Page 29 of Brace and Chase

“He’s setting up a wedding.” Bear still sounds grumpy as he walks to the far side of his kitchen and puts a mug under his fancy coffee machine. I think about asking him to make me one too, but bite my tongue. He’s in a bad mood, no need to make it worse.

“On New Year’s Eve?” I ask, frowning.

“Yes,” Bear says with a resigned sigh. “The wedding starts at two so he’s going to be home by ten but he’s still out all day.”

“Ah,” is all I say. I understand his grumpiness better. We have very few truly off days, so of course Bear wants tospend those with Drew. And this year we got lucky with having the last day of the year free.

Sure, we have a game tomorrow night, and we’ll be going in early for a light skate and some time on the bikes so there’s no way anyone’s partying like the world is about to end, but it’s still nice that those with families can spend today with them.

And that thought sours my mood even more.

In years past, all the single guys on the team, or at least all of those without any kids, would’ve gotten together tonight to ring in the new year. I don’t think that’s happening today.

Which means I really, really fucked this up and I have to find a way to bring some balance back to the team. Since it’s me who did it, I’m the one who has to fix it.

I don’t know how to start the conversation I came here to have, though, so I walk over to the living room, to those big windows he has. Every time I come here, I stand by them and look down just to get that awesome rush of danger.

Even when I was just a boy I liked danger; I liked doing things that made me feel alive. I smile, remembering how my mother used to say every single one of her gray hairs was thanks to me.

“What’s up?”

Bear’s voice comes from right behind me and I manage to stifle the yelp that wanted to come out. I was truly in my head, wasn’t I? And standing on a metaphorical precipice,of course I’m going to get startled if someone sneaks up behind me.

“I, uh.” I stumble over my words. “Fuck.” I say what I’m thinking. “I really do not know how to even start this conversation,” I tell him honestly.

“What conversation?” he demands, eyes more alert even though he’s not even halfway through his cup of coffee.

“Nothing bad,” I assure him, and let my shoulders drop. “Let me get a coffee for myself. You should be more awake for this.”

He only frowns as I walk past him, doesn’t protest. So I guess he can hear how out of it I am.

I come up with a semblance of what I want to say while I make myself an espresso, and at least I know the opening line when I sit on the armchair in front of Bear.

“I know the whole team is kind of fucked up because of me.” Bear doesn’t say anything. His eyes are steady on me, unflinching. His silent agreement is obvious. “I want us to get to the playoffs,” I tell him, almost begging him to believe me. “I want us to win again this year.”

“I know you do,” he says, speaking low.

“I do not want to talk to Heart, I do not even want to be in the same room as him, but I know what my reality is. So I need you to tell the rest of the team that I will not be mad at them if they start including him in things. I think that there is a disconnect in my line and in the first line. In mine because everybody is walking on eggshells around me. I will have a talk with them myself, but with everyone else, Ineed you to tell Benny and Eagle for example, that they should get to know Heart better. There needs to be more of a connection between them because we rely on them to get the most goals. I think that not including Heart in team things like last night is a mistake and that it will cost us more than it is worth it for me to be more comfortable.”

For a long moment, Bear just stares at me, then he frowns.

“Dude, Charlie was there last night.”

“What?” I demand. He holds up a hand.

“Let’s just table that for now because that’s a whole other conversation, but you’re right. I don’t like him.” The stubborn set of his jaw tells me there won’t be any talking Bear into being nice to Charlie. He won’t do it out of loyalty to me. He will find a way to work with him, but still...

Is it wrong that that warms my heart? That it makes me feel less alone than I did this morning?

If it is, then I don’t want to be right.

“But putting all that aside, you’re correct on everything else. If we’re going to have a chance in hell of not only making it into the playoffs, but of being a good team that can go all the way, then everybody needs to get familiar with Heart. I hate to say it,” he continues with a shake of his head. “But he’s a fucking good defenseman. Just like you are. I don’t like it, and I know you don’t either, but what happened a few weeks back, when we all saw you two going against each other? Neither one of you were holding back and you still couldn’t beat him.”

It still fucking burns me from the inside that I couldn’t beat him.

“But he couldn’t beat you either,” Bear points out with a little smirk. “We need to accept that he’s going to help the team and so yeah, I’ll talk to the guys. I’ll make sure they know they won’t face your wrath if they talk to him.” He nods at me, and I see eyes I trust. Almost more than any others.

He has my back.

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