Page 71 of Fumbling for Perfection

“I’ll try to forgive you for being so cruel, but we can’t go back to the way we were before. At best, we can be civil around each other for Jackson’s sake. If you can’t do that and respect my boundaries, then I refuse to be in your presence ever again.”

I nod in agreement. Damn straight we’re not going back to the way we were before. This time, I’m all in.

CHAPTER TWENTY

RILEY

Other than the awkwardness of Walker being on board and catching him staring at me anytime I glance in his direction, the intimate wedding and afternoon on the yacht has been perfect.

Walker’s declaration that he cares about me has me more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. My heart tells me to leap into his arms and pick up where we left off when things were wonderful and perfect.

I close my eyes and sink into the lounge chair and curl my legs to my chest. They were never wonderful and perfect. Our relationship—or whatever label we want to stick on it—was based on lies. My lies. My deception.

As far as I’m aware, Walker has always been upfront and honest with me. The parts of himself he kept from me had nothing to do with deception and everything to do with protecting himself. And I can’t blame him. Not even a fraction of shame can I cast on him.

Yet, here he is, putting his heart on the line, forgiving me and wanting to move forward withus.I’ve never been one to be led by the heart, and this is the first time I’m upset at my head for being logical and rational.

Walker said some hateful words to me, but they were spot on. He may think he wants to forgive me and move on, but he doesn’t want to have a family. Children aren’t in his long-term plans, and I can’t be with a man who won’t put his family first.

I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when he accused me of trapping him into a pregnancy. It was pure hate. Pure rage. Pure distrust. I wasn’t afraid he’d hurt me physically, but he’d transformed into a different man; one I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with.

But he’s a good man at heart, which is why he came around. Not because he wanted to, but because he didn’t want to be like his father and abandon his child. That’s nice and all, but I want the father of my future children towantthem, not to concede to step up into the role because it would be wrong not to.

It’s like apologizing only because you got caught. I don’t want Walker to be caught. I want him to want to be a father. To have a family. But that’s not something I can control or change. The best I can do is be friends with him since he’s Jackson’s brother. He’ll be in my life, but I need to keep my heart at a distance.

“You asleep over there?” Kendall asks from the chaise lounge to my right.

“I was.” I straighten my legs. “We should probably change. The sun is starting to set, and it’s going to be cool out here.”

“I was waiting for the newlyweds to wake up from theirnapbefore going inside.”

“Good call,” Rowan says from the other side of Kendall. “I smell grilled fish. I’m guessing dinner will be served on the lower deck soon.”

“I’m starving.” Kendall gets up and looks over the railing. “Well, hell. The view from over here is spectacular.”

Rowan jumps to her feet, and I follow. Stretched out on two loungers are Walker and Charles. Where Charles is long, lean, and toned, Walker is tall, buff, and muscular. He has abs upon abs, and the definition between his shoulders, biceps, and triceps is clear even when he’s not flexing.

The tapering of his waist to hisVline is one I’ve had the pleasure of running my hands and tongue along many times. It’s not something you ever forget or get enough of.

“Holy shit, Riley. You got to touch those muscles?”

“She did a lot more than that.” Kendall elbows my ribs. “She rode that stallion—”

“Enough.” I elbow her back much harder than the gentle nudge she gave me.

“Taylor’s brother’s a smoke show as well. I can’t believe he’s been hiding Charles from us for all these years.” Rowan rests her elbows on the railing, and I can practically see her drool dripping down her chin and onto the lower deck.

“To be fair, Charles lives in New York and they both have crazy, busy schedules. As do you.”

“Mm.”

I chuckle, never having seen Rowan this enamored with a guy before. “We’ve been on this yacht for two hours and you’re just now realizing how hot Charles is?”

“For one, I’ve been too caught up in witnessing the love between Jackson and Taylor. And two, I’ve been trying to figure out if it’s social tension or sexual tension between you and Walker. I haven’t had time to think about Charles.”

“Oh, it’s one hundred percent sexual between Walker and our girl here. Even on this crystal-blue-sky day in the sea breeze, we need the wedding cake knife to cut through the sexual chemistry between these two.”

“We have a history. And it’s just that, history.”

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