Page 82 of The Secret Of Us

“What? Why wouldn’t I?”

Now I’m confused because I thought he was avoiding me, but he thinks that’s what I’ve been doing.

“The way I left your room that day. I should have said goodbye properly.”

“How would you have done that?” I ask him, my curiosity getting the better of me.

Would he have kissed me?

I would have let him.

“Just…” He’s quiet for a moment, I want him to say what I’m thinking. “Just better than that.”

“Do you still want to go to the party?” I ask him, changing the subject. I don’t want to linger on what could have happened—whatshouldhave happened.

“Do you?” He reflects my question back at me.

Honestly, I don’t want to. Even though I’ve been spending so much time alone, the idea of spending my New Year's surrounded by people I don’t care about doesn’t sound appealing to me. But I want to see Noah.

“It could be fun,” I say, hoping he doesn’t hear the way I’m trying to convince myself.

“And if it’s not, we can leave early and go watch a movie somewhere.”

A soft laugh escapes me, and I smile for the first time in a while. That sounds like an infinitely better idea than going to the party. But I think wherever I am, as long as I’m with Noah, it’ll be the perfect way to start the year.

We talk more about the party, Noah asking me what he should wear and what time to arrive. His train will take about two hours to get there, whereas it’ll only take me about an hour. We check the tickets and coordinate ourselves to get to the station around the same time.

I don’t notice how long we’ve been on the phone until I hear Isaac calling my name, and the faint smell of food registers in my brain. I pull my phone away from my ear to look at it and see that Noah and I have been talking for nearly two hours. I was so caught up in hearing his voice again, hearing everything and anything from him, that I hadn’t even noticed time passing.

“I have to go, my brother’s calling me,” I tell him as my stomach rumbles.

“I’ll see you in a few days,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

I’ve already started counting them down.

* * *

The weekin between Christmas and New Year’s never feels real. It’s like the whole world is paused, everyone recovering from Christmas while simultaneously getting ready for the new year to begin.

I still haven’t spoken to Isaac and Violet about my future, and I don’t think I will before I go back to school. I can push it off until the next time I see them, when I’ve had more time to figure out my options.

I barely slept at all last night. Thinking about seeing Noah today has my stomach doing backflips. I’ve been on the phone with the girls for most of the day, all of us checking each other’s outfits and making sure we know each other’s train times. Noah has only texted me twice today, once in the morning to double-check when my train gets in, and right now as I wait to leave the house.

Noah

On the train

Should be getting there just after 10 so I’ll wait for you

Izzy

I’m leaving soon

I type and delete, type and delete until I work up the courage to say what I want to.

Izzy

I’m excited to see you

---