Page 40 of Fumbling for Perfection

I slide my hands under the elastic band of my sweats and stroke my finger through my wetness. I’m soaked with desire.

OH GOD: Fuck.

He doesn’t say anything else, and I continue to pleasure myself, picturing his beautiful eyes, his strong arms, his amazing tongue. I find release too soon and pull my hand from my pants as I sink into my pillow.

My heartbeat is still coming down when I lift my phone, sad to see he hasn’t texted anything else. I go to the bathroom and wash my hands. When I’m back under my covers, I see another text from him.

OH GOD: Sorry. Hard to text left handed when my right hand was busy thinking of you. TMI? If so, ignore and carry on.

ME: I was busy too. All better now.

Three dots appear and disappear over and over again until my screen finally lights up with a message.

OH GOD: Sweet dreams, Riley.

My dreams are anything but sweet. Torturous. Sexual. Passionate. And Walker is the star.

CHAPTER TEN

RILEY

It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen Walker, but we’ve texted almost every day. I try not to respond during the day and hold off until night when I’m alone in bed. We haven’t done much sexting, and haven’t donethatagain, but we do flirt a little. Mostly, we keep our conversations brief and about work—mine—and random pop culture.

I still haven’t read his text from this morning. My stomach has been in knots, and until I find out the underlying cause, I ignore him. I stopped at CVS on my way home, my worry and fear swirling around me longer than the receipt the cashier handed me.

Kendall and Rowan should be here any minute with dinner. They have no idea why I called an emergency dinner meeting. I would have asked them over two nights ago when realization set in, but Rowan was working and I need both of them here for this.

My buzzer rings and I let them in.

“It’s been too long since we’ve done this.” Rowan greets me with a hug and sets the bag of our Chipotle dinners on the counter.

Kendall comes up behind her carrying two bottles of wine and a carton of ice cream next to it. “Since you won’t let us throw you a bachelorette party, I’m pretending that’s what tonight is all about.”

One week from today I’ll be walking down the aisle and marrying into a family that has money and power, but no love. My father wasn’t thrilled when Jackson and I stopped by last week with the news. Dad’s never around much, always on the road, and when heishome, he’s not much for conversation or affection.

There were no words of congratulations. Just a questioning scowl. “Didn’t think you were...the marrying type,” he’d said to Jackson. That was his way of beating around the bush about him being gay.

I don’t think my dad would care either way if Jackson was gay, if it weren’t for us getting married.

“Your daughter means the world to me, and there’s no other person I’d rather spend the rest of my life with,” Jackson had told him, which wasn’t a lie. Married or not, we’re friends for life.

The lies were built into our unsaid words. The same way I’ve been lying to Walker.

“Sorry to spoil your fun, but I’m not in a celebratory mood. I asked you guys over for a reason.” I take my Chipotle dinner Rowan holds out to me and they follow me to my tiny living room.

Kendall takes a seat on the floor in front of the coffee table and Rowan and I sit on the couch. I wait until we’ve all had a few bites of our dinner before dropping the bomb.

“I think I might be pregnant.”

Rowan coughs out her wine and wipes her chin. “You could have waited until I swallowed.”

“That’s what she said.” Kendall points her fork at me. “You told us you guys used protection.”

“We did. Except...”

“Hell. You sly dog. You did it.” Kendall holds up her glass to clink with my water bottle.

I close my eyes and lower my chin to my chest. “It was just the one time. When Walker realized he didn’t have a condom he promised to pull out.”

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