Page 47 of Psycho

“Then I’ll be able to use the fact that it used my bladder as a trampoline for nine months and I will still have to pee every five minutes as an excuse for the rest of my life.” I called over my shoulder as I left the room.

I didn’t have to pee.

But she didn’t need to know that.

Hands covered my throat, cutting off my air as I swiped my hands out, desperate to break their hold. It was dark, and I couldn’t see who was on top of me, but the softness of the mattress beneath me gave little in the way of leverage for me to fight back from. “No!” I screamed, but it came out with the last hiss of breath before fire erupted in my lungs.

Right as the pressure built to where I was sure my chest would explode from it, light broke through the darkness and I sat up straight, swinging out against the figure in my face as it disappeared with the shadows.

A dream.

It was a dream.

With a strangled gasp, I raked my nails across my skin, battling the phantoms in my mind and desperately trying to control my ragged breathing as my eyes darted around my dark bedroom, searching for a sense of stability. Glancing at the clock,it was half-past two in the morning, and the other side of my bed was cold and empty where Maddox should have been.

Where he was missing from when I finally fell asleep a few hours ago. His nights were getting later, and I missed his presence more and more on these nights when I fell asleep alone.

“Madd.” I called out as I swung my legs over the tall bed and slid to the floor. I’d never sleep on a bed that wasn’t as tall as his beds ever again, because there was something really fucking joyous about sliding out of bed with gravity’s help rather than climbing from it under the weight of the world and a watermelon on your chest.

I wrapped my bathrobe around my naked body and peeked in the bathroom on my way out to the hallway, finding both empty. A glow from the bedroom down the hall beckoned me as I tiptoed across the plush carpet. Peeking in through the open doorway, I took a deep breath when I spotted the man of my dreams sitting in the middle of the serene room, tightening a screw into the side of the crib as he built it.

He wore only a pair of red plaid pajama pants, and his hair was damp from a shower he must have taken in his old apartment before he came in. Which meant he had killed someone tonight.

The darkness of it surrounded his aura like a black cloud of danger, and it kept him from settling and coming to me like he should have.

His tattooed skin rippled as he reached across the sage green area rug for another part and worked on tightening it into place. I watched him, leaning against the doorframe, carefully assembling the crib, each movement precise and deliberate, yet his shoulders slumped with the weight of his unspoken burdens.

Piece by piece, he put it together and when it was whole; he sat back on his feet and stared at it like it held answers to something he sought after.

“Maddox.” I whispered, and he didn’t react, but I knew he heard me. Walking in, I cautiously ran my hand over his tense shoulder, up his neck to the hair at his nape. He leaned into my touch and took a deep breath as I gently stroked his scalp, just how he liked as we both stared at the crib. “It’s beautiful.”

When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, “It’s hard to imagine it being worthy of holding such a precious being.” Even though I knew he’d have to help me up, I lowered myself to my knees behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso, clinging to him while I pretended to offer him support. I kissed his shoulder, and we both basked in the silence again until he broke it, “I killed an innocent person tonight.”

A searing pain shot through my nose, tears blurring my vision before his words even registered, his voice thick with such sorrow it felt like a physical wound. I tried to level out my voice as I fought to speak, “Was it an accident?” I whispered, and after a long pause, he simply shook his head no. It felt like my heart would break for him and whatever had happened to him while he worked to protect me. “What happened?”

“I lost control.” He admitted in a pained voice as he kept looking at the crib as I held onto him from behind. “And I’ve never cared before. But tonight, I did something heinous simply because I’m a monster and could do it. And I can’t shake it.”

“Shh.” I squeezed him tighter as the tears pooled between my lashes for him and his soul. “It’s okay.”

“What if our baby was here?” He vibrated in my hold, but I wouldn’t let him go. “What if I did what I did tonight, and then came home and came in here and—” His voice broke, and he dropped his chin to his chest. “How am I supposed to look that innocent little baby in the eyes knowing what kind of man I am?”

I crawled around his body in a rush and forced his head up to look at me as the tears in my eyes broke free and ran down my cheeks. “You are going to look our baby in the eyes knowingyou’re the only man in their life that will ever do everything you can to protect them.” I urged, clawing at his face when he tried to shake me off in his own grief. “You look our baby in the eyes knowing you’re the only man that will ever love them the way they deserve, Maddox. The rest does not matter, because they will feel your love. Regardless of anything you’ve done to get us there, they will know that. Just like I know that.”

He shuddered and his face screwed up in agony as he pulled me into his arms and clung to me. “I’ve never cared before.” He muttered angrily. “I’ve never cared about life and death and who meets their maker or when. But now I do and I fucking hate it.”

“Shh,” I tried soothing him with my touch and voice, even as my mind spun with the endless possibilities of things that could have derailed his peace so heavily. “Tell me what happened.”

He took a deep breath and loosened his hold around my body to pull back and look at me, “Not in here.”

“Let’s go then,” I backed up from him and got to my knees as he stood up and helped me to my feet. Even at his deepest peril, he still saw to my needs. He wasn’t human. He was heaven sent, even if he did evil things.

Instead of leading him into our bedroom, I turned down the hall toward the living space and turned on the soft ambient lights as we sat down together on the couch. He pulled me onto his lap and buried his face in my chest, so I covered our bodies with my favorite comfort blanket, like it could help shake the bad things from his skin and let me comfort him in their wake. He kept his lips pressed against my neck as he spoke, and I held him through it.

“We found Simon Miles tonight.” He hesitated briefly, but kept going, telling me about the last name on the list besides Damon’s and his money man. Simon was the last piece to eliminate before Maddox got to the men who orchestrated my entire kidnapping.

“What happened?” I asked cautiously.

“I needed answers from him. Answers about who Damon was getting the funds from now that the Velvet Cage wasn’t operating the way it used to.” Maddox leaned back finally and rested his head on the couch cushion behind him, but kept me held tight. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, but he was talking at least, so I didn’t take it personally. “But Simon knew he was dead, either way. The only mercy I offered him was the method I used to kill him, based on his cooperation.”

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