Page 119 of Ruined Vows

Today, I’m just going convince her she’salreadymine in every way possible, and I just fucking need to be close to her.

She reaches down for my cock and feeds it into her pussy, both of us groaning with relief when I slide in. She leans her forehead against my chest, fingernails scraping down the back of my neck.

Tomorrow, and then,forever.

FORTY-SIX

ISAAK

“I didn’t just orderdinner last night,” Kira says as she moves her fingers back and forth through my chest hair. I swear the woman is obsessed with it, and it’s fucking adorable, just like every other part about her.

We did finally get around to ordering dinner last night, after our very long shower.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to try something. It’s the thing I thought you might be mad about yesterday.”

“Oh, here we go.” I roll my eyes good-naturedly. With as many times as I came in the last twenty-four hours, I got nothing but good-natured and content feelings swirling in me. Especially with this woman in my arms.

“It’s just... I’ve been doing some research… on your condition.”

“My condition?” My eyebrows heft.

“You know…” She looks at me warily. “PTSD.”

What the fuck?

I pull away from her, not sure how to feel at her pulling out the four-letter P word. Before I know it, I’m pacing back and forth in front of the bed, hand running through my hair. It’s curling at the ends like it does when it gets too long. I’ve gone too long without a haircut again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just have nightmares sometimes. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You won’t even sleep in the bed with me.” She sits up against the headboard. “Last night, you crawled out of bed after I fell asleep. I found you curled up on the armchair this morning.”

I drop my face, the familiar rush of shame sweeping in.

“PTSD is nothing to feel ashamed of.” She sees it. Of course she does, and a second later, she dashes off the bed to reach for my hand. I snatch it back.

“Well, maybe I did things Ideserveto be ashamed of.”

She looks me straight in the eye and nods. “Maybe you did. You were part of a war machine on land that wasn’t yours. So maybe some things happened over there that are really difficult. And I’m not saying I can imagine or even understand.” She clenches my hands tight.

“I never killed anybody.” My tongue calls me a liar, even as I say it. There’s blood on my hands and more than just Elmer’s. We shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

There was a recruiting center right by the group home so when you get kicked out of one, you could walk right over to the other. It’s either that or be homeless, and I saw enough kids hit the streets and two months later be out of their mind, addicted to shit.

But I still knew what I was doing when I enlisted. I might have only been a legal adult for two days, but I still knew enough. And I definitely did when I re-enlisted for my second tour, not knowing any other kind of life and afraid to leave the brothers I’d found.

So, I admit it out loud. “I deserve my shame and my nightmares.”

“Oh, honey.” Kira cups my face. “You’ve paid long enough.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I shake my head. “I’m not going on pills that make me feel dead inside.”

“Okay.” Kira gives a slow roll of her eyes. “That’snotwhat anti-depressants do. But I thought you might feel that way, so I was wondering if you’d be up for trying an alternative treatment.”

I frown at her curiously. “Like what? Therapy? ’Cause I hate that shit. No offense.”

She breathes out patiently. “Therapy would also be an excellent idea. I can help you find a good therapist when we get back if you’re ever open to it.”

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