Page 46 of Psycho

“Mmh-hmm.” I hummed, rubbing my fingers over my beard as I forced myself to relax the anxiety that bloomed as soon as she was out of reach and out of sight. “Start with that black sweater you drooled over out there.”

I heard her scoff and giggle as she embraced the way her afternoon had turned out, which gave me a bit of peace while I waited to see her beautiful face again.

She could have this afternoon of fun and excitement toward her pregnancy, like a normal mother to be with a doting partner at her side. But when we got back home, my extra security team would have finished making the changes I was implementing, and her small freedoms would be restricted even further in the name of safety.

She’d be angry whenever she found out, but at least she’d be protected.

The safety of her and our baby would always be my number one priority, even if it meant her happiness came second. Because if anything ever happened to either of them, the earth would crumble under my boots as I lost control of the shadows inside. They’d cover the world around me and I’d destroy everyone in her wake.

Chapter 19 – Olivia

“What is this thing again?” Peyton asked from the floor of the nursery in my apartment. Even though I still referred to it as mine, it was Maddox’s, too. He only went to his to work, as he said he wouldn’t bring that darkness into the space our baby would live in.

Whatever that meant.

I just hoped he wouldn’t be delivering anymore body parts to my door, and instead, he’d keep them in his own fridge.

“Uh,” I blinked away the image of brains on a platter in his fridge, like some gross Jello mold jiggling and wiggling around when he opened and closed the door to grab a beer or something. “Nose sucker. For when the baby has boogers.”

P’s eyes rounded as she swung the straw looking thing around and then cringed. “Yummy.”

She was surrounded by the massive bags full of baby stuff Maddox insisted we buy a few weeks ago that I hadn’t brought myself to put away yet. Perhaps, in a way, my lack of ambition toput it all away was because part of me was still in disbelief that I’d be raising a baby in Maddox’s fancy home with him standing by me, supporting me every step of the way. Or maybe it was the fact that I was thirty-one weeks pregnant and feeling like a whole ass whale.

More than likely, it was that.

I was still waiting for the deep-seated doubt to just kick rocks and stay away for good, but it still hadn’t. Never mind the fact that Maddox had been working around the clock to find the last names on the list and finish it.

All of my alone time had been giving me time to think. And when I sat around in solitary confinement, with just my raging hormone induced brain to keep me company, anxiety and paranoia loved to join in on the fun.

The other day I had been walking by the window in the living room, and I swore I saw someone walking across a rooftop across the street from us. But it wasn’t like a construction worker or something; the figure that made me stop dead in my tracks was dressed in full black military gear.

The dark figure disappeared before I could even release the scream trapped in my throat, almost as if it hadn’t been there at all. I stood in that fucking window all damn day long, waiting, watching intently, almost hoping to see it again just to prove to myself that my brain wasn’t going soggy with a lack of stimulation. But it never reappeared.

And now I don’t open those blinds.

“So,” Peyton called my attention back to her from her spot on the floor as I kept rocking in the beautiful new rocking chair that had appeared yesterday morning. “Which set am I putting in the dresser and which set am I putting in the storage tote for the next baby?” She held up two identical onesies in contrasting colors.

One pink.

One blue.

I sighed, looking over at the envelope tacked into the corkboard on the wall with my baby’s gender identified inside. “Maybe we should skip doing the clothes for now.”

She laid them down on her lap and tilted her head at me, “You know, I could peek if you don’t want to. Then I could always just put away what needed to be, and you could just not open the drawers until you want to know.”

I rolled my eyes and ran my hands over my enormous belly, knowing Peyton would literally knock me over to get to it if I told her she could look in that damn envelope. She was chomping at the bit to find out what her first niece or nephew would be.

“I don’t think I want to know.” I shrugged.

“But why, though?” She watched me intently and challenged me when I simply shrugged again in response. “I think I know why you don’t want to know yet, but you won’t like it if I’m right.”

I knew why I didn’t want to look, but I knew she didn’t. Even if she thought she did.

The reason I didn’t want to look burned my gut with guilt and shame every time I even dared to think it. I was afraid if our baby was a little boy, that I wouldn’t love him because he’d remind me of Damon. I was terrified of feeling grief upon meeting my first baby, so I refused to dwell on it, even if she asked me in some way every time she came over. Which was almost every day, since I still could not leave. I didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Maddox had gotten even more serious about me staying in the building than he was when he first moved me in.

“Then keep it to yourself.” I replied firmly and stood up from the chair, not wanting to dwell on it anymore. “I have to pee.”

“Someday you’re going to have to stop using that sweet baby pushing on your bladder as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable topics.” She deadpanned and then smirked when I glared at her.

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