Page 47 of The Secret Of Us

I have enough pictures, but I’m enjoying this far more than I want to admit. I like the solid feel of him behind me, like the way his arm is still crossed over my shoulders, grounding me. I like that I can feel the change in the beat of his heart for me.

Noah looks down at me, our faces dangerously close. If anyone walked past and glanced at us it would probably look like we were kissing. My phone drops out of my hand onto my lap, breaking my racing thoughts. I fumble to pick it up and then Noah’s hand covers mine as he takes it from me.

“I’ll do these ones,” he says, his eyes catching mine. I can only stare at him as I nod, words leaving me.

He tilts his head closer to mine, holding his arm up so he can position us in frame. My hands look awkward, folded together in my lap, so I do what feels natural and raise them to hold on to Noah’s arm. My fingers wrap around his forearm, and I can feel the way his heart picks up.

Noah takes a few pictures before bringing the phone closer so we can both look at it. These pictures look great too but I still can’t help but feel like there’s something missing.

“Is it… Can I… You can say no...” I fumble my way through trying to say what I want to say without being a creep. “Can I kiss your cheek?” His arm tenses and I move my fingertips back and forth, trying my best to relax him. “I don’t?—“

“Yeah,” he says, his voice laced with something heavy. “You can.”

I keep one of my hands on his arm as I move the other to his jaw. My fingertips run along the curve of it, gently guiding his face closer to mine so that I can reach his cheek. I tilt my head up, closing my eyes as I press my lips lightly to his skin.

I hear his sharp intake of breath, feel the unsteady exhale of it. My heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest.

My hand stays on his jaw, like it’s been glued there by something invisible, but I pull back so I can see Noah. His eyes are closed, his bottom lip caught between his teeth, and I can see the faint colour on his cheeks.

“Great practice,” I whisper, just now remembering that he was supposed to take a picture of that.

“Really great,” Noah says, his eyes opening and his gaze dropping to me instantly.

I don’t know what we’re doing. I wasn’t supposed to kiss his cheek or cling to his arm while he held me, and I definitely shouldn’t be enjoying it this much. We were just meant to take some pictures.

“Let’s take this one and then we can head back to our rooms,” I tell him, forcing myself to remember that this is all meant to be fake.

It only feels nice because we’re pretending to be together. It’s a natural response for someone’s heart to beat faster if a cute guy is holding them; that’s all it is.

Noah doesn’t say anything. He just lifts my phone again, this time at a closer distance but still fitting us both in it. I close my eyes, my hand still curved around his jaw, as I kiss his cheek again and hold it for a few seconds so he can take a few pictures.

“All done,” he says, clearing his throat.

I open my eyes, taking my hand away from his jaw at the same time that he moves his arm so he’s no longer holding onto me. I let go of it, freeing him from the situation that I just put him in.

I move my body so I’m sitting upright again. I try to lean against the back of the bench, but it feels wrong, so I sit forward instead. Noah passes me my phone and before I can swipe through the photos he took, a single notification sucks every good feeling out of me.

Mum

Forward your university choices to us before you submit them.

I lock my phone, pressing the screen face down against my thigh and covering it with my hands. My nails dig into my thighs as I try to calm myself down. She hasn’t spoken to me in weeks. I’ve heard nothing from her since the last message where she said she would check her schedule and then never turned up anyway.

“Are you okay?” Noah asks, and I can’t bear to look at him yet. The last time I felt like this, he was there, too. I don’t want to seem so weak around him.

“I’m fine,” I lie, steeling myself so that I can get away from him before I lose the shred of composure I’m holding on to.

Noah’s arm brushes against mine as he leans forward, ducking his head so that he can see my face. I keep my eyes fixed on my phone, trying to avoid his gaze, but he doesn’t let me.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks, and the nervousness in his voice is what makes me finally look at him.

His eyebrows are creased, his lips pressed into a thin line as he watches me. It makes sense why he would think that, but I don’t want him to worry that what I’m feeling right now is his fault.

“No, it’s not you,” I say, lifting my head to see him properly. “It’s my parents again.”

Noah sits upright, and I think he’s going to ask another question, but instead, he puts his arm around me again. He pulls me in closer to him and gently guides my head so it’s resting on his shoulder. I relax into him, closing my eyes and savouring this moment.

“I’m sorry they keep upsetting you,” is all he says. No questions, no asks for an explanation, nothing but an apology on behalf of two people who won’t even give me their own.

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