyouready?” I repeated her question, knowing she was going back up to the stands to meet my parents for the first time.

She shook her head. “I’m nervous, but this moment isn’t about me.” My hand reached up to brush a curl off, and I noticed the lipstick that she wore.

“You look beautiful. They will love you.” She huffed out a small laugh that sounded more like a sweet giggle.

“I don’t know about that, but seriously, Ledger, you have to go.” She motioned toward the doors that led out to the ice.

“Okay,” I whispered before getting up and giving her a kiss on her lips. “My good luck charm.”

“I thought your good luck charm was fucking me before a game?” She laughed, her cheeks blushing.

The corner of my lip twisted into a smirk. “That too.”

As soon as the horn blew, telling us the game was starting, I watched the rest of my team skate out onto the ice. A rush of mixed emotions flooded me as I joined them. The cold air of the rink mingled with the excitement of the game ahead, but underneath it all was a deep sense of finality. The end of one era and the start of another.

With each passing moment, the reality of the situation sank in deeper. The ice had been my home since I was a kid, where victories were celebrated and defeats were overcome. It was time to say goodbye to the familiar routine, the camaraderie of teammates, and the roar of the crowd.

But amid the nostalgia, there was also a spark of excitement—a glimmer of anticipation for the journey ahead. This wasn’t an end; it was a new beginning. The start of a hockey career filled with unknown challenges and opportunities waiting to be seized.

“You ready?” Alex asked as we got into position.

“To be Damien’s coach forever?”

Alex chuckled. I had taken a job working at a youth hockey organization. Although I wasn’t working with Damien exactly, I was working with the Ravens to help coach youth around the city. Coach helped get the job for me, and it was an easy yes allowing the sport to still be in my life without running it.

“The kids are going to run you wild.”

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