Page 90 of The Secret Of Us

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My room ispitch black when I open my eyes. I’ve slept the whole day away. I quickly grab my phone to check it, and his name is the only one I pay attention to.

Noah

Just got to Dover

Luke was sick on the ferry and I had to look after him

Wish you’d given me a heads up that he acts like a baby

On the way to Paris now

The last message was sent about four hours ago, so I think they’re just about to arrive at their hotel.

Izzy

Sorry, I slept all day

It doesn’t take ten seconds before my phone starts ringing.

“Hey,” he says, and I miss him.

“Are you at your hotel yet?”

“We checked in about half an hour ago. Even managed to get my own room, so I don’t have to worry about bothering anyone while I stay on the phone with you all night.”

I wish he could see the smile on my face right now.

“Anything on the agenda for tonight?” I ask him. Now that I’m speaking to him, I don’t want to hang up.

“A few people are going out for dinner, but I ate a lot of snacks, so I’m not hungry. I’m yours until you fall asleep.”

“Good.”

We don’t say anything for a while, and I can hear a faint rustling in the background.

“What side of the bed do you sleep on?” he asks me. It’s not a question I’ve ever expected.

“The left,” I tell him, not sure where he’s going with this.

“Perfect. I love sleeping on the right.”

“Are you getting into bed already?” I ask him, settling back down under my blanket.

“I’ve got nothing else to do but talk to you. At least this way I can pretend you’re next to me.”

I close my eyes, imagining what it might be like to share a bed with him. It’s like I can feel the dip of the mattress next to me, a phantom Noah laying right beside me when he’s really hundreds of miles away.

“This is nice,” I tell him, but I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes.

“It is,” he whispers.

We lay in silence. I let myself imagine what kind of life Noah and I could have together if we actually gave it a shot. I imagine coming home to him, sitting at a small table while we eat dinner together. I imagine going to bed with him, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and waking up to it, too.

But then I realise that’s not the future that’s meant for me. Even if we did try, he’d get tired of me eventually. He’d realise I’m disorganised and messy and have no clue what I’m doing with my life, and he’d grow to resent me for that.

I have this time with him, and I need to appreciate it for what it is—a fleeting but life-altering moment with a wonderful person.

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