Page 76 of Between Hate and Desire

Sophie starts crying. “I’m so happy for you. I know how much you’ve wanted this, wanted a family.”

My heart feels like it’s being torn into a million pieces. At any moment, I could throw it up in the air as celebratory confetti. It’s official. I’m a bastard for being jealous that I wasn’t the man to give her this. It wasn’t in the cards for me,can’tever be.

“Great, now I’m crying too,” Maddie says, and then Lennon starts.

“Stop!” Lennon sniffles with a half-laugh. “You’re making me so emotional.”

I stand and grab one of the boxes of tissues from the living room and pass it around. It’s a happy moment, one that should be cherished. After they’ve exchanged hugs and cried tears of joy, we sit and finish eating. The room gets quiet, other than the sounds of our silverware scraping against plates.

“So,” Sophie begins, “when are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

Lennon stills. “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet, but as soon as I do, you all will be the first to know because I’m going to get disowned.”

“They’ll get over it,” Maddie says with certainty, glancing down at the tattoo on her wrist, one of many, I’ve heard. “And we’ll be here for you, no matter what.”

Lennon smiles, but I can tell she’s getting lost in her head. I wish I could say what I want, but I keep quiet. My mind’s still hung up on what Maddie said, and I realize the only person who doesn’t see how I feel about Lennon is Lennon.

Once everyone’s finished eating, I take everyone’s plates to the kitchen. Once they’re rinsed and in the dishwasher, I work on the rest of the kitchen. When everything is spotless how she likes it, I peek my head out and tell them I’m going to bed.

“Already?” Lennon says, shooting me a smile.

“Yeah, I’m tired. Long day,” I tell her with a grin and leave them to sister time.

A week has passed since the big news. Lennon doesn’t want to tell anyone else besides her sisters and me until she sees her doctor. As we’re sitting on the couch watching another episode ofFriends, she bursts into tears.

“Lennon?” I ask, confused at her sudden breakdown. “Everything okay?”

She sniffles. “Sorry. I’m scared about tomorrow and having to go to my OB alone. Sophie and Maddie can’t break away from work and?—”

“I’ll go with you,” I blurt without thinking.

She wipes tears from her cheeks. “You’d do that for me?”

When I move closer, she leans into me. I wrap my arm around her small frame, and she hugs me, melting into me fully. It takes everything I have to keep my emotions at bay and not pull her onto my lap.

I place my hand on the back of her head. “I’d do anything for you, Lennon. What time?”

She sucks in a deep breath. “Ten.” She pulls away and looks up at me. “Are you sure? What about your job?”

“Absolutely. Let me worry about work,” I tell her. “Plus, I don’t know anyone who’s cried during one of the funniest episodes ofFriends.” I wipe away a rogue tear that’s struggling to spill from her face, and she watches me.

If I weren’t keeping the biggest secret of my life from her, I’d be kissing those tears away.

Letting out a stifled laugh, she sighs. “Thank you. I feel like all I’m doing is thanking you lately. And it doesn’t feel like enough.”

“It’s more than enough,” I tell her, forcing myself to move away. “Want to watch the next one? We’re almost done with season three.”

Lennon nods and leans back on the couch. I feel her eyes on me, but I keep mine facing forward.Boundaries, I remind myself.

The next morning comes quick. It feels like my alarm was screaming for me to wake up as soon as I closed my eyes. I go to the office and take care of some paperwork before I leave and pick up Lennon for her appointment. She meets me in the parking lot to save time.

“I’m so damn nervous,” Lennon says, her leg shaking in anticipation as we drive to the clinic.

“It’s going to be fine. I’m sure you’re a little excited too.” I’m trying to be as supportive as I can because right now, more than ever, she needs it.

“Yes, I’m excited,” she says, flashing a half-smile before she adds, “Sad, though, too.”

I wondered when she’d mention it.

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