Page 91 of The Secret Of Us

I try to hide my sniffle, but Noah catches on instantly.

“Don’t cry, pretty girl. I’ll be back soon,” he soothes, his voice gentle.

“It’s just…”

How much can I tell him without it beingtoomuch? How can I tell him that he feels like the only steady thing in my life right now? That when I imagine my future, the only sure thing is him.

“I know,” he says, and I trust that he does.

Noah distracts me by telling me about his journey, complaining about Luke mainly, and it’s enough to settle me. We talk about whatever topics come to mind until the moon is high in the sky.

“Can you see the moon?” I interrupt him, not even sure what he was talking about. I just enjoy listening to his voice.

“I can.” He knows where I’m going with this. “Only thirteen days until we can look at it together.”

“Thirteen days.”

“It’ll fly by.”

We watch the stars together, and I imagine Noah lying next to me the whole time.

30

IZZY

Noahand I talk every single night.

No matter how tired he is, he always calls me. He tells me what matches they played that day, what he’s been eating, and the sights he’s been seeing. He also likes to add whatever antics Luke has gotten up to that I relay to Isaac, who just rolls his eyes.

I told him and Violet about Noah a few days ago, once they realised I was hiding myself away every night. Violet said it reminded her of when she was younger, how she and Isaac would constantly stay on the phone all night with each other.

I started from the beginning, telling them how Noah sat next to me on the first day. I told them that the others weren’t being nice to him, that Ryan was annoying me, and that somehow, I came up with the idea of a fake relationship fixing our problems. I told them it’s not fake anymore, that it’s turned into something neither of us has put a name to.

They’ve both said they want to meet him when he comes back, and when I told Noah about it, he agreed. He said he was looking forward to meeting my family, considering how much I talk about them.

Even though I spoke about all of that with them, I still haven’t had a conversation with Isaac about my future. I know I need to do it now though, before I call Noah and disappear into that space, we both go to at night.

I didn’t submit a single application for university. Amelia and Chloe both did theirs a few weeks ago, and I was so happy to be part of that moment with them. I thought I’d feel regret as I watched them, but there was nothing like that. I’m confident that it wasn’t the path I was meant to take, but I’m still not any closer to figuring out what I’m doing once school ends.

We’re all sitting on the sofa together watchingHowl’s Moving Castle, Isaac’s favourite movie. Every time I force him to watchScream, he makes me watch this, but I think it’s a fair trade. Violet gets a call from her mum, so she excuses herself and goes into their bedroom, leaving Isaac and me alone.

“Isaac, can we talk?”

He turns his head away from the screen to look at me. I try to keep my face as neutral as possible, but Isaac knows me too well. He pauses the movie and turns his body to face me completely.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, concern lining his voice.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” I whisper, staring down at my hands in my lap.

“You’re worrying me now. What’s going on?”

I take a deep breath, locking my fingers together, as I prepare to say the words I’ve been practicing over and over with Noah the past few nights.

“I’m not going to university,” I say before I can think about it too much.

Isaac doesn’t say anything, and when I look at him, he blinks, the concern in his face slowly changing into confusion.

“Why not?” he finally asks.

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