“I hate that for you.”
“And I’m grateful that you do,” I tell her. It’s the truth. I’ve never had someone be in my corner as much as she is. I like that she might be as protective of me as I am of her.
I know I owe her an explanation. But I’m worried that I’ll say too much once I start. So for now, it’s better if I stay quiet.
I look back at her, staring into her sparkling green eyes and hoping she knows I mean what I’m saying.
“I’ll tell you soon, Izzy. I promise. I owe you that much.”
She doesn’t say anything, but the way her face softens, that small smile back on it as her thumb runs against my hand, says more than words ever could.
17
IZZY
“Move closer soI can put my head on your shoulder.”
Noah shifts his body on the bench, yet somehow doesn’t get any closer to me. I take matters into my own hands, shuffling along until my thigh, arm, and entire right side are pressed against his left.
When Noah stiffens, I worry I’ve pushed him too far, too quickly. I lean away from him, trying to give him space again, but then his arm is around my shoulder, pulling me back into him.
“Is this okay?” he asks quietly.
My breath catches, goosebumps rising at the feel of his arm around me. His hand curls around my upper arm, his fingertips pressing lightly against my covered skin.
“It’s okay,” I say, hoping he doesn’t hear the waver in my voice.
I lift my phone up again, opening the camera so we can take a photo. We talked last night about what else we could do to convince people, and I thought hard launching us on Instagram would be a great idea. Now, though, I’m not so sure about that.
Noah and I have been trying to get more comfortable with each other, so we’ve been holding hands more, even when people aren’t around to see. I don’t know if it’s working, though, because my stomach is in knots every time.
When I suggested we take some photos so I could post them, Noah agreed straight away and we planned to do it after classes ended. So now here we are, sitting in our uniforms on one of the benches overlooking the playing fields, with his arm around me for the first time.
I angle the phone so we both fit in frame, but something still looks off. Even though we’re sitting so close to each other, there’s something that feels unnatural about it. I drop my hand to my lap, knowing exactly what the problem is but too worried to voice it.
“Can I try something?” I ask Noah, his body still rigid next to mine.
He hums in agreement, and I act before I can think too much about it.
I twist in my seat so that my back is pressed against half of Noah’s chest, nestling deeper into his side. I hear the shaky breath he lets out, feel it skim against the top of my ear.
“Is this okay?” Now it’s my turn to ask.
“Yeah,” he says, his voice somehow coming out like he’s completely unfazed by this. “Can I?”
I nod, too afraid to speak, and then his arm bands across my collarbones, pressing me even closer to him. I can feel his heart pounding in his chest, matching the same rhythm as mine.
I lift my phone again, aiming it so we’re both showing on the screen, and the image shocks me. We look like a real couple, our bodies fitting together perfectly like he was made to hold me like this.
Noah’s tongue peeks out of his mouth, running across his bottom lip and making heat rise through my whole body. I look away from him, focusing on myself and trying to will away the growing blush on my cheeks.
I turn the corners of my lips up into a smile, taking a few pictures of us before bringing my phone closer to my face to check through them. My pink cheeks show clearly but I guess that’s a good thing. Noah wears his polite smile, the one that he gives to teachers when they compliment his intelligence. I’m still wondering what it’ll take to see the real thing.
“You look really pretty,” he says and I can only hope he didn’t feel my heart skip a beat.
I turn my head slightly so I can see his face, observing it up close for the first time. His long, straight eyelashes skim the top of his cheeks when he blinks, and his jawline is even sharper from this angle.
“Not too bad yourself,” I tell him, somehow maintaining some semblance of calm. “Do you mind if I take some more?”