Page 48 of Run with Me

“It’s Christmas Eve. Which means we have hope. Look how far you’ve traveled to keep this baby safe. If that’s not God’s will then I don’t know what is. Every time I see the pain in your eyes and picture you traveling across the country, my heart breaks.”

“How do you do it? How do you get past something thisbig?”

“You don’t.” He lifted his head and took my hands into his. “You never get past it, but you learn to live with it. You have another life to think about. You have to keep going for her. You have to give this little one every chance you can and every advantage you can think of because life on its own is hard enough.”

I threw my arms around Xavier’s neck and tucked my nose against his skin. “Thank you. I… I don’t know what I would have done without your friendship.”

“I wish you could see the beautiful and brave woman that I see sitting in front of me. Then you would know that it is me who would have been lost without you in mylife.”

“Xavier…”

“I’m sorry. I know that you have John, and I don’t want to make your life more complicated than it already is, but I won’t deny that having you in my life is changingme.”

“How?”

“You make me want to live again. Both of you.” His hand slid down my body and back onto my belly.

“Tell me what happened to your son. Jack told me you had one. What happened?”

Xavier backed away. He casually strolled to my closet as if I hadn’t asked the question. Xavier removed the dress I’d prepared from the hook. It was another one of Mary’s. I’d never had so much clothing in my life, and none of it was purchased, either. She just kept showing up with new outfits, almost daily. He reached for my hand and I stood up. Xavier pulled on the tie in front of my robe. It slid off my shoulders, leaving me standing in my bra and panties in front of him. He then helped me into this dress as if it were any otherday.

And I let him. I was afraid that I was letting him plant his roots deeper in my life. One day I would have to leave him, and the thought made me sad because the more time I spent with him, the more I couldn’t imagine leaving.

“You’re going to tell John after New Years?” he asked, completely dismissing my question about hisson.

“As soon as you come back from your business trip. I promise.”

“All right. Let’s have a beautiful Christmas, then.”

He fastened the top button of the dress and his hands slowly slid down my body. It was an innocent kind of a connection, but so hot that I felt my knees soften. Xavier then turned toward the door, gesturing for me to join the others in the living room; but he stopped me before I left theroom.

“My son died because of me. I failedhim.”

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