Page 72 of Fumbling for Perfection

“Bullshit. You’re a suckass liar.”

“Hey!” I don’t mean for my voice to carry, but carry it does, and both men look up. When Walker sees me, the corner of his mouth hooks up, and even with his eyes covered with his sunglasses, I can feel the way they burn into me.

“Get a room, you two,” Kendall says, none too softly.

I turn away from the railing and head toward the stairs. “I’m going to change for dinner,” I say over my shoulder. The next hour is busy with food, laughter, and Jackson eating up being the center of attention.

I purposely placed myself at the opposite end of the same side of the table as Walker so I wouldn’t be tempted to stare at him. I’m afraid I’ll cave too easily and agree to giving us another chance. While being in his arms again is a dream of mine, not at the risk of obliterating my future dreams. I might as well have married Jackson and kept Walker on the side. That arrangement, if Walker was aware of it, would have been perfect for him.

No fear of commitment or expectations that I’d ask anything more of him.

After dinner, we all return to the upper deck to watch the fireworks. The oversized U-shaped outdoor couch seats the seven of us perfectly. I stake my claim immediately next to Jackson, not wanting to be pushed next to Walker, but my traitorous friends sabotage me by asking me to get another bottle of champagne.

It’s not until I’m halfway to the lower deck that I remember there’s a full staff to fetch things like champagne. As soon as I turn around, Kendall plops down in my seat and pulls Charles next to her, and Rowan sandwiches him in, leaving the two end spots open.

Walker is still leaning against the railing staring into the sunset. He was quiet during dinner, and he’s even more aloof this evening. Sighing with resignation, I return to the sofa and prop my feet up on the table in front of us like I’m not annoyed or onto their stupid ploy.

“Champagne?” Kendall holds out her empty flute.

“We have staff for that,” Jackson says, and a man in a black suit instantly appears with a bottle, refilling our glasses.

There’s more conversation and laughter, mostly from Jackson and Kendall, who love to entertain, telling stories of some of their recent shenanigans. I can’t help but glance at Walker and wonder why he’s staying away. This is his brother and his new brother-in-law’s wedding. He deserves to be here and part of the group just as much as I do, if not more.

Pushing myself off the sofa, I cross the deck to Walker. “Hey.” I lean my hip against the railing, not too close to him but close enough to catch his soapy, woodsy scent. “Are you going to join us?”

He squints his eyes for a second then relaxes his face, now void of emotion. “I’m glad my brother has a close-knit circle of friends outside his job.”

“I’ve seen him in his element at work events. CFO Jackson is not nearly as fun or real as normal Jackson.”

Walker nods. “Sounds like you all have an arsenal of stories. It’s...nice.”

And then I get it. Walker feels like an outsider. From the little he spoke about his life in California to what I’ve read online, I don’t think he has much of a social life. If there’s a circle of friends, he’s extremely private about it, which doesn’t surprise me.

More laughter erupts behind us, followed by an explosion in the sky. Bright red, white, and blue fireworks fill the sky and reflect off the ocean water. I’ve seen the firework display from the park, but never like this.

Never in such a romantic setting. I half expect Walker to move closer, to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me into his side. Or hold me in front of him, cocooning me with his arms.

But he doesn’t. He’s respecting my request to keep his distance, even though I can tell by the tightness in his jaw that he wants to touch me.

My body betrays me and leans to my left. When my subtle movement catches his attention, I scoot back. If only we wanted the same thing.

He wants the physical. I do too, but I need more.

He says he cares about me, and I believe he does, but not in a forever kind of way.

Not in themarry me, have my children, grow old with me because I’m madly, deeply in love with youway like I am with him.

If only.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

RILEY

It’s been two weeks since Jackson and Taylor’s wedding and I’ve seen Walker twice. The first time was the weekend after the wedding when the newlyweds hosted dinner at their now-shared penthouse to tell us about their honeymoon in Cabo. It was a short vacation since they’re both busy with their careers and there wasn’t much advance notice for this wedding.

Walker was quiet, the same aloofness as on the yacht.

The second time I saw him was when Jackson asked me to meet him for drinks after work one night and Walker happened to be invited as well. Even though I was tempted to decline, I put my big girl panties on and joined them. It was just the three of us, which Walker seemed to be more comfortable with.

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