Page 48 of Between Hate and Desire

Though jealousy consumed me over the past two years, I never wanted this. If I could trade places with him, I would do it in a heartbeat. He had so much to live for.

I go back to the office and basically make calls for the rest of the afternoon. It’s annoying to have to talk on the phone so much, but I’m managing this project, and if something goes wrong, it’s my ass on the line.

I want to go above and beyond so I can prove myself to my boss. Too many people expect me to fail, so I’m trying to stay focused on completing the job efficiently and effectively without any huge setbacks or disasters. This project is the only distraction I have at the moment. Well, and Lennon.

Soon, the day is over, and as I’m walking to my truck, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Considering I’ve told Lennon to call me whenever she needs something, I hurry and pull it out, only to see it’s Jenna. I swallow hard, exhale, and reject it.

When she found out Brandon died, she texted me to give her condolences, and I thanked her. She’s texted me several times since, but I haven’t had the strength or been in the right mindset to reply. I made it clear the last time we hung out that I couldn’t give her what she deserved and that her feelings weren’t reciprocated, but she hasn’t given up.

Even if I did feel the same way, I’d need to work on myself before I jump into a relationship because right now, I’m all sorts of fucked up, and it’s going to take time.

As I climb in the truck, my phone vibrates, and I find a text from her.

Jenna

I miss you. I hope you’re doing okay.

I know she’s trying to be nice, but I lock my phone and throw it in the passenger seat instead of replying. I cannot deal with her insistence right now. The drive home is uneventful, and when I walk into the apartment and instantly smell vanilla in the air, I know it’s one of Lennon’s candles. Anytime she’d burn them, I’d complain about how they reeked, but now I welcome the smell.

As soon as I set down my bag, she looks at me from the couch. “Welcome home.”

She’s in higher spirits, but considering how grief works, I know it might be short-lived.

“Hey.” I give her a smile.

Her phone vibrates on the coffee table, and she leans forward to check it. As I pass by, I notice her parents’ picture on the screen but she rejects it. Instead of asking her about it, I go to my room, grab some clean clothes, and take a shower.

All I can think about is how Lennon will have to spend the next six days in the apartment alone while she’s on spring break. Though she made it through one day, I worry how she’ll make it through the others.

After I dry off and dress, I walk back into the living room and sit on the opposite side of the couch from her to watch TV. It’s some stupid reality show, but she seems to be into it. Her phone rings, and I notice it’s her parents again, but just like before, she ignores it.

I look at her and lower my voice. “Lennon.”

“I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I’ve done enough socializing today,” she says before I can get another word in, leaning her head back on the couch to stare at the ceiling.

“You can’t avoid them forever. I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

Her eyes wander back to the TV, but I know she’s not paying attention.

The third time her phone rings, I stand and snatch it before she can reject the call. Her mouth falls open, and her eyes go even wider as I answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” I say, smirking at Lennon, who’s frowning.

“Is this Lennon’s phone?”

“Yes, it is. But I wanted to answer so you don’t have to continue to worry about her. My name is Hunter, and I’m?—”

Lennon quickly mouths, “Donotsay roommate.”

“—her friend. And I’ve been checking on her to make sure she’s okay. And she is.”

“Thank goodness she has someone looking out for her other than her sisters,” her mother says, releasing a relieved breath.

“I make sure she eats and gets out of her apartment. But anyway, she can’t come to the phone right now. She’s not feeling like herself, but I didn’t want you to worry that something was wrong.” I smile, hoping she can hear my sincerity.

Her mother is very appreciative and sends her love before I end the call.

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