Page 48 of The Secret Of Us

I stare ahead at the playing fields we’re overlooking, watching younger students run around kicking balls back and forth to each other. Noah slowly traces his fingertips back and forth across my upper arm, the gentle motion making me fall into him even more.

I don’t speak about my parents with anyone these days. The girls never ask out of kindness for me, and I avoid the topic with Isaac as much as I can. But maybe I can talk about them with Noah.

“I moved out of their house a few years ago,” I start. Noah’s fingers still for a second, but then he goes right back to that soft back-and-forth motion. “They made Isaac leave when he told them what he wanted to do at university. He hadn’t even turned eighteen yet.”

I think back to the wave of emotions I felt at that moment, listening from the top of the stairs as I heard my dad tell Isaac that he had to leave. Shock, anger, hurt, and sadness all swirling through me at once like a tsunami. I couldn’t understand how he said it so easily—still can’t understand it.

“Luckily, Isaac had enough people in his life that cared about him so he stayed with them over the summer before he moved into an apartment with his girlfriend, Violet.”

“Violet picked you up that day, right?” he says, and I nod. That day feels like a lifetime ago when it’s only been a few weeks.

“They made Isaac leave, so I left, too. I couldn’t stay in that house without him. We moved all my things out and now I live with Isaac and Violet.”

I don’t tell Noah about how easy it felt to leave, and the guilt that came with that. I know my parents gave me the best upbringing they could have, but I also know that doesn’t translate to them actually loving us. If they really did, they would have fought more for both of us.

“I didn’t talk to them for a while,” I continue. Noah drops his head to mine, his cheek resting on top as his fingers trace patterns across my arm. “Any time we did speak, it was only about school. I don’t know how Isaac convinced them, but they still pay my school fees, and I’m grateful for that.”

In more ways than one. I’m glad that I didn’t have to move school or leave my friends. And that I was here to meet Noah.

“I texted them to see if they would come to that university talk, and my mum said she’d check their schedules. And, well, you know what happened there,” I scoff. “This is the first text she’s sent me in weeks.”

It’s only when I’m silent, and Noah is, too, that I hear my heart crack open a tiny bit more—another disappointment from them when I shouldn’t have expected anything in the first place.

“You don’t have to reply to her,” Noah says, his free hand finding mine as he takes it in his palm. “I’m sorry for what you had to go through. Your brother, too.”

The backs of my eyes sting at his kind words, the soft voice that brings me far too much comfort. I close my eyes, calming my breathing so I don’t cry in front of him again like last time in the alcove.

Maybe that evening is the reason I feel so comfortable telling Noah all of this. He didn’t ask me any questions then, and he hasn’t now. Both times, he’s comforted me without expecting anything in return.

“Thanks,” I say, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

Noah’s fingers stop as he moves his head, and for a second, I think he’s leaving me, which causes another crack in my chest. I told him too much too soon, piled all my problems on him when he was merely being polite.

But he doesn’t leave. His fingers move to my neck, his hand curling around where my pulse is beating fast, as he presses a kiss to the top of my head.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Noah whispers, washing away every ounce of insecurity I felt. The crack gets mended, his words like melted gold being poured into my heart.

“Thank you for listening,” I tell him, and instantly feel the shake of his head against mine.

“You never have to thank me for that,” he says.

We sit like that for a while longer, hands joined, his head on mine, our bodies clinging together. And for every second that passes like that, the gold solidifies.

18

NOAH

Beingin a fake relationship with Izzy has been more fun than I thought it would be.

I’ve been showing up to her practices every week, and her friends seem to like me enough that they let me sit with them at lunch every day.

Amelia and Chloe sit opposite us, and I pick at my food while the three of them happily chat about something I don’t pay attention to. Their conversations range from what books they’re reading to what new makeup they’re trying out to their weekend plans. It feels like I’m getting whiplash every time I try to follow along.

It hasn’t escaped my notice that I’m the only boy who sits with them. Chloe and Josh are in a relationship too, but he sits with his friends and only comes over when they’ve all finished eating. Izzy insisted I sit with her once she realised I used to hide away every lunchtime.

Josh and I have started somewhat of a friendship, too. He talks to me at every practice, and I don’t have to worry anymore about not having a partner to run drills with. I think Luke has caught on, as well. He’s started putting us on the same team when we play matches, which means I’ve actually been able to play more. Josh always talks to me if we’re waiting for the girls to finish whatever conversation they’re having, and it’s nice to feel like I’m really part of their group.

It feels like things are finally looking up, and I’m really starting to enjoy being at Coates. But there’s still a tiny voice in the back of my mind that tells me it’s all going to come crashing down soon.

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