Page 102 of Your Pucking Mom

“Your virginity.”

I swallowed. It was like the entire world slowed down. There was no faint noise of the party downstairs anymore or the smell of his breath as his mouth continued to press against my clammy skin.

Think. Think.I could get out of this. There was a way out, and I would find it. “I’m not a virgin.” I scoffed, hoping he didn’t catch the lie.

But his hand squeezed against my neck. “Lie to me again,” he sneered. “You’ll see what I do to girls who don’t tell the truth.”

I closed my eyes, allowing myself a moment to think about how close yet how far that door was.

His hands moved down to the jeans I was wearing, his cold, clammy skin pulling at my pants with one hand while the other stayed on my neck. When I tried to move or push him away, his grip tightened, cutting off my oxygen.

If I died tonight, I hoped it would be quick, because slowly being suffocated was pure torture. As his hands trailed along my body, tears welled in my eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do. I was trapped.

“Please,” I cried. My voice was hoarse, and I was exhausted. My body was falling apart on me, because I just lay there while his fingers went in and out of me.

“See? You like it.” He held up the hand that had been inside me, coated in moisture. I tried to shake my head, but he pushed my head down into the couch more, his hand on my neck.

“You like it,” he repeated. “Listen, bitch. You’ll enjoy every fucking moment because I am JXX DXXX and everyone fucking loves me.”

He had to momentarily let go of my neck to pull off his pants, and the moment he did, the oxygen raced back into my lungs.

“Please,” I cried. My throat felt like sandpaper as I tried to get the words out. “Please. Let me go. I won’t tell anyone.”

I attempted to push up onto my elbows so I was in a sitting position, giving me a little more leverage to run away from what was happening, but he used the weight of his body to push me back down, mounting me immediately.

It was then when I looked up and saw the person towering over me, using both his physical strength and twisted version of reality to get what he wanted from me.

There was nothing I could do. I’d figured if this ever happened to me or I was put in a position like this, I’d somehow fight my way out of it—but I collapsed.

His mouth was foaming with need, something he thought he could take without me telling him it was okay.

“Fucking bitch. Stop fighting.”

I sank back down onto the couch and squeezed my eyes shut, seeking refuge in my imagination. I envisioned the gentle touch of raindrops, the soothing solitude of nature’s embrace. I imagined the anticipation of sharing this moment with someone special, their touch and taste a welcomed sensation. Mentally, I retreated to my haven, tuning out the grunts and groans of the person bearing down on me, pinning me to the leather couch.

“Perfect little virgin vagina.

“Hold still, bitch.

“Everyone at school’s going to know what a dirty fucking slut you were.”

There was so much happening in my world, but I tried to keep my eyes shut and live in the world that I was safe in—my world. Occasionally, I peered over at the door, which somehow got farther and farther away.

When he finished, I could feel the liquid inside me as he quickly pulled out of me and got off me. I jumped up and grabbed my tattered tube top, quickly knotting it in front of my chest so I didn’t have to go downstairs with nothing on.

“Pro tip,” JXX shouted as I grabbed my pants and ran as fast as I could toward the door. I tried not to let his voice penetrate my ears, but it was so hard to ignore. “You’ll be better if you know what you’re doing, so you can thank whoever you fuck next for teaching you.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks. Maybe he and my mom were right. I was nothing. I was no one. I was never…enough.

I sniffled as my hand hovered over the handle. Why I waited for that moment and didn’t just slam open the door and run was something I would regret my entire life.

His hands pulled me back and forced me to bend backward to look up at him.

“You better keep your trap shut about this. If you blab, I’ll make sure everyone knows how you were practically begging for it in that ridiculous outfit, pretending to say no for laughs. And if that’s not enough, I’ll make sure you regret it. Got it?”

I nodded, albeit awkwardly as I was upside down. What he failed to grasp was that I couldn’t confide in anyone about this ordeal. The guilt and shame weighed heavy on me because, deep down, I had provoked him.

Perhaps it was my fault because I didn’t do this with someone else. I had somehow given him my virginity because no one else had wanted to take it. It was my fault for what I wore, daring to show a hint of skin, igniting a fire in him that he couldn’t control. Whatever the cause, I couldn’t escape. I had brought this upon myself.

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