Page 188 of Between Hate and Desire

“Don’t say that,” he barks. “I have been here for you through everything, so don’t you dare use that against me.” Hunter closes the gap between us, and this time, I let him. “I did that for you and Allie.”

I swallow, nodding because I know he’s being sincere. “You told me to trust you,” I whisper-sob. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

Hunter closes his eyes, and he shrugs his shoulders. “I honestly don’t know. How do you tell someone that kind of news? Risk your emotional stress during the worst time of your life, or tell you when you’re happy and watch you spiral back to those dark days? I was put between a rock and a hard place.”

“Still, I had a right to know,” I bite out, my chest rising and falling as quickly as my heart races.

“You have to believe me, Lennon…” He takes my hands in his, looking so defeated as he speaks. “The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. There were so many times I thought of telling you, but I didn’t know what it’d do—if it’d set you back or if you’d be mad I said anything at all. I never thought this would be the situation when Brandon told me he was going to propose, and when I found the ring, you definitely weren’t in the mindset to see it.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But that wasn’t your choice to make,” I tell him softly. “My boyfriend died never being able to ask me. He died before I knew he was going to ask me to marry him. And you knew…this whole time!” Tears fall, and when Hunter nods and squeezes his eyes shut, I know it’s because he’s in tears too.

“Lennon, I’m so, so sorry,” he whispers, bringing a hand to my cheek. “This is not how I wanted you to find out or for things to happen between us. I love you, and bringing you more pain is the last thing I ever wanted.”

My bottom lip trembles. This man has changed my life in the best way possible. He stepped aside when I was with his best friend, and when Brandon died, he became my anchor. He’s always had my best interest in mind. Always. I can’t imagine how keeping a secret like this has affected him.

I try to put myself in his shoes, and the rational part of my brain knows either option would’ve been a shitty one. Had I known Brandon was going to propose while grieving his death, I would’ve been even more destroyed. If he’d told me during the pregnancy, it would’ve hurt more. My hormones wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Soon after, shit went down with my parents, we made it through the first holidays without Brandon, and then Alison debuted. He’s right. There wasn’t a safe time to tell me.

I want to hold and console him for being forced to keep this secret, knowing it put him in a bad situation. But I believe him and know it wasn’t held from me out of spite. He was keeping me safe from the pain it would’ve caused, and I understand that, as much as it hurts now.

“Please say something, sweetheart.” Hunter drops to his knees, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me. “I can’t lose you, Lennon. I love you and Allie more than my own life, and I’ll never forgive myself if I can’t fix this.”

“That’s how you knew what diamond cut I’d want,” I say softly. “When you bought that one at the airport.”

He nods against my stomach, and my heart lodges into my throat, unable to swallow down my pain. Hunter tilts his head back and gazes into my eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he states confidently. “I know you’re upset with me, and rightfully so, but I’m here, fighting for you, forus. So if it’s space you need, I’ll give it to you if you ask, but know that I’m not giving up.”

My heart pounds so hard in my chest as I think about his words. The love Hunter has for me is so overwhelming and special, and the last thing I want is for this to screw things up. I love him, and knowing he kept this from me hurts, but it’s not a deal breaker for me.

Nodding, I bring a hand to his face. “You were protecting me.”

“Yes,” he states. “I felt very protective of you right after he died and have only always wanted to be there for you. Once I found it, I didn’t know what to do…” He closes his eyes for a moment. “But I should’ve told you myself instead of risking you’d find it.”

“I’d like to give it to Alison one day. I think she deserves to have the ring her daddy picked out.”

“Absolutely. It’s yours. I never wanted to keep it from you two?—”

“I know. You were put in the worst possible position.” I lean down and brush my lips against his. “I believe you.”

Hunter releases a long sigh. “Thank God.”

I pull him up, so I can wrap my arms around him. “I love you so much, Lennon. You and Allie. You’re both my whole world.”

With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, I nod, feeling the truth of his words right down to my soul. “I love you, too.”

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

HUNTER

It’s beena month since Lennon found the engagement ring that Brandon bought for her. We’ve been working through it together and trying to move past what happened. Though she’s forgiven me, I regret not telling her sooner. I never wanted her to find out the way she did, but there was never a good time to mention it. Now I realize that ring just opened a tender wound, and maybe I should’ve told her before we went to Utah.

When Lennon was happy, I didn’t want to ruin that for her because it was so fleeting in the beginning. When she was sad, I couldn’t be the one to add more grief. All I’ve ever asked for is her trust, and I broke that, something I’m trying every day to make up for. She’s told me several times that she understands why I did it, and I believe her, but it doesn’t erase the fact I hurt her. I only have her best interest in mind, but in that instance, my need to protect her ended up hurting her. I’ll never make that mistake again.

Before I head home, I text Lennon and let her know I’m stopping by the gym to blow off my aggravation from my work day. It’s barely past three, and I feel like I’ve worked two full shifts.

She texts me back with a thumbs-up emoji, which means she’s probably occupied with her students. Now that her maternity leave is over, she’s always on the go between taking Allie to Mrs. Locke’s before work and picking her up after. I know she’s exhausted from getting up with the baby and trying to stay on top of everything. I help out as much as I possibly can, offering to pick Allie up if I can get out of the office early or even doing a middle of the night diaper change. I don’t know how she does it some days, but one thing’s for sure: she’s superwoman.

As I drive across town, I can’t stop thinking about my day and how some people don’t listen, no matter how many times I repeat myself. Months from now, when the project is a complete mess because they’re trying to cut corners, I’m going to be the peon to help clean it up, which pisses me off. I tried to explain to the project manager why it’s important to reinforce the structures with steel. Yes, it’s more expensive, but it’ll last longer. After I was shut down for the umpteenth time, I decided to sit in the back of the meeting and bite my tongue. I’m surprised I still have one in my mouth at this point.

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