Page 103 of Playmaker

I held up my hand and tested my voice. “Give me a minute.” They exchanged glances and waited.

I knew Cooper. Not well enough to have seen this coming, but I did know a lot about him. He was determined and worked hard for what he wanted. The reason he had his position in the hockey world was because of that. I couldn’t leave him an opening, or he’d keep pushing. He hadn’t let anyone in since he was in high school and I didn’t want to hurt him. But I needed to make sure he knew this wasn’t happening.Ever.

A tendril of anger unfurled in my chest. He thought he just had to say he was up for dating or whatever and I’d agree? Until he wanted to move on again? I hadn’t done a lot of relationships, but I was pretty sure breaking up got harder the longer the relationship went on. I’d suffered enough. I wanted it over. I wanted to be me again.

The anger let me speak and let my brain control what I said. “I appreciate that you told me that, Cooper. But you misunderstood.”

His face lost expression. His lips tightened.

“I didn’t want to stop our arrangement because only I had feelings. It was because feelings were involved at all. I don’t want that.”

I prepared to leave, but his hand shot out, holding my arm. I felt the jolt run through my body as his skin touched mine.

“Why?”

I vibrated with the need to get out of there. I already felt the urge to cry working its way through my nervous system. And I couldn’t, not now. “I need something I can count on. Something that lasts. Not feelings. Not promises.”

He took his hand back. I wanted to feel it again so desperately I almost grabbed for it, so I knew I was doing the right thing.

“Something you can count on.”

I stood, more quickly than gracefully. “Yes.”

“Like your career. Your bank account. Your place.”

I was surprised he caught on so quickly. “Exactly. Relationships don’t last. Feelings can’t be held to a contract. I’m fine on my own, so I don’t need to gamble. Goodbye, Cooper.”

And damn it, my voice trembled as I said that. But I turned and walked away, as quickly as I could without looking like I was running.

Chapter30

There’s always a later

Cooper

Shit.Fuck. Fucking shit. Shitty fuck.

I’d been too confident. Sure that if Callie knew I wanted more, wanted a real relationship, that we were golden. I’d have her. That meeting had been a hard check to my ego.

Worse to my heart. I had some excellent old scotch, and it was tempting to indulge and make that pain go away for a while. But we were into preseason games at the end of September. After the devastating end to last season, it was my job to lead us all the way this time. Jeopardizing that for my teammates would be selfish and immature.

The first couple of weeks of training camp were always brutal, running drills, finding out who’d worked out over the summer and who’d slacked off. This year, not many had. Even our new guy, Daniel Astrom, known as Fitch, was keeping up, despite being on the wrong side of thirty and therefore old in hockey terms. We were all determined that this year we were winning.

Things were a little easier in the preseason, but at least burning through the workout Coach gave us had pushed thoughts of Callie to the side.

Maybe it was just as well not to have distractions this year.Focus on winning and nothing else.

Except JJ had to nudge me when practice ended, since my mind had gone back to Callie.

In the locker room after, I shook off my personal black cloud and put on my captain hat. I checked how the new guy was doing. Being traded could fuck you up and make you unsure of your standing.

“You’re married?” I didn’t know if the rumors I’d heard were true.

“Divorced. Almost—waiting on the final paperwork.” He pulled on a T-shirt. “I’m looking for a place for just me. Don’t want to buy anything right now.”

“How do you feel about a roommate?”

“You have a spare bedroom you’re offering?”

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