Page 116 of Your Pucking Mom

As the elevator descended, a sense of liberation washed over me. The weight of years of emotional baggage slowly lifted from my shoulders. Despite the uncertainty of what lay ahead, I had taken a crucial step toward reclaiming my autonomy. The future may have been uncertain, and the path ahead may have been laden with challenges, but for the first time in a long while, a glimmer of hope appeared. With newfound resolve, I braced myself for whatever lay beyond those elevator doors, ready to embrace the journey ahead on my own terms.

61

auburn

“You need to get out of this bed.” Emma came to visit me after I’d called her crying over ruining my relationships with my son, my mother, and my boyfriend—wait—except, he wasn’t that. I had fucked everything up with Ledger all in one night because of a decision I made.

“I don’t wanna,” I groaned, throwing a pillow over my face. Two weeks ago, I ruined my life, and since then, it had been the longest, saddest stretch of time. Emma came to help mediate between Austin and me, reassuring me he was still safe and attending practice. Coach had called to tell me that Nova was with Austin and he seemed to be doing the things he was supposed to. Austin told Emma he needed some space and was staying at a hotel but still loved me. When I asked why he was staying at the hotel, Emma had said because he knew I had the key and didn’t want me to come barging in.

“Do you have to work today?” Emma asked, and I shook my head.

“No, I’m off,” I replied, attempting to get out of bed to make myself food. Staying busy helped, but being so close to the stadium was a constant reminder of my instinct to flee. It wasn’t selfishness, it was fear that drove me to run.

“Damn. I have a work call. I was hoping for some space?—”

“I’ll figure something out,” I said. She’d sacrificed so much for me coming out here. “I’ll go for a walk along the lake or something.”

It was finally spring, and maybe Emma was right. “Fresh air might help you.”

I gave her a tight-lipped smile. “Maybe?”

It was a question because nothing could help me. Emma came over to sit atop my fluffy pink duvet cover. The warm sun seeped in through the large windows of my apartment. “This is different, Auburn. I need you to realize that this situation is nothing like when you were a child. You didn’t somehow do this on purpose. You fell in love.”

I shook my head, not believing her. “No. Just as my mother would say, I’m not worthy of anyone’s love. I’m tainted. I got involved with Ledger only to ruin my son’s career and my friendship with him.”

Emma sighed. “First, you are not your mother, nor are you her prophecy. You’re an adult who can make decisions. She doesn’t get to decide that you’re not worthy of love.” I tried to interrupt, but Emma stopped me. “Second, you didn’t ruin his career. We’ve established that everything is okay with Austin. Even the last game they played together they looked like teammates. There was no animosity between them.”

“You don’t know that for a fact.” I shrugged, dropping down onto the bed and staring up at the bright, blank wall above me.

Emma looked down at me, her lips pulled tightly. “What if I told you I did? Austin called me the other day and told me they worked it out.”

I groaned. On one hand, I was glad that Austin was talking to someone, but then I thought if they were fine, what was I doing sitting in bed feeling like dog shit? I sacrificed and took the brunt of the pain like I always had.

“Are you going to pick that up?” Emma’s voice snapped me out of my thought spiral, and I realized that my phone was ringing over on the gray nightstand.

Quickly, I swiped to answer it. “Austin?”

“Hey, Mom.”

“I’ve missed you,” I said in a timid whisper, unsure of how he would respond.

There was a long pause.

“Wanna come over for sushi? I’ve finished practice, and Aunt Emma told me she had to work from home, so I figured we could have lunch and give her space.”

I nodded, though he couldn’t see me through the phone. “Absolutely.”

Austin let out a light laugh. “See you in a bit.”

I hung up and shot out of bed.

“Good. I’m glad he called,” Emma said, and she got off her chair.

I ran over and gave her a huge hug. Emma was like my sister, she deserved so much, and I was endlessly grateful for her. “I know you did that. Thank you.”

She relaxed into a smile. “You deserve so much more than you were given, Auburn.”

“I know.” For once, I knew. I needed to start by making my amends and realizing I had people in my corner, rooting for me. It was time for me to figure this out.

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